Allusion of Suffering
by Transparent Existance
Summary: Drake is coming home with bruises. He's withdrawn, and he's angry. No one knows what to do, because he isn't telling anyone whats happening. Will he fall into darkness, or will the light pull him back from the seclussion hes drifting further into?
1. Prolouge

**~ Allusion of suffering ~**

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Drake and Josh, not am i profitting from this written work.

**A/N:** I'm back! This fic has been written at the request of** Mrs bell 26**, who asked me for another abuse story. I hope that it is not only to her liking, but to the liking of anyone who cares to read it. I'm going to try to keep the updates regular, but I have alot going on right now so my focus is scattered. I'm also working on an outline for an actual story all my own. If you like it, and want to boost my badly damaged ego and self esteem, reviews would be appreciated.

_I hope you enjoy it. _

~.~.~.~.~.

It never shold have escalated this far.

Drake let his head fall against his chest, heavy eyeslids hanging over his half open eyes. The tears had dried, buy he could still feel where they had streaked across his face. He could still taste them. His fingers twitched on the windowsill as he tried to calm his nerves, tried to relax. He was so tired of it all: the pain, the lies. They had built a wall around him, each memory a stone stacked so thickly he didnt think he'd be able to break free.

He'd been foolish to think he could handle this on his own, he knew that now. But it was too late. He'd pushed away anyone who could help him, everyone who cared. He'd been cruel, and he'd done nothing but lie to them. They wouldnt help him now, and he couldnt ask them to forgive him. They were angry, and he was too far gone. Josh had turned his back on him again, and that, he thought, was the hardest thing to bare.

Drake lifted his head, staring at the setting sun off in the distance. Its warmth was dying now, letting the cold embrace of night slowly creep upon the world. He felt that chill, and he knew the darkness that was coming very well.

Hesitantly, he pushed himself away from the window. Every footfall felt all too heavy as he moved toward his backpack. His body felt weighed down, and each breath felt thick. He pulled out his notebook, fighting back tears as he wrote out a note to his parents, to Josh. They deserved to know why. They needed to know that he was sorry, for the way he'd been acting, and for what he was about to do.

With trembaling fingers he pulled the bottle of pills out from their hiding place in his backpack and emptied them out into his sweating palm. He closed his eyes as he swallowed them, feeling his throat tighten as he forced them down. Drake wasnt fighting the tears anymore, he didnt have the strenth. He'd learned the hard way that he was weak. He accepted that now.

His hand was shaking worse as he pulled the razor out from his pocket where he'd stored it. He watched those last glimmers of light reflect off of its smooth surface before placing the blade against the vein i his wrist. He could feel his heart beating against his chest, the burning pain tingling against his skin. As he had so many times before, he pulled the blade across his skin, though this time he pressed harder, deeper. This time, it was for real.

Drake's eyes widened as he saw the blood flowing from the fresh laceration. He'd never seen so much blood before. He shook his head, bringing forth a wave of diziness and nausea. He swallowed the bile in his throat, coughing at the burn. He tried to switch the razor to his other hand, but his hands were shaking too hard now. His fingers stumbled with the blade and he watched helplessly as it fell onto the floor.

As he tried to kneel down and pick his fallen friend up from the floor he fell over. His heartbeat was echoing in his ears, and the blood from his wrist was still spilling out into the carpet. Drake could feel the empty touch of darkness pulling further down, into the carpets worn in fibers. This was it, the way his story ended. He tried to laugh, but all he could manage was a weak groan.

He wasnt sure if his vision was blurring from the tears, or the loss of blood and pills he'd injested, But in his fading, distorted sight he swore he saw Josh. A distant blob of shapes and colors racing toward him, desperatly calling his name.

Drake let his eyes close, away from the light, away from the life that still clung to him. He closed his eyes, and he remembered everything that had brought him to this.


	2. First encounter

**Two weeks earlier. **

The sun was shining high in the mid morning sky as Drake parker set out for band practice at Trevor's. It was a warm, bright summer day and he was feeling particularly at ease. Without the dooming cloud of homework and Mrs. Hayfer hanging over him it was as iff nothing could go wrong.

Drake walked down the paved sidewalks humming the words to a new song. Its melody running through his mind on an endless loop. This one would wow the girls for sure. He smiled charmingly as he thought of them. Beautiful girls in their carefully callaborated outfits, screaming his name and reaching out to him. The glare of stagelights and the vibrations of the music from the speakers.

His dreams shinned brightly, even though he had ceased to sleep. These last few weeks of summer whould be the best yet, he was sure of it. He arrived at Trevor's house six minutes early, which was unnatural for him. He chuckled softly to himself, letting himself into the garage as he had countless times before.

Hours passed by like minutes as they went over the new song, trying to agree on the sound. Frequent breaks from work as they sat around, drinking Mocha Cola's and talking about how much they didnt want to go back to school. Drake sat back in his chair, smiling as he listened to Scott and trevor argue about cartoons. This was the life.

By chance he caught the glare of the lights off of his watch. It was eight thirty, he was suppossed to be home at seven! Quickly, Drake packed up his guitar and said goodbye to his friends, knowing full well that his mom was going to be angry. She'd called five times.

He stepped out into the warm breeze of the summer evening, pulling out his cell phone to call Josh. He didnt really feel like walking home. It rang four times before Josh finally answered.

"I can't talk right now." he said quietly. "Im at work."

"Can you leave early, I need a ride home." Drake said smoothly. He'd forgotten that Josh had to work tonight.

"I cant just leave." Josh replied, annoyed. "Why arnt you home yet, its after eight?"

Drake smiled, a light laugh escaping his lips. "I lost track of time." He said pleasently.

He could hear Josh sigh across the line. "You better get home, mom's going to kill you." There was yelling in the background, it was incoherent, but it was deffinatly Crazy Steve. "I gotta go." Josh whined as the line went dead.

Drake listened to the dial tone, waiting for Josh to come back for long moments before hanging up. Josh wasnt coming to get him, so he put his phone away, checked to make sure his guitar case was securly closed and began a slow, steady run for his house. He was going to be in trouble, he knew that. His mom had given him a cerfew instead of an actual grounding for his last misadventure, and he was very, very late.

He shoock his head, chasing away thoughts of the trouble he'd be in as he picked up the pace, his guitar gently hitting his back with every footfall. He'd apologize, turn on the charm and everything would be all right he told himself.

He was ten minutes from home when he was forced to stop in his tracks. Six feet in front of him, four of the popular boys from school stood side by side on the sidewalk, blocking his way. he took a moment to catch his breath before taking a few, confident steps forward.

"Hey." He replied plesently, voice slightly raspy.

"Hey _Parker_." One of them replied, his voice cold and mocking.

Drake paid no attention to the boys tone and tried to step past them, only to be shoved backward. He stumbled on his feet, but managed to keep his balance. "Excuse me." He said as he tried to move forward again.

Again he was shoved back, this time harder. He looked at the boys as they moved to stand in an arch around him. They were all bigger then him, stronger. He checked to make sure he had a hold of his guitar case before sighing heavily.

"Whats up guys?" he asked, slightly annoyed.

"Nothing much." One of the boys to his left replied.

"I need to get home." Drake said, losing his patience.

The boy in front of him chuckled, looking arouind at his friends. "Looks like Parker's too good for our company." He seemed to be the leader.

"You think you're better then us?" One of the boys on his right echoed.

"No." Drake replied with less strength. "You guys seem pretty cool." he lied. They were making him nervous, and more late then he needed to be.

"I think you're lying." The boy in front of him taunted, stepping forward.

"I've gotta get home." Drake said, looking down at his feet. His hands were shaking.

All of the boys laughed, wich made Drake angry. He didnt like not knowing what was going on. He took a strong step forward, determined to push through them. He could feel the leader's hands close tightly on his shoulders, holding him in place and his eyes widened. He looked up into the boys greyish blue eyes, not letting his unease show.

"Let go." Drake said harshly.

"Calm down Parker." The leader chuckled. "We just wanted to say hi." He released Drake's shoulders, taking a confident step backwards and to the side, clearing the way.

"Thanks." Drake said quietly, cautiously stepping past them. He let out a deep breath before looking back at them.

"See you around Parker." The leader said, his tone sending shivers down Drake's spine.

Drake didnt say anything back. He wanted to get away from them, to get home behind locked doors. He checked his guitar again, then started to run, the sounds of their laughter drowning behind his heartbeat in his ears.

He ran until his house was in his sight, then gradually he slowed down. After a quick look back to make sure they werent behind him, he started walking, trying to catch his breath. The sudden vibration of his phone in his pocket made him jump. With shaking fingers, he pulled it out of his pocket. It was his mom.

"Hello?" he answered, trying to steady his breathing.

"Where are you?" Audrey snapped. "Ive been calling for over an hour."

"Sorry," Drake said quietly, walking toward the house. "I lost track of time, I'm right outside."

He could see her shadow move through the living room, the flood of light pour out into the street as the front door opened. Her red hair looked like fire as he light shone down on it.

"Get in the house." She said before hanging up the phone.

Drake starred at her, arms crossed with a scowl on her face and in that moment, would have preferred the group of boys blocking his way. he slid his phone into his pocket, and carefully approached his mom.

"You're late." She said, though some of the anger had died from her voice.

"Im sorry." Drake said again, looking up at her with his best puppy dog eyes. "I really just lost track of time."

Audrey sighed, looking at Drake, seeing that he had obviously run all the way home. "If it happens again, you're grounded for real." She said, voice hard, yet comforting.

"Understood." he replied as he stepped into the safety of his home.

~.~.~.~.~.

**A/N:** I know its starting off kinda slow, and the chapters are a bit short, but I dont really know where i want to go with this yet.


	3. There again

Drake wasnt sure why he could'nt get the boys who'd blocked his path off of his mind. Sure, they had scared him, but, they were gone now._ It was over_, He told himself repeatedly as he strummed the strings of his guitar, practicing the changes he'd made to the notes of the new song.

No matter what he did, or how he tried to focus his mind he couldnt chase them from his thoughts. Something about the way they had met him there on the street, like they'd known he would be there unnearved him. Sighing heavily, Drake put his guitar down and turned on the television, flipping through the channels without interest.

He watched the images flash across the scrfeen, though he wasnt seeing them. All he could see were the faces of those boys, the strange looks that had krept over their faces as they'd watched him. The eerie tones in their voices as they'd repeated his last name echoed out from the lips of the people on the television.

He couldnt help but think he was making it worse as he dwelled on it. Surly, it hadnt been as unsettleing as he was remembering. Every time it echoed across his memory their eyes glowed a bit more with cruel intent, their voices became hollow, menacing sounds falling out from human lips. Drake shook his head, pushing the thoughts away, and as he did the sounds of the television flooded into the room. He sighed in relief and leaned back into the couch, relaxing as he waited for Josh to get home. If anyone could talk sense into him, it would be Josh.

Drake had just began to drift into sleep when the sound of the door closing startled him awake. He scanned the room, exhaling deeply as he saw Josh watching him. He didnt know why seeing Josh filled him with such relief, he had no reason to be afraid.

"So, did you get in trouble?" Josh asked as he took off his vest and pulled clean pajamas from his closet.

"Not really." Drake caughed the sleep out from his lungs, clearing his voice. "If I'm late again, I'm going to be grounded." he chuckled.

Josh shook his head. Once again, Drake was getting off easy. "So why were you late?" josh asked, though he didnt really care to know. He'd been grounded too, but he was only allowed to leave to go to work.

"Honestly, I lost track of time." Drake said, debating whether or not he wanted to tell josh about what had happened. "Then, on my way home, I got stopped by some guys from school."

"What'd they want?" Josh asked, grabbing everything he needed for a quick shower and turning toward the door.

"I'm not sure..." Drake replied quietly. It was obvious that josh wasnt interested in what he had to say. "Whats wrong?"

"Nothing." josh said, moving toward the bedroom door. "Its been a long day, im just tired." And then he was gone, almost as quickly as he'd appeared.

Drake sat in the empty room, watching the door intently as he waited for Josh to come back. He wanted to tell Josh what had happened, to make it seem less frightening in his mind. He tried to wait for Josh to come back, but as he waited, he drifted back into sleep.

~.~.~.~.~.

When Drake woke up he was sore all over. He'd fallen asleep on the couch, and Josh had left him there. He streached his stiff joints out slowly, feeling them creak as the cracking sounds echoed off of the walls. Josh wasnt there. Drake felt hurt that Josh had left him on the couch. Josh always woke him up when he fell asleep there, because Josh believed in getting a good nights rest.

He stumbled as he walked through the bedroom door, down the hall to the bathroom. It was empty. It wasnt untill then that Drake realized just how bright the sunlight coming in through the windows was. It was definitally after noon. He starred at the decending beams of light, the fragments of dust drifting through them. He hadnt noticed them since he was a kid. Yawning, he pushed himself through the bathroom door.

In record time, he was clean, dressed, and ready to head out for another day of practice. Hopefully, today teyd get something accomplished. They had one more show before school started, and he wanted it to be perfect.

Audrey stopped him as he was about to leave the house, her usually warm eyes cold as she looked him over. "Do not be late tonight." She warned him.

"I wont." Drake promised, offering her a warm smile.

"I'm seriousness Drake." She said as she stepped away from the door.

He nodded, pushing his way out into the bright day and heading out. All the way to trevor's house, Drake found himself looking over his shoulder. He couldnt shake the feeling that the boys from yesterday would be there again, and he didnt like it. He was relieved when he finally got to trevor's incident free.

Practice today went much smoother then it had the day before. Everyone was ready to finish the basics for the new song, and to get the arguments about the sound out of the way. Drake had worked hard on it, and he was stuborn when it came to his music. He kept a careful eye on his watch, constantly checking the time. He wouldnt be late tonight.

At six-thirty Drake packed up his guitar, said his goodbyes and headed out the door. The warm summer evening greeted him plesently as he took the familier roads home, feeling at ease as he forced his nerves to settle. Itfelt silly to be worried.

he was halfway home when he stopped in his tracks, breath froozen in his lungs. They were there again, standing around a streetlight watching him. Drake looked around, there was no one around to call out to, no one to see what was happening. Cautiously, he stepped forward, trying to look cool as the boys nudged each other and walked toward him.

"hey guys." Drake said, cursing the way his voice shook.

"Parker, what a coidcidence, seeing you here again."The leader laughed, placeing a hand on Drake's shoulder as if they were old friends. "What's up buddy?"

"Just going home." Drake replied, his body tensing as the hand on his shoulder stopped him from stepping forward.

"Why the rush?" The leader asked cooly. "Don't you wanna hang out with the_ cool kids_?"

Drake swallowed his fear, and grinned. "Of course." He replied simply. "But I cant right now."

"We're throwing a party tomorrow night, you should be there." One of the other boys said, handing Drake an invitation. "It'll be wild." he smirked.

Drake looked at the paper quickly before putting it in his pocket. "i'll try." He offered.

The leader's grip tightened on his shoulder, his fingers digging into Drake's skin until it hurt. "You will be there." He ordered. "If you dont show up, we'll think you dont like us."

"That'd hurt our feelings." Another boy said, cracking his knuckles.

Drake nodded, not wanting to talk for fear that his voice would break. He was afraid of them now.

The leader released his shoulder, the sudden feeling returning to the bruised skin make him shake.

"See you tomorrow parker." The leader said, his lips twisting into a smile.

"See you tomorrow." Drake's voice was barly a whisper.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

**A/N:** Sorry for the late update guys, I'm really at a loss for where i want to take this and what I want to do. This isnt my best chapter, but, it's all I've got right now.


	4. decisions

Drake made it home on time, and for that at least, he was thankful. He didnt look at his parents as he headed up toward his room, didnt notice Meghan staring at him with a quizzical look on her face. He didnt want to see them right now. He could feel his hands shaking, the slowly forming bruise on his shoulder throbbing under his shirt.

He was afraid of them, that was all he could be sure of. It was all he knew at the moment. He couldnt go to that party, he was grounded. He didnt even want to go, but if he didnt? He shook his head, taking a deep breath as he entered his room. He didnt know why this was happening, what had he done? He couldn't even remember their names, but if he'd done something to make them angry, he was sure he'd remember it.

He needed Josh to come home. Josh would know, Josh always knew. Time seemed to move slowly as he sat on the couch, twidleing his fingers as he waited. He didnt want to do anything, couldn't focus. The only things he could think about were those boys, the fear they sent through him seemed too real. Josh... How much longer until he got home?

Drake started pacing around the room. When he was moving, he forgot that his hands were shaking. He didnt think about the numbers on the clock as they changed. Finally, after what seemed like hours Josh was home. He listened through the door as he stopped to talk to their parents, as he grabbed a plate of whatever their mom had made for dinner and headed up the stairs.

He watched intently as the door opened, as Josh was finally there. He didnt realize how wide his eyes were, how still the world had become.

Josh stared at Drake, he had never seen him so shaken up. He set his plate down on his bed, stepping closer to his brother. "Drake?" he asked softly. "Are you okay?"

Drake didnt know what to say. "I dont know..." He whispered absently. What if he told Josh and they found out?

Josh started to get worried. "Did something happen?"

"Not really." Drake replied, the pain in his shoulder begging to differ. "Josh, I need to talk to you about something..."

"Im here for you, whats up?"

Drake didnt know where to start, the words were there but he couldnt form them. "These guys from school..." he started, hesitating. "I was late yesterday because they stopped me on the way home. Then again today, its like they're waiting for me everyday."

"what do they want?" Josh asked. Drake was so nervous.

"I dont know. They want me to go to a party tomorrow night."

Josh shook his head. "You'll get in trouble."

"I know." Drake said, slightly irritated. "But if I dont go..."

"Don't go." josh said flatly. "And the next time you see them, tell them to leave you alone."

Drake nodded. "Okay."

Josh wasnt convinced by how easily Drake had given in, nor did he think Drake was telling him everything. When Drake was ready to talk, he'd be there, but he wasnt going to force it out of him. Drake would lie, and he knew it.

Drake turned away from Josh, crawling up into his bed without saying anything else. He wanted to sleep, to forget all of it for just a little while. He closed his eyes, his fingers lightly touching the bruise on his shoulder as he slipped into sleep.

~.~.~.~.~.

Drake didnt want to get out of bed that mrning. He hadnt slept well at all that night and he felt terrible. He pulled the blanket over his head to block out the intrusive sunlight, trying to fall back asleep, but his mind was working now. Thoughts ran through him in raging fury as he tried to figure out what he was going to do.

Irritated, Drake threw the blanket off of his body and slid out of bed. He could hear his mom and Josh talking as he walked down the hall. He stopped, listening to their words to make sure it wasnt about him. He had to strain to hear them, but after a moment, Josh's voiced got louder.

"Why can't I go?" he asked angrily.

"Because your grounded." Audrey replied. "Its work, then home."

"Drake gets to leave." Josh retorted.

"He goes to band practice." Audrey said, patience wearing thin.

"Its just a date." Josh argued. "I havent seen Mindy outside of work in two weeks."

"Well, in another week you'll be free to do whatever, assumoing you and Drake stay out of trouble." Audrey retorted.

Josh gave up trying to talk to his mom and stormed out the front door to go to work. He didnt see Drake watching him.

Drake felt bad after hearing the argument between josh and his mom. It was more Drake's fault then Josh's that they'd got into trouble in the first place. He didnt like Mindy, but he wanted Josh to be happy.

Once Drake was in the bathroom he pushed his shirt off of his shoulder, looking at the blob of small finger shaped bruises. Staring into their deep purples, he decided he wasnt going to that party, he didnt even want to leave the house. He was sure they'd be waiting for him again. After he finished in the bathroom he called trevor to let him know he wouldnt be over today. _He was sick and didnt want to go out _he'd lied.

Drake spent the entire day in his room, writing out lyrics and chords for new songs. It kept his mind busy, and he loved it. He felt happy when he worked on his music, like nothing could touch him.

the sudden knock on the door startled him. He looked up as his mom entered the room with the ohone in her hands. "You've got a phone call."

Thanks." Drake said, taking the phone from her. He waited until she left the room to put it up to his ear. "Hello?"

"hey parker." The cold voice sailed across the line.

Drake felt his grip tighten on the phone. "What do you want?"

"Just wanted to make sure you were coming over tonight." the voice chuckled. "We'd hate for you not to show up."

"I cant." Drake said, trying to sound more sure of himself. "Im grounded."

"You'll be there," The voice growled. "We'd be awefully angry if you didnt show up."

"I cant go." Drake said again.

"I'm not asking Parker. Be here at eight, or our next encounter wont be so plesent." He snapped before hanging up.

Drake pulled the phone away from his head with shaking hands, the beep of the dial tone ringing in his ears. Josh had told him not to go, he didnt want to go. But if he didnt he was sure there's be worse then small bruises on his shoulder.


	5. Never should have gone

It was seven thirty when Drake made his chioce. He could hear Josh's voice eching in his ears, telling him not to go as he climbed out of his nedroom window. But stronger then Josh's advice, was the clear threat of what might happen if he didnt go. He'd never felt like more of a coward as he carefully climbed down and hit the ground, the force driving up his legs and making him stumble.

He pulled the paper out of his pocket, looking at the address messily written on its crinkled surface. It would take him nearly forty miutes to walk there! Taking a deep breath, Drake began to jog. It he just showed up, for only a few minutes, then maybe he could talk to them. He could figure out why they were doing this, and hopefully, get them to stop.

every time he stopped to catch his breath, he re checked the address. He was getting closer, and his stomach was knotting. He sholdnt be doing this. He told himself over and over again. Usually, when he had that thought he pushed it away because Josh was with him, fun was a few steps away. But now he was alone, and Drake didnt know what to expect.

Finally, he made it to the house. he stood outside, the chill of the night air freezing the sweat on his back. He waited, catching his breath as he looked at the house. Loud music was beating against the well lit windows, shadows blotting out their light every so often. He took slow, short steps toward the door, delibratly taking his time. His mind raced with whether to go in, or turn and run home.

Drake closed his eyes and knocked on the door. Moments later one of the boys, obviously drunk, pulled it open and smiled. "Parker!" he squeeled, spilling his drink. "come on in man."

He ushered Drake into the house, a hand closed on his shoulder like they were old friends. Drake tried not the flinch as the fingers drove into the bruise on his shoulder. "Guys," The boy slurred. "Parker's here!"

Loud cheering errupted from the other room, where the boys who'd been bothering him sat together, beers in hand. A think cloud of foul smelling smoke hovered above them, slowly rising to the ceiling and dissapearing. Drake looked around the room nervously, there was no one else there. He wanted to leave, to make a run for the door and get home as quickly as possible. His legs wouldnt follow the orders his mind screamed at them, they simply followed the lead of the hand on his shoulder.

"Cody, Parker's here." The drunk grinned widely, the alcohol on his breath filling Drake's nostrils.

cody stood up, smiling wickadly as he handed drake a beer. Drake's hands accepted the can, but his fingers didnt open it. He held it tightly, feeling like he could crush it with his nearves.

"Glad you came." Cody's voice sailed through the smoke, reeking and cruel.

"I cant stay long." Drake said, trying to supress the urge to cough. The smoke was hurting his lungs.

"Then we better start having fun." Cody turned toward the others. "Mike, Paul, prepare the shots!" He called out the orders enthusiastically.

"No, I cant," Drake tried to sound polite.

"Sure you can." Cody said, the humor gone from his voice. "A few shots wont hurt you."

Drake let Cody lead him into the kitchen where a line of empty shot glasses were waiting on the counter. The kitchen lights gleamed off of them as the alcohol was messily poured. His stomach was knotting just thinking about them. This had been a bad idea, he shouldnt be here.

Drake set the unopened beer on the counter and turned to face the way back to the living room. "I should go guys, I'm all ready going to be in trouble for leaving the house."

An unexpected hit across the face was Cody's reply. Drake starred at him, wide eyed and dazed. "Stay and drink with us Parker." Cody nearly growled.

Drake didnt reply, he just let his feet walk him over to the counter. Mike put a glass in his hands and set another next to him. "Drink up." Mike taunted.

Drake closed his eyes and swallowed the first shot, his throat burning as the alcohol raced into his stomach. The other was pushed into his visably shaking hands, all of them watching him intensly. Drake squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep back the tears as his eyes watered. The bitter taste made his face cringe and stomach lurch. He swallowed the bile, looking at the boys with pleading eyes as they handed him another.

"Please..." his voice was so small he could barly hear it.

"Drink it." Cody said coldly.

Drake took the third shot, barly feeling the burn. He could feel the world moving slowly around him as his empty stomach accepted the assult. He'd never been drunk before, but he was sure that he was now. He locked eyes with Cody, trying to look mean as he refused the forth shot. No more! His stomach begged. Get out of there. His brian screamed.

"You drink like a bitch." Cody laughed, the others joining him.

"I... I wanna go home." Drake said desperatly.

Cody hit him again. Drake could taste blood from his split lip trickling over his tongue, the copper taste making him nauseus. The boys moved until they stood around him, a cirle of grinning faces with glowing, cruel eyes.

Before Drake could figure out what was happening mike pushed him forward, sending him stumbling into Cody. He was roughly pushed back, it was everything he could do to avoid bumping into Paul.

"Why are you guys doing this?" He tried to sound strong, but his voice was cracking, letting the fear seep out. "I didnt do anything to you." He was sure he'd never done anything to them, he couldnt remember anymore though.

"We dont like you." Mike snarled. He pushed Drake again, this time the other boys moved, watching as Drake fell to the hard linolium floor.

Everyone likes me... Drake thought to himself as tears welled up in his eyes. Im Drake.

Cody knelt down beside him, grabbing his hair and forcing Drake to look into his eyes. "You're pathetic." He said coldly. "No one likes you, the girls use you ya know."

Drake shook his head, denying everything they were saying. It wasnt true!

"You're only good for one thing Parker." Andrew said, kicking Drake's side with his shoed foot. "Well, maybe two things."

Drake couldnt stop the tears falling over his cheeks, couldnt look away from cody as he held his hair tightly in his hand. He tried to reach for Cody's hand, to make him let go. Cody used his free hand to slap Drake's away.

"We're not donr Parker." Cody spat.

"What do you want?' Drake whispered.

"To make you suffer." Cody smiled. "Youve stollen all of our girlfriends, then you broke each of their hearts, so we're going to break you."

"I didnt," Drake pleaded.

"You did. You're pathetic, a disgrace to men everywhere. Your looks wont save you, and, you wont have them much longer. You're shallow, thats why you dont have any real friends. You're weak parker." Cody's words hurt, but the hand pulling his hair hurt more. "Can't even handle a few shots." Cody chuckled.

He released Drake's hair, all of them laughing as he curled up on the floor. Mike and Paul grabbed Drake's arms, forcing his to stand on unstable legs. His vision swam as Cody hit him again, his sight exploding with bright spots as his head jerked back.

Drake couldnt repress the scream as Cody hit him. It hurt, everything hurt. He knew he was going to throw up if they didnt stop soon. He begged them to leave him alone, his words incoherent as he tried to hold back the sobs. He wasnt any of they things they'd said! He had friends, he had Josh...

He could hear Josh's voice in the back of his mind, elling him not to go. Telling him to make them leave him alone. He looked up at Cody, the vision in his left eye distorted by the swelling. "Leave me alone." His voice rattled, like gravel onder tires. He sounded terrible.

"What?' Cody laughed.

"Leave me alone." Drake repeated, spiting blood onto the floor.

Cody nodded. Mike and paul released Drake's arms, letting him fall onto the floor. "get out of my house Parker. If you tell anyone about this, the next time will be much worse."

Drake pulled himself to his feet, feeling the world sway as he tried to steady himself. He took a few steps toward the door, checking to see if they were following him. They werent moving, just watching him with cruel features across their faces. Drake made sure he could move, and ran for the door, bursting out of it and running toward home. He didnt look back.

He didnt make it very far before he tripped over his own feet and fell unto the sidewalk. He vomited then, crying as his throat burnt with the alcohol and bile. He sat on his knees, waiting for the nausea to stop before pulling out his cell phone. He couldnt run home, he could barly see straight. His fingers stumbled over the buttons as he searched for Josh's number. He breathed heavily as he hit call, waiting for Josh to answer.

_Please, please pick up._ he silently begged.

"Drake?" Josh sounded annoyed. "Where are you, mom's furious."

They knew he was gone. He didnt want to worry about that now. "Josh," his voice crakced. "Josh, please..." he moved he phone as he threw up again. "I need you to come and get me."

"Are you vomiting?" Josh asked, worry and disgust audible in his voice.

"Drunk..." Drake said, he could feel the world spinning around him.

Josh scoffed. "You went to that party, didnt you?"

"I had to..." Drake forced the tears back, he didnt want to think about it.

Silence accumpanied the static over the line for what felt like forever. "Josh?" Drake nearly begged.

"Where are you?" Josh's voice was empty.

Drake looked up at the signs near the road, squinting until he could read them. "Corner, corner of may and birch."

"Stay there." josh said before hanging up.

drake didnt know how long he'd been waiting when the bright lights of the car flashed over him. After he'd pushed the phone back into his pocket he'd crawled over to the sign and leaned agianst it, fading in and out of conciousness. He wanted to sleep, he wanted to feel safe. Everytime he heard anything he looked around nervously, expecting to see Cody and his friends. Cody's words echoed through his mind as his head bobbed. _Lies_. He told himself.

Josh parked the car and stepped out, lookign at his brother with angry eyes. The anger was dismissed by a sudden wave of worry as he saw the split lip, the black eye. He ran to Drake's side, kneeling down beside him.

"What happened?' He nearly shouted.

Cody's warning shot through Drake's ears as he looked at Josh. he wanted to tell him, but he was terrified of wht else those boys would do. "Got mugged." Drake lied, his words sliding.

Josh shook his head and pulled Drake to his feet. He was angry with his brother, but in this state, it'd do him no good to yell at him. Drake wouldnt listen anyway. He never listened. Josh got Drake into the car and began the drive home, trying not to look at his passed out brother. He was dissapointed in him. For sneaking out, for drinking. drake was above those things, but he'd done them anyway.

It took four tries to wake Drake up when they got home. When Drake's bloodshot eyes finally opened, Josh helped him out of the car without a word. He didnt want to talk to Drake, not right now.

Drake looked at the doorway and another wave of fear coursed through him. Audrey was standing there, watching as Josh helped him inside.

"What happened to you?" She asked, her anger hidden under motherly concern.

"Mugged..." Drake barly managed the singular word.

Audrey could smell the alcohol on Drake's breath and her concern was gone. "Take him to bed." She said to Josh, voice cold as she watched Josh help Drake up the stairs.

Drake didnt change his clothes when he got to his room. He looked at his bed, felt it calling out to him and followed that soft voice. Josh helped him into the bed, not responding as Drake thanked him. I never should have gone... Drake thought as he slipped into unconciousness.

~.~.~.~.~.

**A/N:** Trying to get longer chapters out to you guys, but, I'm a bit more focused on 'researching' things for my book. I hope this chapter will do for now, and hopefully I'll have more up soon.


	6. First blood

Drake awoke to the pounding in his head. A steady, violent throb that echoed against the walls of his skull. He didnt want to open his eyes, he just wanted to sleep. To sleep until the pain in his limbs went away, until his head ache died off and left him alone.

He tried not to think about what had happened last night. He'd went to that party, gotten drunk, and then they had beaten him until he could barely walk. Josh had come to get him, after that, he didnt really know what had happened.

Drake moved as slowly as he could, feeling the world shift and his stomach turn as he went to get up. He spent long minutes sitting there, trying toi collect himself as he preparred to move again.. He needed to get to the bathroom, needed to start moving. Drake closed his eyes and started to run. It took all of his concentration to keep from falling as he pushed through the bedroom door, down the hall and into the bathroom. He barly had time to shut the door and open the toilet lid before his stomach emptied itself.

He could feel tears burning in his eyes as he continued to throw up. The dry heaves were the worst, ripping through his body with violent force until all he could do was cry as he rested his head against the cold lip of the bathtub.

With closed eyes, he felt the bruise on his abdomen where andrew had kicked him. His elbows hurt, his head throbbed as he remembered. every hit came back to him as their words echoed in his memory.

_You're pathetic. No real frinds. the girls use you... Pathetic... No one likes you, gonna break you_

Their voices wouldnt go away, no matter how hard he tried to make them. Slowly, Drake pushed himeslf to his feet, grasping the sink for support as he looked into the mirror. His lip was split, and his left eye was black. There had been a time when a zit seemed like the worst thing that could happen to his face, but looking at it now he knew better.

Gingerly, he touched his eyes, feeling the sting. He lifted his shirt, staring at the bruise from Andrew's shoe. It hurt, everything hurt.

As soon as he felt steady, Drake walked out of the bathroom, slowly heading downstairs. He could smell bacon, and though the thought of h=eating made his stomach twitch, he was starving. He looked into the kitchen, seeing his mom standing at the stove. He wanted to burst into the kitchen and hug her, to tell her he was sorry for leaving. he wanted her to tell him that everything was going to be okay.

Audrey turned around when she heard him enter the kitchen, looking at him sharply as he approached her. Her gaze softened briefly as she looked at his black eye and split lip. She turned away from him, scooping the bacon out of the pan and handing him the plate.

"It'll help with the hangover." She said, refusing to look at him. She was angry, and this time, she wasnt going to back down.

"Thanks." Drake croaked, his throat raw from thowing up.

"You're grounded for real this time." She replied coldly, her hands griping the handle to the oven. "I dont know what you were thinking last night, but I'm very dissapointed in you."

He looked up from the plate, at her back as she contu=inued to look away. "Mom, I'm sorry..."

Audrey shook her head. "Sorry doesnt fix this Drake. You snuck out of the house and got drunk. You could have been killed trying to walk home."

"But,"

"But nothing." She snapped, cutting him off. "You arnt old enough to drink, and obviously, you arnt mature enough to handle alcohol." She said, looking at his beaten face. "What were you thinking?"

Drake shook his head. "I, I wasnt."

"You arnt to leave the house until school starts next week." She said sterntly.

drake set the plate down, starring at her. "What about practice?"

"You should have thought about that before sneaking out." Audrey faught to keep her voice steady. "You can go to trevor's before the show on saterday, but after the show you're coming straight home."

"Thats not fair!" He nearly screamed.

"Niether was making us worry about you last night." She glared at him, a look so cold he backed away from her. She'd never been so tough on him before. "I dont know what came over you, but I dont like it. Drake, there are conciquences to bad choices, and if you dont learn that now, then you never will."

Drake wanted to tell her about Cody and his friends, to make her see that he had to go. He was afraid of them, they wanted to hurt him. He stared into her deep, hurt eyes, mouth forming the words.

_If you tell anyone about this, the next time will be much worse._

He was more afriad of what might happen to him for telling then he was of his moms anger. Drake bit back the words, taking the plate and sitting at the table. He ate it slowly, holding back tears.

Audrey turned away from her son, refusing to show weakness. She hated to be so hard on him, but if she didnt put her foot down this time, she didnt know what he'd do next. When Josh had brought him home last night, drunk and beaten, she'd wanted to cry. To hold him and tell him that it would be okay. But those were the soft actions that had always made him think he could do whatever he wanted. She had to think about his future now, and if she didnt put her foot down to his misbehavior now, she didnt want to think about where he might end up.

Drake finished the bacon, feeling a little batter and left the plate in the sink. He walked back up to his room, his head hung low. Another week stuck in the house, without practice to distract him from the torments on his mind. It didnt seem fair, but he knew better then to argue with his mom, expecially when she was this upset.

Drake pulled out his cell phone to call Trevor. He had to let him know that he wouldnt be at practice this week. It rang four times before Trevor picked up, his cheerful voice booming across the line.

"Hey man, what time are you gonna be here?"

Drake sighed heavily. "I'm not comeing."

Trevor chuckled. "Funny, what time?"

"I'm serious," Drake said, trying to hide his distress. "I'm grounded, I cant leave the house. I can come by before the show on saterday, but not till then."

"Dude... that wont be enough time."

"I'm sorry." Drake whispered, sinking into the couch.

"What happened?" Trevor asked, slightly annoyed.

Drake chewed on the words before speaking. "I snuck out last night, to go to a party..." His voice trailed off.

Trevor didnt reply at first. All Drake could hear across the line was static and soft curses. "Well good going." Trevor said harshly. "I guess we'll see you saterday." And the line went dead.

Drake set the phone down, picking his guitar up and strumming it softly. Everyone was angry at him. No one knew the truth, and he couldnt tell them. He didnt cry as the hours of the day slipped away. He just sat on the couch, taking what little comfort he could from his guitar. He played songs that used to make him happy, only know they all sounded off. He didnt play the cheery cords that belonged to them. Only soft, somber sounds broke the silence as he tried to think of what to do next.

He'd barly moved all day, getting up once or twice to use the bathroom. He'd fallen asleep multiple times, the hangover lessening every time he woke up. He didnt know what to do, his friends werent calling, and he didnt really want to talk to them. They were angry, and, he suppossed he could understand. No doubt Trevor had all ready called the others and told them that there wouldnt be practive for the rest of the week. He'd let everyone down.

When Josh finally got home Drake cheered up. If there was one person he could count on, it was Josh. He waited impatiently for Josh to come upstairs. Everytime he heard a sound outside the door he turned and looked, hopeing that it was Josh. He waited forty inutes until finally, Josh entered the room.

Josh didnt look at Drake as he entered the room and set his stuff down, didnt acknowledge him at all. Dake's smile dissapeared as Josh turned to leave the room.

"Josh?"

Josh looked at his, his face empty of any emotion. "What?"

Drake bit his lip. Josh was upset. "What's wrong?" He asked, twisting his fingers in his shirt.

"Nothing." josh lied. He was a terrible liar.

"Then why are you ignoring me?" Drake asked, his voice harder then he'd meant it to be. He needed Josh right now.

Josh exhaled heavily, taking a step closer to Drake. "What were you thinking last night?"

"I don't know..." Drake replied softly.

"Look at yourself, you could have been killed last night. You snuck out, got drunk..." Josh ran his hand through his hair, gripping the short hairs and pulling them. He didnt want to have this conversation right now. "Did you even think about what could have happened?"

Drake stared wide eyed at his brother, shaking his head. "Guess not."

"Exactly." Josh shook his head. "You never think, everyone was worried when we realized you were gone. I had to lie to our parents and pretend I didnt know where you'd gone. I'm not a liar Drake. You didnt care about us, and you certainly werent thinking about yourself." Josh shook his head, closing his eyes. "No, you were only thinking about yourself." He said bitterly.

"It wasnt like that." Drake argued, his fingers moving to the bruise on his abdomen, the slight touch making it hurt.

"Then what was it like?" Josh asked.

Drake wanted to tell Josh everything, but he was afraid of the anger in Josh's tone. If Josh knew that he'd gone out of fear, what would Josh think of him? What would they do to him if he told? Drake shook his head, holding back the tears burning in his eyes.

"You're so selfish." Josh said quietly, moving toward the door. "I don't know how to help you Drake, and honestly, I'm starting to think that there isnt any way to help you. You never think about how your actions effect anyone, and I'm done getting into trouble with you. I cant take it anymore. And I'm tired of the lies." Josh said softly, though his voice stilll held the anger that was coursing through his very being.

He didnt look at Drake as he left the room, he knew that if he did, he would either break down or start yelling. He was angry, and he knew that his anger was justified, but he loved his brother. He didnt want to yell, to get into a fight that he knew would hurt Drake. But he wasnt going to let the anger go, not this time. Drake had to take responcibility for himself, he needed to see what his chioces were doing to the people around him. So he left, because it was the only thing he could do.

Drake watched Josh walk out of the room, the sudden silence closeing in on him. He watched the door through blurred eyes as the tears forcde their way down his cheaks, waiting for Josh to come back. His mouth was full of words he wanted to say, but his voice had left him. There was no one there to comfort him now. He'd lied to everyone he knew, had dissapointed them, and now he was alone.

Drake drove his fingers into the bruises on his tired body, taking comefort in the pain. He let the tears roll out as the pain raced through him, assuring himself that he was still there. Over and over, he pinched the bruises, thinking about the things his mom and Josh had said. As Cody's words echoed through his mind.

With shaking fingers Drake twisted his guitar pick through his fingers until finally he started dragging it across his wrist, pressing it down as hard as he could. Over and over, he brought it across, until the skin welled up, red and irritated. He didnt care, not now. He needed to feel something as his heart beat against his chest, as the tears fell. He continued until it started to bleed.

Realizing what he'd done, Drake dropped the guitar pick onto the floor, staring st the streak of red on the small plastic piece. his eyes widened as he stared at the jagged cut, blood, his blood, lightly beading along it. As he exhaled he felt his head tingle with a wave of dizziness. He hadnt known he was holding his breath.

Drake stared at the cut, falling into it as countless words from strong voices echoed through his mind. He let his head fall into his hands, and he cried.

~.~.~.~.~.

**A/N:** So, five pages on wordpad doesnt look like much when its posted... More to come hopefully soon, my fiance just got guildwars 2, so, my computer time has been cut down.


	7. Hurt

**Disclaimer**: The Lyrics to_ Hurt _belong to Johnny Cash. Also, still dont own Drake and Josh.

**A/N**: I didnt know what chapter I wanted to use this song for, but I've been listening to it since I started outlining this fic. I know that things have been moving slowly, and, all together, that this fic hasnt been to good up till now, but I'm trying to get on track with it. Suggestions are welcome, as are thoughts on how its going. Just feeling kinda lost with it. I apologize for that.

~.~.~.~.~.

_"...I hurt myself today To see if I still feel  
I focus on the pain The only thing that's real  
The needle tears a hole The old familiar sting  
Try to kill it all away But I remember everything..."_

The days that followed that first, simple cut moved slowly. Drake spent most of his time alone in his room, counting the shadows on the walls as the light from the window moved with the hours. He palyed his guitar, strumming tunes for songs he hadnt written yet as he tried to keep his mind empty.

Josh hadnt talked to him in days, and he hadnt tried to talk to his mom. They were upset, and Drake couldnt deal with them right now. His bandmates hadnt tried to get ahold of him since he'd called Trevor, and he knew that they were angry. Everyne he could turn to was mad at him for one reason or another, and Drake wanted to put all of the blame on Cody and his friends. If it hadnt been for them, then none of this would be happening.

He knew that he had made the choice to go to the party, to do as they had said. He was afraid of them, and it made him feel helpless. It was pathetic, he was pathetic. Before this had started, he'd never felt so down and low, now all he could think about were the things Cody had said.

Drake wanted to believe that all of Cody's words had been lies, but the longer he spent alone in his room, the more they sank in. He was hiding from the people he thought could help him, too afraid to ask. Instead, he wallowed in self pity, cutting the soft flesh of his wrists. He needed that pain, that assurance that he was still alive in this time when everything he'd thought he knew was dissolving.

Drake picked up the blade he'd taken from the bathroom, letting its cool metal warm against his palm. Without thinking, he pulled it across his wrist and watched as the blood shyly made its way out from his wrist. He'd been doing it so often now that he barly noticed the pain. He only knew that it made him real, and he needed that reasurance.

Tonight was his last show before school started, his final summer adventure. He didnt feel very creative as he went over the music in his head. He packed up his guitar, his only friend it seemed, and headed down the stairs. Audrey was in the living room with Meghan when he walked toward the door.

"I'm going to trevor's now." He announced.

"Josh will bring you home as soon as the show is over." Audrey said over the television. "Have fun." She added awkwardly.

Fun... Drake could barly remember the feeling. "See you later." He replied softly as he headed out.

He glanced around nervously as he walked to Trevor's house. He hadnt been out in days, and he hoped that they werent waiting for him anymore. His black eyes had all but faded, and the remainder had been easily covered up, but he could still feel it.

He breathed a heavy sigh of relief as he stepped up toward trevor's garage door. He'd made it. Drake knocked softly, tapping his foot to the tune of one of his oldest songs as he waited for trevor to answer.

"Hey." Trevor said, looking at the scab on Drake's lip, the concealer attempting to hide the black eye. He let his anger go and placed a hand on Drake's shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Drake replied softly. :Happened the night I got grounded."

"By who?"

Drake shook his head, knowing what Trevor was thinking. "Some guy, I was walking home and he jumped me."

Drake bit his tongue as the lie sailed out of his mouth. He'd lied so often, he almost didnt realize when he was doing it.

"I'm sorry i was such a dick." Trevor apologized. "We're ready when you are."

Drake nodded and followed Trevor into the garage. For the next two hours they fixed the weak spots in their music. For the first time in more then a week Drake felt at ease with life. He lost himself in the notes of the music as they played through the set list. With his mind focused, he couldnt think about the fear. He became numb to the pain and all of the things that had caused it.

The rode to the club together, grinning widely in anticipation. After tonight, they'd be getting ready to go back to school. Shows and practices would be few and far between, and they wanted to enjoy this one. As soon as they arrived they got everything set up and waited impatiently for the show to begin.

After forty minutes of waiting they were called out onto the stage. Drake let the heat of the bright lights wash over him, taking a moment to close his eyes and breath. He aproached the microphone and smiled out at the people watching them, waiting for the show to begin.

The first five songs sailed by as Drake and the others fell into that familier rhythm. They played each song with a sence of joy and determination. The new song went just as smoothly as the old ones, and they were all glad for it.

It wasnt until after the intermision that Drake saw them standing front and center. They stared up at him with mocking smiles and narrow eyes. He tried not to look at them as the music started again. Despite the heat comeing from the lights, drake could feel the cold sweat on his neck. every few minutes his fell upon them, and he could feel his hands shaking. every few notes came out wrong as he faught to keep himself calm._ Not tonight. _He pleaded, _they've ruined so much all ready, just let me have tonight._

He could feel himself becomeing frusterated as he tried to focus. they were laughing at him, shaking their heads dissaprovingly as he continued to misplay notes. After three songs he turned toward the band, seeing the confussion on their faces. He didnt know what to say to them as he shook his head. He couldnt go on, not if he was going to keep playing like this.

Drake waited until each of them nodded in silent agreeance before apologizing to the crowd. He offered his best smile as he looked at the mass of confussed faces.

"Sorry guys, looks like were calling it a night." He tried to keep his voice steady. "You've been terrific, thank you."

He listened to the clapping, heard the groans of protest and whispers. He felt terrible as he and the others walked off of the stage.

"What happened up there?" Trevor asked when they were all backstage.

Drake shook his head, not knowing what to tell them. "Just cant focus..." he whispered, trying not to notice the dissapointment in their faces. "I, I'm sorry guys."

They were silent as they packed up their instruments and headed back to the van. Trevor turned toward Drake, looking at him awkwardly. "You comeing?"

"No," Drake said softly. "Josh is gonna pick me up, mom's orders."

"Kay." Trevor said before joining the others in the van and driving away.

_"...What have I become My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know goes away In the end..." _

Drake sighed heavily as he leaned against the club's outer wall. They'd worked so hard for tonight, and he'd messed it up. His bandmates hadn't voiced their aggitation, but he'd known it was there. He'd let them down, and all of those people...

Drake pulled up his sleeve, looking at the cuts he'd been hiding. Absentmindedly he picked at the scabs until they bled again, feeling bittersweet relief. It would be at least thirty minutes before Josh arrived to get him, and he didnt know what to do. He didnt want to go back inside and face the people he'd let down. He didnt want to risk running into Cody and his friends.

As if reading his mind, the group of his nightmares came around the corner. Drake could feel the panic rising inside of him as they walked toward him, grinning as he pulled at the back door to the club. It was locked from the inside!

"You trying to avoid us, Parker?" Cody asked as he walked over and put his hand on the door.

"N-No." Drake barly managed the words. He wanted to run, to get as far away from them as he could, but they were surrounding him now. He felt claustriphobic as they all stepped closer, closing in on him.

"You havent been around latly." Mike said, putting his arm out against the wall near Drake's shoulder.

"I got grounded for going to your party." Drake said, amazed at how strong his voice sounded.

"Are you blaming us parker/" Cody asked with mock shock.

Drake bit his tongue before narrowing his eyes. "Yes." he said without thinking.

Cody laughed darkly before moving even closer to Drake. "It's not our fault you dont respect your parent's rules." Drake could feel Cody's breath.

"Back off." Drake snarled, pushing himself further against the wall. As tough as he was trying to feel, he was still afraid of them.

"Brave tonight." Cody mused quietly. "But I can see right through you paarker. Your hands are shaking, and that preformance on the stage, well, it was weakk to say the least." He grinned.

Drake hadnt realized his arm was moving to hit Cody until he grabbed it and twisted it behind his back. Drake yelped at the sudden pain and squeezed his eyes shut. Cody's hnd was pulling at the cuts on his wrist, opening the freash ones.

"Let go!" Drake shouted, trying to pull his arm free.

"Shut up." Cody grwled as he pushed Drake aganist the wall, knocking the breath out of him. He let go of Drake's arm, laughing as he turned around and tried to look mean. "You're weak, Parker."

"I'm not." Drake said back, but his voice was craking now.

Cody hit him hard in the stomach and Drake fell to his knees. His breaths were short and ragged as he tried to compose himself. He tried to stand back up, only to be kicked in his all ready bruised side by paul. The tears were burning his eyes as he tried not to scream.

Then he heard the familier click of his guitar case and all of his recerve was gone. Cody pulled his cherished instrument from its case and held it distastefully. Drake tried to lunge at him, choking as Mike grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him back. Mike and Andrew held his arms as he struggled wildly against them.

"You really care about this thing, dont ya?" Cody asked slyly as he ran his fingers over the strings.

"Please," Drake begged. "Do what you want to me, but leave my guitar alone."

Cody smiled, a cruel twist of the lips as he dropped the guitar onto the rough pavement. It clattered loudly as it hit the ground, the sound was deafening to Drake as he watched helplessly.

"Stop it!" he screamed, pulling harder.

"Shut him up." Cody said, looking around to see if anyone was comeing.

Paul knelt down behind Drake and wrapped his hand over Drake's mouth, pulling his head against his chest. Drake tried to scream, he didnt care if no one heard him. He was scared, and he was angry.

Cody lifted his leg over the guitar, looking Drake in the eyes as he stomped down on the neck, breaking it.

Drake's screams were lost in the laughter of the boys holding him. He couldnt stop the tears as he closed his eyes, defeated. He'd never felt so helpless and weak in his life. He looked down at his broken guitar and he felt the fight go out of him.

Cody chuckled softly as he looked down at the broken insrtument. "You couldn't play it right anyway." He said as he knelt down in front of Drake. He moved Paul's hand away from Drake's mouth and grabbed him by the chin, forcing Drake to look at him.

"Basterd..." Drake barly managed the word as Cody held his face.

"When school starts you're going to give us your lunch money everyday. If we tell you to do something, you'll do it or things will get much worse. We hate you Drake, and soon, so will everyone else. You little band friends are all ready unhappy with you, and so is your family. You're all alone, and no one can help you. And if you tell anyone, they'll end up like your guitar." Cody smiled, letting go of Drake's face. "Do you understand?"

Drake didnt respond, earning him a sharp slap to the face. He could feel the heat from the red mark spreading across his face. He could tast the blood from his lip.

"You're not to stupid to understand, are you?" Cody taunted.

"I'm not stupid." Drake said softly, holding back sobs.

"Then you understand?"

Drake nodded. He wanted them to leave, wanted Josh to arrive and save him.

"Good boy." Cody laughed, stabding up and nodding at the others.

Drake slumped down as his arms were released, letting his head hang against his chest as he waited for whatever they would do next.

"See you in school." Cody said as he moved out from the allyway, the others following closely behind him.

Drake waited until they were gone to crawl over to his guitar, gently picking it up and putting it back in its case. He stroked the broken neck softly, crying as he ran his fingers over the crack. It wasnt fair.

He sat on the dirty ground, staring at his guitar through taers until his phone vibrated, shaking him from his thoughts. Josh was waiting for him. Drake snapped the clasps on the case shut and whiped the tears from his eyes before heading out to the parking lot. He didnt say anything to Josh as he placed his guitar in the back seat and sllid into the passenger seat.

Josh looked over at Drake, he was never this quiet after a show, that was when he saw the mark across Drake's face, and the blood on his lip. "What happened?" he asked, concern obvious.

"Nothing." Drake's voice cracked. He didnt look at josh, because he knew that of he did he would start to cry.

"Drake, something happened." josh said, annoyed with the obvious lie.

"I got into a fight." Drake said softly. "Its not a big deal."

"Yes it is!" Josh nearly shrieked. "What happened?"

Drake shook his head. "Nothing okay! Just leave it alone." He was letting his anger out at Josh, and he felt sorry for it.

_"...I wear this crown of thorns Upon my liar's chair  
Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair  
Beneath the stains of time The feelings disappear  
You are someone else I am still right here..."_

Josh shook his head, starting the car. "I know you're lying to me." he said flatly. "I thought you were done lying to me, I thought you were going to change." Josh snapped. "I guess I was wrong. I don't know you anymore Drake, and if this is the way you want to live your life, sneaking around and lying, then i dont want any part of it."

Drake knotted his fingers in his lap, hundredsof words forming in his mouth as he tried not to speak. He didnt want to loose Josh, not again. He knew Josh was serious, but he couldnt say anything. He didnt want them to hurt Josh. "Fine." Drake croaked, swallowing the tears as pain ripped through his chest.

Josh didnt say anything else to him as they drove home. Drake turned his eyes to the moving world outside the window, watching it slip away. Cody was right, he was loosing everyone. He didnt let Josh see the silent tears that broke free despite how hard he was fighting them.

When they pulled into the driveway Drake jumped out of the car, wiping away the tears as he grabbed his guitar and headed inside. He tried not to look at Audrey as she welcomed them home. It didnt take her long to see what Josh had, and instantly she was on her feet, stopping him from going to his room.

"Drake, what happened to your face?" she asked, gently cupping it in her hand so she could se it better.

"I got in a fight." he snapped, instantly sorry.

"What?" Audrey didnt believe it, Drake never got into fights.

Drake pulled away from his mother, trying again to run up the stairs.

"Drake Parker!" She raised her voice, causing him to stop and turn around.

"What?" he grunted, trying not to break down.

"What has gotten into you? Sneaking out, drinking, and now you're getting into fights?"

"It's nothing." He said, hands shaking again. He could hear his broken guitar rattleing in its case, and so could Audrey.

"Did something happen to your guitar?' She asked, reaching for the case.

Drake stepped away from her, anger in his usually soft eyes. "It got broken during the fight." It was all he could do not to cry as he remembered cody stomping down on it.

Audrey shook her head, trying to restrain her own anger. "You've gooten to be very irresponsible latley." She said. "I dont like these changes Drake, not at all."

"That makes two of us." he said sharply before turning away from her and running toward the safty of his room.

Audrey turned toward Wlater, who'd watched the entire sceen, speachless. "I dont know what to do with him." She confessed as she fell onto the couch next to her husband. "He's changing into this person I dont even know anymore."

"Something must be wrong with him." Walter said as he pulled her into his arms. "I'll try and talk to him tomorrow."

"Thank you." She whispered as the tears fell over her cheeks.

_"...What have I become My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know goes away In the end  
And you could have it all My empire of dirt  
I will let you down I will make you hurt..." _

Drake nearly slammed the door as he entered his room. Carefully, he set his guitar down in front of the couch and fell onto it, pulling his knees up toward his chest. He couldnt deal with the anger boiling inside of him, the hurt riding on every heartbeat. He pulled the razor from its hiding place under the couch cution and pulled up his sleeve, looking for an empty space.

He cried as he cut into the battered flesh. He was weak, pathetic. He was a dissapointment to the only people who'd ever really cared. He made a new cut for every lie he'd told that night, watching as the blood fell onto his jeans, soaking into the denim. He hated himself, and it hurt. They would all hate him too, if not all ready. Josh was giving up on him, and soon, his parents would too.

He jumped as Josh entered the room, quickly dropping the razor into the couch and pulling down his sleeve, holding it over the cuts to stop the bleeding. He didnt want Josh to see how weak he was.

"I hope your happy." josh said bitterly. "Mom's crying."

Drake shook his head, He was far from happy. He turned his eyes away from Josh, staring at the blood soaking through his sleeve and onto his hands.

Josh scoffed, irritated with Drake's silence. "Selfish." he whispered as he grabbed his pillow and blanket from his bed and stepped toward the door. He hesitated, despite his anger, and starred at Drake.

"Just leave me alone." Drake whispered, his breath ragged.

Josh shook his head, tears in his eyes as heleft the room, muttering under his breath.

Drake looked at the door as it closed, wanting more then anything to call Josh back into the room. He didnt want to be alone, not really. He wanted to tell Josh everything, to be told that things would be okay. But he couldnt. He'd built a wall of lies around himself and he didnt know how to break it down without hurting anyone else.

Drake pulled the razor back from where it had fallen and began to cut again, letting the tears fall. _I'm weak_. he told himself. _I'm a dissapointment, and they hate me for it._

He stared at his guitar case, longing to hold his guitar in his hands and take comfort in its beautiful music. That had been taken from him, like his happiness, his life. He wanted to go back to that first encounter, to walk away from it and tell everyone what had happened. To stop things from getting this bad. He wanted to be okay again, wanted everything to be okay.

_"...If I could start again A million miles away I would keep myself I would find a way..."_


	8. the power of words

The shrill beep of the alarm clock ripped through the dark, formerly quiet bedrooom, forcing Drake awake. He barly opened his eyes as he waited for Josh to turn it off. The beeping continued, slowly driving him into irritation before he finally sat up and looked over toward Josh's bed. It was empty, just like it had been for the last few days.

Drake pulled his stiff self out of bed and groggily walked over toward the alarm, hitting it until the beeping finally stopped. It was too early... He thought for long moments before remembering why the alarm had been set. School started today.

Drake inhaled deeply as he fell onto Josh's bed, curling up and looking at his wrists. Beneath all of those shallow cuts he could feel his pulse beating loudly. He didnt want to go back to school, they were there. He'd felt safe locked away in the house, they couldnt hurt him here. But there, he'd see them everyday and when the teachers werent watching... He didnt know what they'd do.

Long minutes passed before Drake finally pulled himself to his feet and stumbled toward the bathroom. It was empty, and he was glad for it. he stepped inside and looked into the mirror. There was still a scab on his lip, but the rest had healed away. He almost looked like himself again. He tried a smile, only to shake it away. he wasnt happy, and the look in his eyes prooved it.

Josh was allready set to go when Drake came down the stairs. _At least he's still driving me to school_... Drake thought as he grabbed some poptarts and followed Josh out to the car. The drive was silent, niether of them saying a word as the car moved down the familier roads. As they got closer Drake could feel his heart beating harder and he was sure that Josh could hear it.

He looked over at Josh as they pulled into the school parking lot, his eyes wide as he tried to hide the faer building within himself. Josh didnt look at his as he stepped out of the car, didnt wait for him as he headed toward the school. Drake closed his eyes as he stepped out of the car, letting out a shaky breath. _Maybe, _He thought desperatly,_ Maybe with all the witnessess around they'll leave me alone. _

Drake walked up to the school, looking at the building towering over him as he carefully entered the front doors. He was relieved when he didnt see them near his locker, or even in the hall. _Everythings gonna be okay_. Drake told himself as he unloaded his backpack into his locker, letting his head rest against the cool metal of the door.

He heard their voices before he saw them, and before he knew what to do he felt the shove on his shoulder, his head mashing against the locker door. Drake bit his lip to keep from crying out as the pain raced through his skull.

He turned around quickly, shutting his locker door and staring at Cody and his friends. They smiled as they looked into his fear coated eyes.

"Lunch money." Cody said, holding out his hand.

Drake shoved his hand into his pocket, pulling out the crinkled money and handing it over, hopeing that they'd leave him alone after getting it.

"Good." Cody smirked, placing the money in his own wallet. "You're gonna sit with us at lunch, got it?"

Drake nodded, looking around to see if anyone would help him. No one was paying attention.

Andrew pushed him back against his locker, sneering at him before he and the others walked away. Drake was relieved to see them go and instantly reopened his locker, checking his forhead with a small mirror. It hurt, but there wasnt a mark. He'd wished there had been, that someone had seen. He was too afraid to help himself, but if someone else saw, if there was proof...

The time between then and lunch passed quickly. Drake listened to the beel ring and wished that class would just keep going. He didnt want to go, but if he didnt... He walked toward the lunchroom, dread in every footfall. On the way in, Trevor and his friends stopped him, smiling despite what had happened at the concert.

"Gonna eat with us?" They wondered cheerfully.

Drake shook his head, seeing their dissapiontment. He knew they were watching as he went to Cody's table and sat down, could feel their confused, upset eyes on his back.

"looks like your friends are mad." Mike laughed, setting his lunch out.

Drake didnt respond. He watched them pull out their foor and felt his stomach groan in yearning. All he'd eaten that day were those poptarts, and he was starving. He tried not to stare at their lunches as they ate, but he couldnt look away.

Cody looked up at him, taking long, thourough chews of his sandwich. He made sure that Drake saw every movement of his jaw as he ate and smiled. "Its fine Parker," he grinned. "You're looking kinda pudgy this year, we're helping you." He said mockingly.

"I'm not fat!" Drake snapped.

"Well now you dont have to worry about getting fat." paul chuckled, shoving a fistful of chips into his mouth.

Drake didnt say anything else for the rest of their lunch period. He listened as the boys talked about school as if he wernt even sitting there. He glanced at the table where his friends were sitting, wishing that he were over there. wishing that this werent happening.

when the lunch bell rang and the students all got up to go to class Cody put a hand on Drake's shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. "You'll sit with us everyday." He said sternly. "You wont pack a lunch, and you'll keep giving us your lunch money, got it?"

"Why do you want my lunch money?" Drake asked, feeling his stomach growl.

"Think of it as payment, for us not bothering you too much here." Cody smiled.

Drake puilled away from Cody, feeling the anger in his fists. "Why wont you just leave me alone?"

"Because we're not done." Cody said simply before walking away.

drake watched them go, glad to see them dissapear into the sea of students filing out the caffeteria doors. Once he was sure he wouldnt run into them again, he headed out. His next class was english, and he knew that Ms. Hayfer wouldn't miss a chance to lay into him if he was late.

The rest of the day passed without incident, and before Drake knew it he was back in the car, riding in silence as Josh took him home. He didnt know how many times he'd glanced over at Josh, wanting to talk to him. Josh never looked back, didnt say anything. He could see the tention in Josh's arms as he gripped the streering wheel, and he knew that Josh was still angrey with him.

He stepped out of the car, looking in at Josh as he waited to drive to work. "Have a good day at work." Drake said softly, just wanting to see if Josh would talk to him.

"Yup." josh replied, waiting for Drake to close the door so he could leave. He wanted to talk to Drake, but he was determined to wait until Drake came to him. He wasnt going to deal with the lies anymore.

Drake shook his head and closed the car door, heading onto the house slowly as he listened to Josh drive away. Immediantly, he went to the kitchen. He was so hungry he felt sick, and he needed to eat something. He grabbed an apple from the counter and opened the refridgerator, searching for something else to eat with it.

"Drake?" Walter's voice was unsure as he entered the kitchen.

Drake looked up at his stepdad, waiting to see what he wanted.

Walter looked around the kitchen, hesitating. He'd told Audrey that he would talk to Drake, but he didnt know what to say. "We need to talk about last week." Walter finally blurted out.

Drake closed the fridge door and stared at Walter. "What about it?" he asked, hating how harshly the words had come out.

"You're a good kid Drake,you get into a little trouble here and there, but last week..." He didnt know why he felt so nervous. He'd never been very good at talking to Drake, but he was the father in this situation. "Sneaking out and getting into fights just isnt you."

Drake nodded. He didnt know what to say to Walter. "I know."

"Then why did you do it?" Walter asked.

Drake shrugged his shoulders. "You wouldnt understand." He said softly, looking down at the apple in his hands.

"I dont understand, thats why I'm asking. These choices are bad for you,"

Drake's eyes shot up at Walter, narrowing as the anger built up inside of him. _Choices_? He wasnt choosing any of this, they were making him... "Just leave me alone." he almost begged as he pushed past walter, not wanting to shout at him.

"Drake," Walter called after him, stepping out of the kitchen and watching as Drake ran up the stairs.

Drake didnt turn around as Walter called after him, he couldnt. There were tears in his eyes and he was too angry to deal with anyone. They didnt understand, they didnt know what was happening. If he told them, he couldnt risk them getting hurt. Cody and his friends were cruel, and Drake didnt wish them on anyone.

He slammed his bedroom door and leaned against it, sliding down onto the floor. He stared at the apple, too angry to eat it and threw it against the wall. He hated that apple, hated the hunger that his anger wouldnt let him satisfy.

Almost an hour passed before drake moved from his spot in front of the door. He was tired, and he was hungry, but he didnt want to go back downstairs. His mom and Walter were down there, and there were full of questions. The wrong questions. They were allready set to blame him, to hate him.

He tried to focus on his homework as he waited for dinner to be ready, the pain in his stomach making his limbs hurt. He didnt let himself cry as he struggled over the math problems, and Ms. Hayfer's voice echoed in his head while he tried to do his english work._ I hate you_. It echoed over and over.

_I know... _Drake thought. _Everyone does_.

No one said anything to him at dinner as he scarfed down the food. Audrey watched him with curious eyes, worried that he'd choke if he kept eating so fast. He couldnt belive how hungrey he really was, how little the food was sitisfying that hunger. He didnt know if he'd be able to make it through the entire school year like this.

He didnt say anything to anyone when he left the table. He'd noticed them starring, and he didnt like it. When they looked at him, they saw something he wasnt. They saw a troublemaker, a rebel in the making. The didnt see the pain that lived in ever bit of himself. The suffering that he saw so clearly it hurt.

Josh didnt come to their room again that nought. Now, more then ever, Drake felt alone. He couldnt tell anyone what was happening, not if he wanted to keep them safe. If they'd only ask the right questions, if they could put it together... He knew that they had the strength to stop it, they had the power that he didnt. He was a coward, he was weak...

Drake curled up in his bed, his battered wrist laying limply before his eyes. He'd watched himself bleed so many times since the beginning, had lied so often. Before now, he'd never realized how often he lied, how easily he did it. He used to be proud of that ability.

Drake closed his eyes, forcing himself to fall asleep. If he was asleep, then these thoughts, the memories, couldnt hurt him.

The next week passed much like the first day of school. Cody and his friends didnt bother Drake too much, small shoves and light hits when noone was watching. Every day they took his money, made him sit with them during lunch. Drake was well aware of the irritation growing inside of his friends. The way they glared at him as he shrugged them off to sit with Cody, the total lack of comunication. They didnt even respond to him when he tried to talk to them in the halls.

Cody's plan was working, and it made Drake sick. His family was angry with him, his friends hated him. he was alone now, more vulnerable then ever. He was beginning to loose weight as well. Most nights he was too upset to eat, and he wasnt allowed to have lunch. He was fat, he was undesirable.

Drake was starting to believe everything Cody told him every day. Those words that he'd so strongly denied before sank in, became real as he thought about them.

He was in English class, waiting for the day to end so he could go home when Ms. hayfer singled him out. All week he'd tried to be on his best in her class, to avoid trouble. He was staring off out the window, not hearing a word she was saying when she started repeating his name.

"Drake!" She finally yelled, standing only a few feet away from him.

He snapped his attention toward her, looking at her with terrified eyes. "Yes?" he asked softly.

"You werent paying atention, were you?"

Drake shook his head. "No..."

She smiled briefly before turning away from him. "Thats not the first time I've noticed you staring off in my class Drake, after school, your to come back I need to talk to you."

"Okay..." Drake's voice was almost a whisper. He tried not to look at the other students in the room who were watching him. Refused to look at Cody, the smile on his face spreading like a virus.

Drake spent the remainder of the day dreading the final bell. He just wanted to go home. If he stayed after school, he'd have to walk home, and he was terrified of that walk. He'd be alone, without the school to protect him. He knew it, and so did Cody.

The final bell rang loudly through Drake's classroom, shattering his calm as he went to his locker in a trance. One step at a time. He looked over at Josh, watched him grab his things and head toward the door. Josh knew not to wait for him tonight, but Drake had hoped he'd at least talk to him, offer to wait just a few minutes longer.

As Josh turned to corner and dissapeared from sight Drake felt himself forced forward into his locker. The force of the hit bashed his face, and instantly he felt the warm blood drip from his nose. Drake brought his arm up, using his sleeve to hold his bloody nose as he looked at Cody.

Cody smiled, stepping closer to drake. "You shouldnt stand so close to your locker Parker."

Drake stepped back, forcing himself against his locker. "Until this year, it was never a problem." he said, trying to find his courage.

Cody glanced across the hall, making sure no one was paying attention before he hit Drake across the face. "I dont like to be talked back to." He snarled.

Drake looked up at him, wide eyed and afraid. He'd hit him, in the school! Drake stumbled over words, unable to say anything.

Cody smiled, taking a step back. "Thats better." He looked at Drake, loving the way he trembled. "See you later, Parker." he said as he started down the hall, pushing past craig.

Drake waited until the hallway cleared out before he headed toward Ms. Hayfer's classroom. He didnt want to see her, not after his encounter with Cody. He didnt know how much more he could take today.

Drake knocked softly before entering the classroom, watching as Ms. hayfer looked up at him distastfully and beconed him in.

"You wanted to see me." Drake said as he stood infront of her desk.

"It's the first week of school, and your doing terribly." She stated, not looking up from her papers.

"Im sorry." He replied, looking down at his shoes. He watched the drop of blood from his nose as it fell to the floor, splattering next to his shoe. He wanted to go home.

"Drake..." Ms. Hayfer said, looking at him oddly.

"Hmm." Drake barly responded as he stared at the blood on the floor.

"You're bleeding on my floor."

"Sorry." He apologized again.

Ms. Hayfer folded her hands on her desk, trying to hide her disgust. "Drake, if you dont pull your grades up, then I'm going to put you back in remiedial english, Is that understood?"

"Yes ma'am." he replied, looking up at her with distant eyes. He whiped the blood from his face, trying not to look pathetic.

"Good, you can leave now." She said, watching as he moved toward the door. "And Drake, I hate you."

"I know." Drake replied softly as he pushed through the door.

He didnt hesitate as he rushed through the building, almost running for the front doors. Maybe Josh hadnt left yet. He hoped blindly as he stepped outside and turned toward the parking lot. He scanned the lot vigorously for the car, but it was gone.

Drake let his head fall against his chest as he stepped forward. He didnt want to walk home, he didnt want to be alone. He'd only taken a few steps when he heard the car screech to a stop near him. He looked up, hoping to see Josh, but instead, it was Cody and his friends.

"Get in." Cody grinned through the open window.

"No thanks." Drake said, taking a step back.

Paul and mike climbed out of the back seat, moving toward him and grabbing his arms before he could think to run.

"Get in parker." Cody growled.

Drake followed their lead helplessly to the car, forcing down tears as he was forced inside.

~.~.~.~.~.

**A/N:** Dun dun dunnnn Cliff hanger! What's going to happen next? Where is my insanity taking us, more importantly, where is it taking drake? That and more in the next exciting installment of this fic! Wich will hopefully be up soon...


	9. Nevermind the scenery, its only bleeding

**Disclaimer**: _Nevermind the scenry _belongs to Dax Riggs. My stars do i adore that man and every band hes played with. :)

**A/N: **WARNING! This chapter gets a bit graphic. And sad...

~.~.~.~.~.

_**"...nevermind this body it's only dying  
if they're smiling i must be crying  
if you're awake i must be dreaming  
nevermind this body it's only breathing..."**_

Drake could feel the tension in every one of his muscles as the car moved. He didnt know where they were going, he didnt want to know. He watched through the window as familier streets slid by in blurs of color. He listened to the boys in the car talk casually about their days, as if they hadnt just kidnapped him.

The cuts on his wrists itched as he tried not to think about what might happen to him. No one knew where he was going, where to look for him when he didnt show up at home. Part of him didnt think they'd care, the rest of him knew that they would be angry.

When the car finally pulled into a driveway and stopped Drake looked up. They were at Cody's house. He could feel the panic setting in as he tried to stay calm. It was going to be okay. He told himself over and over again, wishing that he could believe it.

"Get out." Cody called back to him as they others stepped out of the car.

Drake held his backpack protectivly as he slid out of the car, looking down the street. He knew that he couldnt outrun them, that if he tried they'd hurt him. He shuddered as Paul grabbed his arm and forced him to follow the others into the empty house. Cody's parents were away on buisness they'd said in the car.

Drake looked around the empty rooms as he was taken to the living room and pushed toward the couch. He sat down silently, watching as they moved about the house. For a moment, he thought that they might have forgotten him. That false hope was shattered as Cody and andrew returned with a case of beer and sat on each side of him.

"Do you still drink like a bitch?" Andrew asked, laughing.

Drake didnt think it was funny. "I dont want any." he said, wrapping his hands tighter around his backpack.

He expected the hit to his face. He could taste bloos on his tongue, could see his blood on Cody's knuckled as his nose began to bleed again. Instinctivly he pushed his sleeve against his nose, trying to stop the bleeding.

"You think you're too good to drink with us?" Cody asked, opening the first can and taking a long drink.

"I dont like to drink." Drake's voice shook. He remembered the last time he'd drank with them, and he didnt want to do it again.

"Cody opened another beer and handed it to Drake, glarring at him. "Drink it."

Drake took the can with shaking hands, sipping it. The bitter taste made him wince as he forced it down. He just wanted this to be over with so he could go home.

For the next hour they shoved beers into drake's hands, watching as he choked them down under the threat of being beaten if he didnt. Twice his cell phone rang, and each time they refused to let him answer it. He knew it was probably his mom, wanting to know where he was. He wanted to tell her, to have her come and save him.

He could feel the feeling in his face and hands slowly dissapearing as he began to get drunk. The more he tried to simply sip the beers, the harder they forced them down his throat. Drake didnt know why they'd brought him here, and he was afriad to ask. He didnt want to be hit again.

The loud knocking on the front door startled Drake, causing him to drop the beer he'd just been handed. He closed his eyes, expecting to be hit. After long secounds he opened them again, no one had noticed the dropped beer, they were all at the door, welcoming in whoever was there.

Drake quickly picked up the can, freezing as he heard the girlish laughter and rattling of chains. Her watched the archway that connected the rooms, holding his breath as he waited. Cody and the others walked back into the room, and behind them were the Bartleby sisters.

Drake felt his hands shaking, the sounds of the beer sloshing around the can loud in his ears. He didnt want to know why they were there, why the others had spent the last hour forcing beer down his throat. He turned his pleading eyes to Cody, silently begging to be let go.

"You've got visitors Parker." Cody said slyly, sitting down next to Drake.

"Hey boyfriend." Ellen smiled, stepping closer to Drake.

Janet stepped forward, lightly shoving her sister to the side. "Me first."

Drake tried to push himself into the couch, to get as far away from them as he could. They were staring down at him like some kind of rare gift, and it sent chills down his spine.

Paul pulled Drake forward roughly by the arm, causing him to drop the can again. "Say hello to your guests." He demanded.

"Hi.." Drake said, trying not to look at them.

Ellen and Janet dropped to their knees and looked up at Drake, their white teeth bright against the black lipstick outloning their smiles. They turned their eyes to the other boys in the room, grinning widely. They'd waited a long time to be so close to drake.

The closer they got to him, the more his fear set in. He didnt like any of this, didnt want to be here. Drake jumped as his phone started to ring again, pulling his concious mind forth from the cload of fear it was receding into.

Without thinking, drake lunged forward, away from the hands of anyone who might hurt him and grabbed his phone from his pocket. He needed to tell someone where he was, he needed to be saved from whatever they were planning. He barly had time to flip it open before Mike and Cody were onto him. Mike grabbed his arm, forcing him to scream as the cuts on his wrists were disturbed. Mike twisted his arm behind his back and clamped his hand over drake's mouth, trying to keep him quiet and Cody ripped the phone from his hands.

Cody looked down at the caller I.D. and laughed. "It's your brother." he taunted before bringing the phone to his ears and answering it. "Hey." he said cheerfully.

"Drake? Where are you, mom's worried because you arnt answering for her." Josh's voice sailed across the quiet room, worry and anger audible.

Drake could feel the tears falling across his face as he tried to call out to Josh. He didnt care that Josh sounded upset, that his mom was upset. He wanted someone to know what was happening, to help him.

"Hey, Josh-man," Cody laughed, pretending to be drunk. "Drake's hanging out with me man, he cant come to the phone right now. He's in the kitchen, haveing a beer or something." Cody grinned, starring Drake in the eye.

Josh scoffed. "Who is this, and where are you?"

Cody shook his head, holding back laughter. "Sorry dude, your killing my buzz." he said before hanging up the phone and sliding it into his own pocket.

Drake elt his hopes for rescue die with every word Cody said. Josh wasnt going to help him, not if he thought Drake had run off to go to a party. No one knew where he was, no one was comeing for him.

Cody walked toward Drake, shaking his head. "We let you into the house, gave you drinks and thats how you act?" He hit Drake hard in the stomach, smiling as the others laughed. "Shame." he whispered.

Mike moved his hand from Drake's mouth, giving him a moment to breath. Drake stared at Cody, ignoring the others. "This is kidnapping." he said softly, trying to pull his arm free from Mike's grasp.

Cody shook his head. "No it isnt. You wanted to come over, to disobey your parents and have some fun."

"No, i didnt." Drake tried to argue, only to be slapped.

"We're waiting." Ellen cut in, looking at Cody.

Cody smiled, turning toward the sisters. "I almost forgot about you two." He stepped away from Drake, looking from the sisters to him. "They like you, a lot." He grinned.

"Please, just let me go." Drake begged. He hated feeling so weak.

_**"...if they're alive i must be dead..."**_

Cody nodded to Mike, and Drake felt himself being shoved to the floor. In an instant Paul knelt down and gripped his wrists, holding them down against the carpet. Drake cringed as the fabric of his shirt scratched over the cuts.

Cody looked at him curiously before kneeling beside him, reaching toward his wrists. Drake struggled wildly, not wanting them ti see. He pulled as hard as he could, trying to loosen Paul's grip on him. It was a useless effort, the harder he tried to pull aay, the tighter Paul's grip became.

Cody pulled on Drake's sleeve, chuckling as he gazed upon the cuts, some healing, others bleeding from the struggle. "Cute." he said as he turned toward the others.

Ellen and Janet smiled, crawling toward drake, his wrists the only things they could see.

Cody pushed himself to his feet, looking down at Drake with cruel eyes. "You think its fun to pick girls up and break their hearts, to use them. Well, its your turn to be used."

Drake pulled again, his gut sinking as the sisters moved closer. He didnt want this! "Please," He called out to Cody, begging.

"Shut him up, before the nieghbors hear him." Cody said, grabbing a beer.

Andrew dissapeared into the kitchen, returning with a roll of duct tape and a wash cloth. Drake tried to scream as the cloth was forced into his mouth, nearly choking him. He let his head fall in defeat as the tape was streached over his all ready gagged mouth, feeling the tears run over his cheeks. All he could do was cry as Janet unfastened his pants and both sisters pulled them off. He turned toward cody, one last pleading look as Cody grinned and turned his eyes toward the television and turned it on.

"Guess not all of you is pathetic." Mike laughed, looking down at Drake's exposed manhood.

Drake turned his face away from them, embarrassed.

"I'm going first." Janet said, smiling at Drake.

"No, I am!" Ellen snarled, pushing her sister.

"I am!" Janet snapped back.

"Ladies," Cody smiled. "Theres plently of time for both of you." He flipped the channels untill he found something interesting to watch. "Just get it over with."

The girls smiled, pulling out a quarter and flipping it. Drake watched the silver disk twirl through the air, it was all his virginity was worth. Twenty-five cents...

Janet smiled as the quarter landed in her favor. Ellen sat back, pouting as her sister leaned over Drake, trailing her mouth over his hips. He tried not to think about what was happening, not to respond. He felt disgusted with himself as his body responded to the things she did to it, as it betrayed him.

Ellen stopped pouting and crawled toward Paul, urging him to move his hold on Drake's wrists. She leaned toward the bleeeding cuts, gently liking away the drying blood. Drake looked at her from the corners of his eyes, disgusted. He could feel her saliva inside of him, her lipstick smeared over his wrists.

He watched through blurry eyes as Janet removed her pants and forced him inside of her. He didnt want to think about what was happening, didnt want to acknowledge that it was real. His back scracthed against the carpet as she rocked his body back and forth, the burn resonating against his skin.

Drake forced his mind to distance itself from what was happening to his body. He didnt think about the Bartleby sisters, refused to feel them on his skin. Instead he thought of home, not as it was now, but as it had been before any of this had started. His misadventures with Josh, god they had been great! Even when they got into trouble, when Josh got that_ i told you so _look on his face... Meghan's pranks, as annoying as they had been, seemed so small and caring compared to the torments he had come to know.

The rough movements of his body faded into swift, calculated movements on the stage as he remembered the feel of his guitar in his hands. When he would stand infront of the masses and do everything he was born to do. The things he loved to indulge in. If he could hold onto those memories, then the body his mind was leaving behind was mearly breathing, and their actions couldnt touch him.

It took everything Drake had to focus on those memories, to hold them over his eyes and tune out the cruel world around him. He closed his eyes, letting the burning tears ooze over his face as he felt his body convulse, as exhaustion and release overtook him.

He refused to look at Janet as she laughed, enjoying what she had done. It wasnt unntil he felt the sharp slap to his face that he opened his eyes and saw her.

"I said, wasnt that fun?" She shapped, annoyed with his disinterest.

Drake didnt try to respond, it wouldnt have done hm any good to try. He let his head fall back into the carpet, the memories were gone, and he was trapped in reality once again.

ellen pushed her sister off of Drake, staring down at his sweat and mess covered body. She wanted her turn very badly, but she knew he'd need a few minutes, she would only give him a few minutes.

"You got a washcloth?" She asked Cody. She'd share the same guy with her sister, but she didnt want to share traces of her sister.

"Bathrooms down the hall." Cody replied, chuckling.

Drake pulled at paul's grip on his wrists, he knew he couldnt get free, but he had to try. He watched as Andrew walked over to relieve paul of his duty, cringing as he gripped his battered wrists. How much longer were they going to keep him here like this? Drake wasnt sure he wanted to know the answer.

ellen was back in the room a few minutes later. She knelt beside Drake and gently cleaned him up before discarding the cloth and going to work on him as her sister had done. It took longer this time. He was exhausted and sore. Drake hoped that it wouldnt work for her, that his body would just stay limp and they would let him go.

After long minutes of work Ellen smiled, delighted in the responce she was getting. As her sister had done, she worked it until it was ready and then forced it inside of herself. Drake cried out as the skin pulled, his body was all ready so sore from the first time.

This time he couldnt push what was happening away. Every agonizing moment of it ripped through him as he silently begged for it to be over. Ellen began to get impatient as time slipped by. Janet taunted her quietly about how much better she had done, causing her to get rougher with drake. A fresh batch of tears made their way from his eyes as the pain slowly crept over him. _Please... please just finish... _His mind screamed.

_**"...if they're laughing i must be weeping..."**_

Finally his body gave Ellen what she wanted, and despite his pain and anger, Drake was glad. It was over. It had to be, what more could they possibly do to him now?

Ellen stuck her tongue out at her sister and pulled herself off of Drake, leaning over him and kissing the tape over his lips. "Thanks boyfriend." She whispered before moving away from him and putting her clothes back on. Hesitantly, she and her sister pulled his pants back up and refastened them, staring at him with content smiles.

Drake closed his eyes, waiting to be released from the hell that he was in. He didnt hear the words the girls enthusiastically spoke about the experiance, tried to drown out the boys' laughter. He didnt think this was anything to brag about, and it deffinatly wasnt funny.

_**"...nevermind this body it's only dying  
if they're smiling i must be crying  
if you're awake i must be dreaming  
nevermind this body it's only breathing..."**_

As soon as the girls were gone Andrew released his hold on Drake's wrists. It felt like forever had passed since the last time he'd been able to move his arms, and the muscles were stiff. Slowly he moved his arms down, rolling onto his side and curling his body protectivly before pulling the tape from his lips. Drake spit the saliva soaked cloth onto the floor and closed his eyes. He wanted to die. He felt like a part of him had passed away in those horrible moments and the rest of him wanted to join.

"Well parker, you finally did something right." Cody chided as he walked around Drake, kneeling down beside his face.

"Please, just let me go..." Drake whispered weakly.

Cody laughed softly. "Soon enough." he promised as he grabbed a fistfull of Drake's hair and forced him to sit up.

To Drake's suprise, Cody didnt hit him. he motioned toward Mike to hand him another beer, then forefully offered it to Drake. "Im sure that buzz from earlier is gone." he grinned.

Drake didnt care what anyone would think as he accepted the drink. He was thirsty, and he was too tired to fight them on this. He opened the can, the crack of the tab breaking echoing across the room. He took a long, bitter drink before handing the can to Cody. "No more." He said, voice as strong as he could manage.

"I hope you enjoyed them." Cody said, referring to the now gone Bartleby sisters. "They certainly enjoyed you." Cody's eyes narrowed and his smile dissapeared as he stared into Drake's pained eyes. "How did it feel to be used? To be treated the way you treated the girls who left us for you? You broke their hearts."

Drake shook his head. "I never did anything like that."

Cody hit him, and Drake felt his world spin. "Might as well have. You've never had to pick up the pieces of your actions, but we have."

Drake tasted the blood on his tongue and instantly felt nauseus. He hated the taste of his blood. "I'm sorry." he managed as he swallowed the bile thryong to force its way out.

"Sure you are." Cody scoffed. He let his remaining anger out with a strong kick to Drake's stomach, watching with a twisted grin as Drake fell forward in pain.

"lets get him outta here." Cody said to the others. It was the last thing drake heard before slipping into darkness.

His head was pounding as he felt his body moving. Drake didnt want to open his eyes, so he listened. He could hear the car's engine growling softly. That explained the moving. he didnt know where they were going, but he hoped that they were taking him home. He tried not to think about what had happened at Cody's house, but the memories assulted him relentlessly. he'd been raped, then Cody had beaten him, again.

When the car finally stopped Drake felt his stomach churn. He was going to be sick, soon. The feeling worsened as Paul shook him roughly.

"Wake up." Paul growled.

Drake moaned, letting them know he was awake. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked out the window. They were about a block away from his house. He was suprised at how dark it was outside, how much time had passed since he had left the school?

Cody turned around in the driver's seat, glaring at Drake. "Not a word about what happened tonight, got it Parker?"

Drake nodded, trying to repress the vomit climbing up his throat.

Cody handed Drake his cellphone and unlocked the car door. "Get out."

Drake didnt say anything as he stumbled out of the car, the solid ground below him the greatest feeling he'd had all day. he watched the car speed off, leaving him in the dim light of the streetlamp as he fell to his knees and finally threw up. He was crying again, though this time the tears seemed as hollow as he felt.

He waited for long moments, letting the cool air sooth his hurting body before pushing himself to his feet. He glanced at his phone, it was nearly nine o'clock! There were at least ten missed calls from his mom, and he didnt doubt that the voicemails were full of angry worry. He didnt listen to them as he made his way home, trying to push away the pain in every movement.

He was sure that they had continued to hit him after he'd passed out. Everything hurt. Drake almost started crying again when his house came into view. He felt like years had passed since he'd been there, and he just wanted to go inside. He knew his parents would be angry, but he didnt care. He just wanted to feel safe again.

As soon as he opened the door he heard movement. Within secounds of him entering the house Audrey had stormed into the living room, ready to yell at him. She hesitated as she saw the blood on his lips, the bruises on face.

Before she could say anything Drake broke into tears and fell toward her, wrapping his arms around her so tightly he worried he might hurt her.

"Drake, what happened?' She asked, voice breaking as she held him in her arms. She was still angry, but right now, he needed her.

Drake pulled away from her, unable to look into her eyes. He couldnt tell her what had happened, eve though everything inside of him screamed at him to. He shook his head, swallowing the truth. "I got in a fight on my way home from school..."

"Another fight!?" She almost shouted. "Josh said you were at a party, drinking again."

"I, I'm sorry." He said, refusing to look at her.

Audrey shook her head, trying to balance her worry and anger. "Drake, whats going on?" She asked helplessly.

"Nothing." Drake said quickly. he couldnt tell her. What was he supposeed to say? I was kidnapped and raped? After all of the lies he had told, he didnt think she would believe him.

"Stop lying to me." Audrey snapped. She couldnt take it anymore. "Something is wrong, and you need to tell me whats going on." She shook her head, trying to hide her dissapointment.

"Nothings wrong." Drake lied, the tears building behind his eyes.

"Drake, I'm your mom, you can tell me." She tried, hoping that he would finally open up to her.

"You wouldnt understand." he said under his breath.

"Then make me understand." She replied desperatly. "I can't take the lies anymore Drake. You're coming home drunk, fighting. I dont understand whats happening with you, so please, help me to understand. Let me help you."

Drake shook his head, biting his lip. "I'm sorry." he said again, clenching his fists.

Audrey waited for him to say anything else, feeling the tears building in her own eyes. After a few minutes of silence she was sure that he wasnt going to tell her anything, and the anger returned. "Go to your room." She said quietly, though her voice was sharp.

Drake pushed past her, feeling the tears fall as he made his way to his room.

Audrey watched Drake move up the stairs, seeing the way his body cringed as he moved. She leaned against the wall, wrapping her arms around herself as she began to cry. She didnt want to be strict with him, because she was afraid that was the source of his pulling away. But she didnt know what else to do. She needed him to open up to her, to let her back into his life. She wanted to save him from the darkness he was falling into, but she didnt know how and it was breaking her heart.

Drake entered his empty room, falling onto josh's bed as he continued to cry. He wanted all of this to be over with, but he was weak. He counldnt tell anyone what was happening, and he wasnt sure if he was just worried about them getting hurt anymore. He was terrified of what they would think if they knew. Him, Drake parker, cool and collected had been bullied into lies and silence. He was a coward, and he knew that now. His mom had been right there, ready to listen, and he'd lied and run away.

If they knew what had happened tonight, what would they say? Boys dont get raped by girls, its unnatural, pathetic. Maybe they would hate him for loosing his virginity that way._ Twenty-five cents... _Maybe they would laugh, the way Cody and his friends had. He didnt want to know, couldnt handle knowing.

Drake slid onto the floor, pulling the razor blade from its hiding place in his backpack. he gritted his teeth as he cut deeper then he had before, lost himself in the blood as it fell freely onto his pants. The pants that were hiding his darkest secret...

All he wanted to do was fade away, to become a part of the background in life. At least then he wouldnt be hurting anyone anymore. If he could just dissapear, then his family wouldnt have to suffer through the lies. If they could just push him from their thoughts, then they wouldnt be hurt by him. Maybe, he could push away from the pain, numb himself to it until it was finally over. He was smart enough to know that he couldnt live like this anymore.

He was dying, and he knew it. Not just from the lack of food and constant abuse. Not only because of the cutting. Living was killing him. Being present was wearing him down and taking his ability to breath away. He needed to fade out, to become the scenery. If he could do that, then maybe he could make it through this. he didnt want to die, not as much as he told himself he did. He just wanted to be happy again, to live.

Drake cut himself again, riding the sharp sting of the seperating flesh.

_**"...nevermind the scenery it's only bleeding..."**_

~.~.~.~.~.

**A/N**: Holy stars, this chapter turned out much longer, and deeper then I had meant it to. Ten pages.. and a really quick update, i couldnt stop working on it. I want to make it clear that I do not condone rape, of any kind. Not matter how it happens, it is a violent, and horrible experince. No matter what kind of person commits the act, boy or girl, makes no difference, its still wrong and the victim suffers all the same. The bit between Audrey and Drake was really strong for me, even if it seems short and underdone. Ive been in that small exchange of words, and its stronger then it may seem. advice and comments are welcome for this chapter, if nothing else, they'll help me outline the rest of the story, because it spun away from the original intent rather quickly.


	10. Paper

Drake was sitting on the couch when josh walked into the room. He didnt move as the door opened, barly breathed as Josh walked over to him. He was trying to be a part of the couch, to stop existing as much as possible.

"Drake?" Josh asked, seeing the bruises. Singular, silent tears fell slowly from Drake's distant eyes. Josh sat down next to his brother, staring at him. Whatever had been happening with Drake had gone on long enough. "Drake?" He tried again.

Hesitantly, Drake turned his eyes toward Josh. He let the words he wanted to say fade away as he simply stared. He was waiting for the anger that he knew was boiling inside of Josh. Josh had always been his closest friend, the one person he could trust no matter what. Now he couldnt say a word.

"Drake, what happened tonight?" josh asked softly. It didnt matter that he was upset, because anger wasnt going to get through to Drake. Not when he seemed so broken down.

"Got in a fight." drake said absently. "Got beaten up..." he corrected himself. he hadnt done much to fight back, it hadnt really been a fight.

"Why did you go to a party after school?" It hurt to see Drake so empty.

"Had to." Drake whispered. "Had to go, had to drink... Had to..." He stopped talking, turning his face away from Josh. "Please," He begged. "Just go away."

"Drake," Josh reached out to take Drake's hand, only to have his own slapped away. Josh watched as Drake's gaze hardend, as he became tence.

"Just go." drake's voice was soft, but his words were hard. He didnt want to talk about any of it right now, not when the memories were still so strong. Josh had spent the last few days ignoring him, now Drake didnt want him around.

Josh stood up, hiding how hurt he was and slowly moved toward their bedroom door. He wanted Drake to stop him, to tell him what was going on. Drake didnt even look at him as he left the room, leaning against the closed door he let angry tears fall down his face.

Drake spent the rest of the night curled up on the couch. He didnt want to move, didnt want to feel the bruises on his body pulse. He closed his eyes, begging for empty sleep. At least this wish was granted.

That morning Drake skipped breakfest as he hurried to catch Josh before he left. He had overslept, and his entire body was sore. He climbed into the car, his backpack hiding the blood that had soaked through his dark sleeves. He felt ashamed of the cuts he'd made after waking up, but they were the only thing that brought him peace.

More then once Josh opened his mouth to talk, but everytime he stopped himself before the words came out. Drake didnt want to talk and he knew it. He was still angry at him, for the lies, for the way he'd been acting, but the hurt he'd seen in Drake's eyes last night had eaten away at that anger. Josh knew that Drake needed someone to talk to, but he didnt know how to get through to him.

They parted ways at the school, Josh joining Craig and Erik to discuss the previous nights homework, and Drake hesitantly approaching Cody, lunch money in hand. he didnt want to talk to them today, just give them the money and hop that they wouldnt talk about last night. What had happened... Drake could still feel the bartleby sisters bodies against his. The memory made him sick.

He shoved the money into Cody's hands and turned to walk away, stopped by Cody's voice.

"Where you going parker?"

Drake exhaled, turning around slowly. He didnt look at Cody, he didnt want him to see the tears in his eyes. "Class." He whispered loudly.

Cody smiled, stepping toward Drake. "The girls were pretty happy with last night." Cody said as if nothing had happened. "They want to get together again sometime."

Drake shook his head, clenching his fists. "No."

"No?" Cody snickered. "You dont tell me whats going to happen. I tell you and you listen." The smile had faded from Codys face. "If I tell you to jump, you get as far from the ground as possible. And if I want you to make those freaks happy, then you try your best, got it?"

"Not again." Drake said, glaring at Cody with determined eyes. He didnt want that to happen again, wouldnt let it happen. He didnt care how hard they hit him, he wouldnt be rapeed again.

Without caring who might see, Cody hit Drake, sending him back hard against the lockers. A few of the students in the hallway turned toward them, curious to see what was going on. In that moment Cody hesitated, his mind raceing as he tried to think of what to do. Drake smiled at Cody, loving that brief moment of power as he watched Cody struggle.

Drake flinched as Cody reached out toward him, pulling him forward as if trying to help him regain balance. "careful dude." He said cooly as he feigned worry. "You okay?"

Drake pulled away from cody, not saying a word to him as he pushed past the kids in the hall. He wasnt going to play along to make Cody look better. Despite the pain in his face, he smiled. For just a moment cody had been at the bottom. it felt good to feel like he had the power, even if it had only lasted a few secounds.

The rest of the day passed as they normally did. Drake spent his lunch period at Cody's table, watching the others as they ate. It was more out of habit now, he'd realized recently that he wasnt hungry nearly as much anymore. They told him he was fat, and he was all ready loosing weight.

On his way to english class he passed the bartleby sisters in the hall. He tried to avoid them, but once they saw him they smiled widely and stood side by side, blocking his way. He hated the smiles on their twisted faces. _Twenty five cents..._ Drake shuddered, slowing his pace and burrying his face in his locker. He counted the seconds until they were gone, exhaling deeply as he pushed his locker shut. The bell echoed in the hall, alerting him that he was late for class.

Drake muttered under his breath and ran to class. He knew that he was going to hear about this, but he hoped that she wouldnt keep him after again.

Ms. Hayfer was glaring at him, her lips twisted into a smile as he burst through the door. "You're late."

"I know." Drake exhaled the words, sliding into his seat.

Ms. Hayfer turned away from Drake, addressing the class. "I'm assighning you all a paper to write tonight. Youre all to take a school relevent scenario or subject and write a three page paper discussing the pros and cons, its effects on the students and ways to improve, or resolve it. It's due back at the beginning of class tomorrow."

Drake spent the rest of class thinking about his paper. He didnt know a lot of things, but he felt like this paper was meant for him. he knew exactly what he was going to write it on. and hopefully it would be good enough to keep him out of remedial english.

~.~.~.~.~.

**A/N:** This chapter is really short, and it sucks, but I've been so distracted with other things that I felt bad for not getting anything posted over the last few days.


	11. Revelations

Drake stared down at the empty page of his notebook, beating his pen against the side of his head as he tried to focus his thoughts. This paper was more then just his last chance at getting out of remedial english, it was his only was of reaching out. He wasnt allowed to say anything, and after all of this time, he doubted that he had the strength. But if he could just put those memories into words, if he could do this one thing right, then maybe there was hope.

Hope seemed like such a foreign word to Drake. After countless beatings, rape, and all of the words they'd made him belive he had trouble putting any faith in the word. thats all it was to him now, a word.

He brought the pen down, pressing it against the paper as he started to write. First it was just words: _Weak, powerless, pathetic, useless_. All things that he had come to believe about himself because Cody and his friends had told him so many times that he was. He tried to deny them, but now he believed them. Over the last few weeks, he had become those words. Maybe, he always had been. He'd lied to everyone else over the years with ease, so perhaps he'd been lying to himself all of his life.

Drake bit his lip, knowing that if he wrote this paper and Cody found out about it he'd be in for a beating to rival all of the others. He could write about anything, but this was all he knew. He didnt want to go to remedial english, couldnt sit between the bartlby sisters day after day. He pushed the memories of them away, trying to clear his mind.

He looked over at the dictionary and thesourus he'd taken from Josh's drawer, resting his hand over the thick books. He'd need big, impressive words and he hoped that Josh wouldn't mind. He flipped through both books multiple times before taking his pen back into his hand and beginning.

_Bullying by definition is the use of strength or influence to intimidate an indevidual into doing what someone wants them to. Forms of bullying include verbal harasment, physical abuse and the threat of abuse. Most commonly found in schools, the victims are often individuals with different beliefs or ancestry then the bully's themselves. _

_ Verbal harrasment consists of name calling and telling the victim that they are worthless. The bully, in his attempt to gain power over the victim will tell him that he's worthless, and that others dont care about him. with time, these words become true to the victim, causing him to doubt himself and become unsure about any chance of help from those closest to him. As the victim begins to believe the words of his opresser, he becomes more suseptical to harsher forms of abuse and torment. _

_ The bully may also use physical abuse to intimidate and overpower his victim. It can start with somthing as small as cornering the victim when he is alone, stealing his lunch money, and shoving him around, and esculate to full force as the bully becomes more confident. Hitting, kicking, and other uses of phisical force are all used to gain power over the victim. The bully will use these acts of violence, and the threat of future acts to make the victim do whatever he wants. He may tell his victim to lie to his family and friends about where the bruises came from, and out of fear and shame, the victim will comply. _

_ The cons of bullying are the effects it leaves on the victim. Alone and hurt, the victim may turn to self distructive behaivior, such as cutting himself. Out of fear and same for what is happening, the victim will close himself off from the people closest to him and blame himself for what is happening. He'll find himself lieing all of the time to hide the bullys actions against him, hurting not only himself, but his family and friends as well. Stress induced weight loss and sickness follow, as wel as depression. If left too long, the victim may turn to more udrastic forms of coping, such as drug abuse or suicide. _

_ The pros of bullying exist only for the bully himself. He will feel enpowered and confident as the violence esculates. Soon, he wont care where he is, he'll attack the victim in any way he pleases freely. Assulting him both physically and mentally until the victim is entirely broken down and obediante to his will. _

_ Even the most insegnificant form of bullying has a negative impact on the victim. It will lower his self esteem, cause him to shut himself off and lie to hide the truth. The bully may threaten to hurt the victims friends and family if he tells anyone, leaving the victim powerless. _

Drake stopped writing to whip the tears from his eyes. The more he tried to focus, the more his paper seemed to just be about himself. He knew that he was the reason he was writing this paper, but he was afraid of how easily the words were coming to him. What if they had to share their papers? What if everyone suspected what was going on? If Cody found out about his paper there was no telling what he might do.

Drake put his pen down and reached for the razor he'd hidden in the cutions of the couch. Just one moore cut, to help him clear his mind. He was holding it against his skin when the door opened.

He barely grazed the skin as he tried to hide the razor, looking up with wide eyes to see who had come in. It was Meghan.

"Hey boob." She said, letting herself into the room.

"What do you want?" Drake asked harshly as he pulled his sleeve over the cut.

Meghan eyes him suspiciously as she approached the couch, taking his notebook before he had time to grab it. "Whats this?" She asked, reading over the first few lines as Drake twisted himself around and tried to grab it from her.

"My homework, give it back!" He didnt want Meghan to read it, she was smart, and if anyone would see through it it would be her.

"There are way too many big words for this to be yours." She said jokingly, trying to keep reading as Drake tried to take it from her.

"Im learning this year." Drake grunted, reaching out and finally snatching the notebook from her.

Meghan looked at Drake, wanting to read the paper he was trying so hard to keep from her. "Dinners ready." she said matterofactly, walking toward the door.

"I'll be down in a minute." Drake replied as he shoved his notebook into his backpack.

He waited until Meghan was gone to pick up the razor from its place on the floor. That had been too close. He slid it back into the couch, making sure it was hidden before heading downstairs.

Drake avoided the frequent glances from meghan as she watched him. He felt uncomfortable with her watching him. He didnt eat much as he listened to everyone talk about their days, he was envious of how easy it was for all of them. He had come to define stress so much differently then the rest of them. He'd give everything he had for their problems. Drake excussed himself from his half eaten dinner, stopping at the stairs as Audrey called after him.

"Drake, you barly touched your dinner."

"I had a big lunch." he lied, offering her a tired smile.

"Clear you plate from the table, please." She said, turning back to her own meal.

Drake reached acorss the table to pick up his plate, his sleeve lifting slightly as his arm streached.

"Where'd you get that cut?" Meghan asked, seeing the smeared blood from the cut he'd been about to make when she'd walked in on him.

Drake frooze, feeling his heartbeat against his chest as he tried to think of something to say. "My notebook." he said softly as he grabbed the plate and moved toward the kitchen. "Snagged the wire on my arm when I was putting it away." He lied, pulling his sleeve down.

"Make sure you wash it, so it doesnt get infected." Audrey said, looking at him with caring eyes.

Drake nodded his head, swallowing the remainder of the lie as he headed toward his room. That had been too close. He chastised himself for not being more careful as he shut his bedroom door behind him. Drake pulled his notebook out and sat at the computer, unsure of how he was going to strech what he'd written to take up three pages.

Meghan waited until she was sure that Drake was asleep to creep into the room. Drake was hiding something, and she was determined to find out what it was. For the last few weeks she'd been enjoying watching him get into trouble, enough so that she hadnt bothered to mess with him. She'd been trying to put together what was causing these changes in him, but had thus far found nothing.

But there had been something in the way the words of his paper had come together, the desperate way he'd tried to take it from her. Drake wasnt a fighter, and he was comeing home hurt all of the time. He could do some really stupid things, but drinking wasnt one of them.

As quietly as possible, meghan approached the desk and turned on the monitor, checking to make sure that the light wasnt disturbing Drake. she sat down at the desk, and read over his paper. It really was too well written to be Drake's she thought as the wods sank into her mind. If Drake was willing to work this hard, then there was more to it then just an assignment.

Meghan turned around in the chair, looking at her sleeping brother. If anyone was hurting him, then she would make them hurt. If he was really feeling the way that this paper said the victims might, then she couldnt allow this to go any further. She didnt know how, but she would get to the bottom of this.

She turned off the monitor and tip toed back to the door, stoping as the hallway light fell over Drake. "I'm going to help you." She promised quietly, shaking away the tear that had made its way from her eye. "I love you." She whispered so quietly she could barly hear herself.

Drake woke up earlier then normal that morning, checking his paper, his shaking hand hovering over the mouse. He didnt know if he wanted to turn it in, to risk what little safty he felt he had. He knew that the paper almost screamed _help, _that if Cody found out he'd be furious. If Ms. hayfer cared to take notice, she might tell his parents, or worse, confront him. If that happened, he didnt know what he would do. He was terrified of what turning in his homework could mean for him.

Drake hit print, waiting as the pages slowly came out. No matter the risk, he had to avoid remedial english. he had to do something. Life, as it was was killing him and he couldnt take it anymore. He was running out of empty space on his wrists, out of spare blood to bleed.

He hadnt realized just how long he'd been staring at the computer, trying to decide what to do. Josh would be leaving soon and he needed a ride to school. Drake grabbed the papers and headed down the stairs, grabbing a bagle from the kitchen before heading out to the car. Josh was all ready inside, waiting for him.

"Did you do your paper?" he asked, pulling out of the driveway.

"Yeah." Drake said in between bites. "You?"

Josh looked over at him, giving drake his best_ of course _smile. "I always do my homework." Josh laughed softly. It felt good to be having a conversation with Drake again, even if the words were short. "I have to go to work right after school tonight, so I cant give you a ride."

Drake stopped eating, the remaining bites of the bagel crumbling in his hand. "How am I supossed to get home?" He asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

Josh was shocked by the complete change in Drake's attitude. "I don''t know," he answered. "Can't you get a ride from someone else, its not a long walk." he said, throwing out suggestions.

"No." Drake snapped. His friends thought he'd turned his back on them, and walking was out of the question. "You're suppossed to take me home."

"I'm sorry," Josh grunted, annoyed. "I'm not your personal chuffer, I've got things to do too."

Drake scoffed, staring out the window. "You've got the car all the time." he said softly, though his words were sharp.

"I have a job." Josh retorted. "I pay for the gas. And its not like I'm going anywhere fun, since you got us grounded the only places I've been able to go are work and school."

"I've been grounded too." Drake said.

"Yeah," Josh exhaled. "And you still manage to go out to parties and have a good time." he said harshly.

Drake's back stiffened as he bacame instantly tense. 'Shows what you know." He said sharply.

"Whats that suppossed to mean?" josh demanded.

drake shook his head, biting his lip to keep the words in. "nothing." he muttered.

Josh shook his head, staring at the road and focusing on where he was going to avoid the angry words building inside of him. He'd been so happy a few moments ago, and now all he could feel was contemt. He jerked the car into a parking space, slamming the door as he got out. "See you tonight." he muttered, walking away angrily.

Drake stared at Josh as he walked away, clenching his fist as the hurt and anger coursed through him. It was so easy for Josh to get angry and walk off when he had nothing to worry about. There werent monsters waiting for him in the dark, or the empty sidewalks for that matter.

If Josh knew what he was dooming Drake to, he wouldnt be angry. He would tell work to wait just a little longer for him to arrive. Drake ran his hands through his hair, supressing the scream burning in his lungs. If he wasnt such a coward, he would tell Josh why he needed a ride.

Drake stormed toward his locker, opening its hinged door so forcefully he thought he might break it. _Good_, he thought, staring at the books piled messily within it._ I want to break something... _

He wasnt suprised to see Cody and Paul walk toward him, Cody's hand held out expectantly to collect todays bribe money. Drake shoved his hand into his pocket, freezing as he realized he'd forgotten to grab his lunch money in his rush to get to the car.

"I forgot it." he said in quiet shocck.

"What?" Cody did not look amused.

"I said I forgot it." Drake snapped, slamming his locker shut.

"You've got quite the attitude today Parker." Cody hissed.

Drake was out of patience, out of care as he stared Cody in the eyes. He knew that Cody was all ready upset, now, he wanted to give him an actual reason to be. Without thought, he balled is fist and threw it, hitting Cody across the face. His moment of anger shattered as he saw the glowing rage in cody's eyes, the red on his cheek where he'd hit him.

"you're gonna regret that parker." cody growled, grabbing the collar of Drake's shirt and shoving him against his locker.

"Fight! " A girl in the hal;lway shouted excitedly, alerting the other students into an excited audience.

The panic set in, overpowering his anger and leaving Drake shaking. The look in Cody's eyes alone could have left him bruised and bleeding. Drake felt himself jerked forward, his neck cracking as he was violently thrust back against is locker. The hit sent a violent wave of sharp pain through his body, bringing tears to his eyes.

Aware of the unwanted attenton, cody released his grip on Drake and stepped back, his eyes sharp. He ignored the looks on the students faces as he pushed through them.

Drake didnt look at the sea of faces staring at him. He shoved his way through them, his body taking him to class as his mind raced. What the hell had he been thinking? There was no way Cody was going to let him get away with that! He walked into his forst class, sitting in his seat as his mind told him to run. Run home, run far away, anything to keep Cody away from him.

When lunch came Drake didnt go to the caffeteria. He was terrified of what might happen to him if he did, so he hid in the bathroom. He picked at the scabs on his wrist, gritting his teeth in an attempt to keep from crying. He didnt want to leave the stall when the bell rang, didnt want to exist. All he could think about was what would surly be waiting for him when school let out.

The rest of the day passed too quickly for Drake's liking, leading to the dreaded moment when he entered his english class. Single file, the students handed in their papers, the line dissapearing until Drake stood before ms. Hayfer's desk. He hadnt pulled his paper out from its safe place within his folder, and given the events of the day, he didnt know if he wanted to turn it in.

"Drake?" Ms. Hayfer's voice shattered his thoughts, bringing him back into reality. "Did you do your homework?"

Drake starred at her as if he'd never seen her before, absently grabiing the papers and dropping them on her desk before hesitantly heading toward his desk. He didnt look at Josh, or Cody as he sat down, biting his lip until he tasted blood.

He was thankful when they were given a test to complete by the end on class. No one would know about his paper, about his secret. Moments before the final bell rang they passed their tests forward to Ms. Hayfer's waiting hands, she collected them, stacking them neatly before turning toward Drake. "Drake, I want to see you after class." She said sharply.

Drake nodded his head. This day couldnt get any worse he told himself. He waited until everyone else had left the classroom before approaching her desk, his eyes never leaving the floor.

"Drake, did you write this paper?" She asked, holding up his paper. "Or did you have someone else write it for you?"

"I wrote it." He replied softly. "I dont want to go to remidal english..."

Ms. Hayfer looked down at the paper, taking a moment to think before speaking. "It's very good Drake, if you out half of this much effort into all of your work youd be passing my class."

Drake didnt know what to say. She'd never complemented him before. "Thanks." he said, voice almost a whisper.

"Drake," She said softly. "I've noticed a distinct change in your behavior this year." She hesitated, unsure of what she wanted to say next. "Is everything all right at home?"

Drake looked up at her, confused. "yes..."

She nodded, resting her hands over his paper. "And at school?"

"What do you mean?" Drake asked, taking a step back.

"The view point in your paper changes very often Drake, it becomes very personal. Are yu having problems with another student here at school?"

drake could feel the sweat beading on his neck as he tried to think of what to say. "Everythings fine." he lied.

Ms. Hayfer stared at him, her gaze intent on breaking the lie. "I know that I'm hard on you," She stressed, she hated Drake, but she had duties as a teacher. "But you can come to me if theres a problem."

"Theres no problem." Drake said sharply, looking at the clock. "Can I go now?"

Ms. Hayfer took a deep breath before nodding her head. She had a few decissions to make, and she needed time to think them out.

drake rushed out of the classroom, feeling claustriphobic. He needed to get out of there, out of the school. He grabbed his things from his locker and ran toward the doors, needing air. He had to get home, he needed his razor...

He pushed through Craig and Erik, ignoring their words as he continued forward. If he was quick, maybe he could make it.

Drake didnt get very far before he felt an iron grip on his arm. He felt himself turned around, staring into Cody's hardened eyes.

"Let go." Drake begged, his legs shaking as the panic returned.

"You're coming with us Parker." Cody snarled, pulling Drke toward his car.

"No," Drake almost shouted, trying to hold his ground. he didnt want this.

"I didnt say you had a choice." Cody said, pulling him forward with enough force that Drake almost tripped over his feet.

Before he could try to run, or attempt to call out for help he was pushed into the back of the car, Paul's hands dragging him forward. efore he knew it he was trapped between Cody and Paul, and there was no one to help him. he didnt try to hide the silent tears burning in his eyes as the car sped off.

"You made some big mistakes today Parker." Cody said, his voive taunting. "You didnt pay us, didnt show up to lunch, you even had the nerve to hit me and cause a scene in the hallway."

"I'm sorry." Drake said desperatly, and to his shame, he truly was.

Cody laughed, the horrid sound quickly joined by the snikers of the others. "Sorry doesnt change any of it, and if you arnt taught a lesson, then you might try it again. You're going to regret doing it at all." Cody added, grabbing Drake's wrist and twisting it.

Drake yelped as the cuts were torn open. He tried to pull his writs away from Cody, only to have Cody's grip tighten. He felt sick as Cody noticed the blood seeping through his shirt and smiled. There was cruel intent in that twist of the lips, and pure hatred glowing in his eyes. Drake shivered, closing his eyes so he wouldnt have to look at Cody.

If he'd only told Josh, then this wouldnt be happening. But he'd gotten angry, he;d been rude and now Josh was gone. He would have done anything to change the way they had parted ways that morning, to have Josh by his side helping him find a way out of this. _Josh... help... _He silently begged as the car pulled into Cody's garage.

Josh was stacking the cany when Helen walked up to him, phone in hand. She looked over the assorted candies, taking one from the top and handed him the phone. "its your mom." She said, opening the wrapper. "You know personal calls arnt allowed?"

"Yeah," Josh said, accepting the phone. "Wont happen again." he promised as he stepped away from the counter and put the phone against his ear. "hello?"

"did I get you in trouble?" Audrey's shakey voice came over the line.

"No," Josh said, looking over at Helen. She was staring at him. "Are you okay?"

There was silence over the line as Audrey hesitated. "Drake hasnt come home yet, and he's not answering his phone. Do you know where he might have went?"

Josh rolled his eyes, same odl Drake. "No, did you try calling Trevor?"

"he hasnt seeen him. He should have been home two hours ago..."

Josh shook his head. He hated the way Drake made her worry. "if i hear from him, I'll let you know." he promised, though he doubted that Drake would call him after the way they'd argued that morning.

"thank you." Adurey said, breathing heavily. She was really worried this time. "Josh," She asked, waiting to continue.

"yeah?"

"Do you know what Drake wrote his english paper about?"

"No." Josh said. "But Ms. Hayfer had him stay after class. Why?"

"Ms. Hayfer wants your dad and i to come in when he gets home from work to talk about it, she didnt say why. Can you pick Meghan up from janie's when you get out?"

"Yeah." Josh said, curious as to what the paper had been about.

"I'll let you get back to work," She said absently. "I love you."

"I love you too." josh said before hanging up the phone and handing it to Helen.

Josh waited until helen walked away to pull out his cell phone and try to call Drake. It went straight to voicemail. Annoyed, he put the phone back into his pocket and stared at the neatly stacked candies, thinking about his conversation with his mom. He was so distracted with his thoughts that he didnt even notice Craig and erik walk up to him.

"Josh?" Craig said softly, shaking him from his thoughts.

Josh looked up at them, noticing the distressed looks on their faces. "what's up?"

"Its about Drake..." Erik said, urging Craig to step forward.

"What about him?" josh asked, his voice a mix of worry and annoyance.

~.~.~.~.~.

**A/N**: A lot has happened in this chapter, much more then originally expected, but, after how bad the previous chapter was I wanted to give you guys something worth reading. So many different things going on, and a cliff hanger to top it off...

I'd like to thank** trikkster**, I used bits and pieces from your reviews and PM's to put together the preview of Drake's report. They're always so thourugh and they helped me shape part of the chapter. Thank you!

On a different note, I know my spelling of Meghan's name has bothered some people. It can be spelled that way, and thats the way a special person in my life spells her name, which is why I prefer to spell it that way.

back on track, this chapter came out pretty well I think, I hope it doesnt seem to clustered with everything thats happening, it just all seemed right when i was working on it. Comments, concerns, advice are all very welcome. We're aproaching the present and your words and such matter to me. thank you guys for baring with me this far.


	12. Are you happy?

_"...In this hole That is me  
The dead are rolling over  
In this hole Thickening  
Dirt shoveled over shoulders..."_

Drake didnt want to get out of the car. He could feel his heart beating against his chest so loudly in his ears that he was sure Cody and the others could hear it too. The sweat was crawling down his back, making him shift uncomforably in the seat. There was no one here to help him, and now more then ever, he felt like he needed help. Cody was furious, and he'd never had a problem lettting that anger out on Drake before. He didnt want to know what Cody had planned for him now, after what had happened today.

"C'mon." Cody grunted, tapping his foot against the concrete.

Drake shook his head, afraid that if he tried to speak he would start to cry. he felt so weak as he stared up at his captors._ I am weak_... He thought to himself.

"get out of the damn car!" Cody shouted, grinning as Drake jumped at the sudden strength of his voice.

Drake didnt move. He wasnt sure if it was the fear that kept him still, or the need to try and protect himself from what he knew was comeing. he was frozen in that spot, in time, and it was the only way he felt safe.

Annoyed, Cody reached into the car, grabbing for Drake's arm. Drake pushed himself back against the oppisite door, the sudden movement blurring his vision. He didnt want to get out of the car. Paul opened the door that Drake was leaning against, almost causing him to fall out. Trapped, Drake felt the screams burning in his throat. He pulled away From paul's ever reaching hands, backs right into Cody's grasp.

Cody wrapped one hand around Drake's throat and tangled the other in his hair, pulling him out of the safty of the car. Drake choked on the cries that were trapped in his throat, coughing violently as he tried to breath. He tried to pull away from Cody, only to have the grasp on his throat tighten. A brief wave of darkness passed over his eyes as he fought to breath.

Cody threw him toward Mike's arms, laughing as Drake stumbled and fell onto the ground. He circled around Drake, kicking him in the abdomen as he tried to breath. They stood towering around him, watching with twisted smiles as he coughed, tears falling onto the concrete.

_they're going to kill me_... Drake thought as felt the air making its way back into his lungs. His hands trembled, traces of blood smearing on the concrete from where had had scraped them as he fell. He didnt want to die, not like this.

Cody nodded, and Drake felt himself benf lifted by his arms by Andrew and Mike. they marched him into the house, through the rooms he'd seen before and into the living room. He hated that room, everything that had happened there. The boys forced him to remain standing as cody stood before him, cracking his knuckles loudly as he cleared his throat.

"You hit me today." his smile dissapered as he remember the hit. It had hurt, and he didnt like to feel pain. Not his own anyway.

Drake wanted to tell him that he deserved it, but he couldnt find the strength to say the words. "I'm sorry." he whispered, pulling against the hands holding him.

Cody put his full force behind the hit that followed Drake's words. Drake felt his face explode in a flash of pain and darkness. He could taste the all to familier copper of his own blood in his mouth. he didnt look at Cody as the tears built in his eyes, he didnt want them to see him cry again.

"Did that little stunt in the hallway make you happy parker?" Cody sneered, whiping the blood from drake's lip on his pants. "did it make you feel strong?"

Drake shook his head. He felt powerless, weak. "I'm weak..." he whispered the words Cody had said to him so many times before. Words he had come to belive fully.

Cody hit him again, making his head spin. "Thats not what I asked you."

drake shook his head, feeling nauses. "It didnt make me happy." he sobbed, hating how fragile he felt. He despised himself, the way he'd apologized so quickly. even more, he hated that he believed himself when he'd apologized. That brief moment of power hadnt made him happy, expecially now.

"You're going to regret everything you did today." Cody promised before punching Drake in the stomach.

"I all ready do." Drake whispered as he struggled to keep breathing. The things he'd done in the hallway, turning in that paper. The way he'd lied when Ms. hayfer of all people tried to reach out to him. But most of all, he regretted the argument he'd had with josh. The way that he had snapped at him when he had been right there, ready to listen.

_"...I feel it in me So overwhelmed  
Oh, this pressured center rising  
My life overturned Unfair the despair  
All these scars keep ripping open..."_

The ringing of his cell phone shattered the reality of what was happening. drake turned his tired eyes toward his pocket, wanting nothing more then to be able to answer his phone and beg for help. Paul pulled the phone out, laughing as he tossed it to Cody.

"Its your mommy." Paul snikered.

Drake stared at the phone in cody's hands helplessly, biting back the comeing sobs. She was worried, he knew that. She only called when she was worried about where he was when he didnt come home. Cody pressed ignore and threw the phone on the couch. Drake hung his head in defeat. No one knew where he was, and now, she would be angry with him again.

"You should feel ashamed of yourself." cody chuckled. "Always making her worry about you. Only a terrible son would do that to his mother, it must make her hate you."

Drake shook his head, trying to deny Cody's words. He'd thought those things in passing, but he refused to belive them. "She doesnt hate me."

"Sure she does." Cody stared Drake in the eye, grinning. "She probably wishes that she never had you, at least then she wouldnt have to worry. What lies do you tell her when you come home drunk and bruised?"

"I, I tell her that I get into fights." Drake said, feeling those old lies thick in his mouth.

"How many times have you lied to her, treated her like she didnt matter?" cody grabbed Drake's wrist, moving his sleeve to expose the cuts. "It would break her heart to know that your doing this. If she knew that she was washing away your blood every time that she did the laundry."

Drake felt the tears stronger now. He was a liar, and he'd made his mom suffer with every word he said. He hurt her, hurt everyone with the lies that Cody made him tell. No, the lies he'd choosen over truth, to save himself from embarrasment.

"Im sorry.." he whispered, not to Cody, but to his mother. To all of the people he'd hurt over the last few weeks.

Cody grasped Drake's chin, forcing him to look at him. "Sorry doesnt fix anything. You're a worthless lier. A helpless, weak loser." He smiled, seeing the hurt in drake's eyes. "Your a piece of shit parker, and you'll never amount to anything."

Drake closed his eyes, feeling the warm tears fall over his cheeks as he nodded. Cody was right, he'd always been right. "I know..." He said so softly that it was barly audible.

"You know what?" Cody smirked.

Drake exhaled, the breath shaky and shallow. "I'm a worthless liar. I'm useless, I ruin everything. I, hurt everyone..."

"No one cares about you, because you treat them like dirt. you use everyone." Cody took his hand away from Drake's chin, watching as his head fell against his chest. "They will never forgive you."

_"...Peel me from the skin Tear me from myself  
Are you feeling happy now?..."_

Drake's body shook with the sobs he was trying to hold back. He let Cody's words echo in his mind, allowed them to sink in and drown any doubt he had about them. It was easier to accept them, to know that they were true. At least then he would suffer less.

Cody nodded toward Andrew and Mike, and they released Drake's arms, letting him crumble onto the floor. Drake sat on his knees, body arched as he leaned forward on his arms, covering his face with trembling hands to hide the tears. He didnt want them to see how weak he was, even though they all ready knew.

Audrey and Walter stood in front of Ms. hayfer's desk, waiting for the english teacher to tell them why she had called them here. Audrey was too worried about where her son was to care about his homework.

"Mr. and Ms. Nichols?" Ms. hayfer asked, looking them over. They looked like good people, she could see where Josh got his better traits and qualities.

"Yes?" Walter replied. he didnt like the way the teacher was looking at them.

"I called you here to talk about drake." She said his name carefully. Despite her concern, she still hated him.

"What about Drake?" Audrey asked, her concern not hidden. She loked down at her phone, checking again to see if he'd called her back.

Ms. hayfer stood up from her seat, holding her hands behind her back as she considered her words. "I've noticed quite a few changes in him thins year, and they have me concerned."

"I thought you wanted to talk about his homework?" Walter cut in.

Ms. Hayfer shot him a dissaproving glance before turning toward Audrey. "Like I was saying, Ive been noticing some concerning changes in his behavior, and, his work."

"He's been different at home too." Audrey said softly.

Ms. Hayfer nodded, picking up Drake's paper from her desk. "Drake's school work has always been poor, and this year its been worse then ever." She said harshly. "But, this paper was so well written that I was sure someone else had written it for him."

"So you called us here because you think he has someone else doing his homework?" Audrey said sharply. Drake may do a lot of selfish, and even ignorant things, but he didnt cheat.

"No," Ms. Hayfer retorted. She was so used to being able to finish her words that dealing with them was annoying her. "I called you here because of the subject matter of his paper. Drake has all ready assured me that he wrote it, and, I believe him." She handed the paper to Audrey, having all ready given up on dealing with Walter.

"It's about bullying in schools, and, after reading it a few times, I've noticed that most of the paper is very personal. There is a lot of feeling, perspective that I never see in Drake's work. On his first day back after summer break, he had a bruise on his face, and since then I've noticed another, and a split lip. You look like good people, so im sure your not doing these things to him."

"We would never." Walter interupted.

Audrey stopped listening to the chatter as she read over Drake's paper, feeling her heart ache as she read all of the words he'd so carefully written. So much of it matched the changes that had overtaken her son over the last few weeks.

_...the victim will close himself off from the people closest to him and blame himself for what is happening. He'll find himself lieing all of the time to hide the bullys actions against him, hurting not only himself, but his family..._

Drake had been lieing, not the well spoken lies he used to tell, but shakey, trembaling words. He came home after dissapearing with bruises on his body and alcohol on his breath. Audrey shook her head, handing the paper to walter. She was upset with herself, how had she not seen that somthing was going on? How could she not have even suspected?

"There was also this." Ms. Hafyer said, pulling out Drake's test from earlier that day. She handed it to Audrey, pointing to the faded red smuges on the page. "It looks, to me at least, like dried blood."

"Blood?" Walter echoed the word, alarmed.

"I suspect, that he has resorted to hurting himself, to deal with whatever is happening. He's been wearing long sleeves all year." Ms. Hayfer pointed out. It bothered her that as his parents, they were so oblivious. If it had been her daughter, she was sure that she would know.

"What do we do?" er voice shook as she spoke.

Ms. Hayfer sighed heavily before giving Audrey the most comforting look she could summon. "talk to Drake. He needs to open up about what is happening, to tell you who is doing this to him, otherwise, theres no way to stop it."

Audrey nodded, taking Ms. Hayfer's hands into her own and holding them tightly. "Thank you." She whispered as tears fell over her cheeks.

"It's my job, as a teacher." Ms. Hayfer replied. She held back her contempt for Drake, her annoyance at his parents ignorance. When she looked into Audrey's thankful, hurting eyes, she saw a good parent. A woman who believed the things her son told her, but still accepted the truth.

Audrey and Walter expressed their thanks, all the while cursing themselves for not seeing the truth. They felt blind, stupid, and all they wanted to do was fix the damage that tey had aided in by not trying. They rushed to the car, hoping that Drake would be there when they got home.

_"...In this hole That is me  
A life that's growing feeble  
In this hole So limiting  
The sun has set; all darkens..."_

They didnt leave him alone for long. Those blissful minutes of solitude seemed to last for days as Drake hid is face in his hands. Cody's words, his own beliefs, echoed through his mind, tearing away at him. Drake could only hope that they were done with him, that soon he'd be allowed to go home.

Without warning or cause, andrew kicked him, his foot connecting hard with drake's ribcage. Drake fell flat onto the floor, squeezing his eyes shut against the pain. Mike and Paul followed suit, each kicking him as hard as they could. There were no objections from Cody.

It took everything Drake had not to cry out, to beg them to stop. When he begged, they were always meaner. They wanted to hear him plead, and he didnt want to give them that, not when they had taken so much from him.

Cody stepped forward after the symphnony of kicks was over with, kneeling down before Drake and tangling his fingers in his hair. Drake closed his eyes as Cody forced his face forward, not wanting to look at the ringmaster of this hurtfull act.

"Open your eyes." Cody's voice sailed through Drake's ears, but he refused to obey.

Cody used his free hand to slap Drake hard across the face, forcing his wide, terrified eyes open. "There;s still some fight in you." Cody mused, looking down at Drake. "We need to fix that."

"Please," Drake whispered, ashamed at the tears that were still falling over his face. "Enough, I've learned my lesson."

Cody laughed, a cruel, mercilous cackle that esounded too loud. "so you think you've had enough? Ha! I make the decisions, I say when its been enough Parker. Not you!" Cody's grin twisted into a humorless scowl as he stared down at Drake, contemplating. "It will never be enough. No amount of suffering would make up for the people you've hurt, the hate I have..."

Cody turned toward the others, looking each of them in the eye before letting Drake's head fall against the floor. "Show him what suffering is." He said coldly.

It was all Drake could do not to scream out as the hits landed against his body. They came from every direction, so fast he couldnt keep track of them as they connected, as he curled inwards to try and shield himself from them. He didnt try to count each explosion of pain, he didnt want to know.

The only thing he could do was retreat into the darkness of his mind. He closed his eyes and focused on every breath, making sure that he was still alive. Drake fell into that darkness, let it wrap around him and numb him to the endless assult of pain that was trying to take over. He thought about the time before all of this had started, about Josh. His rock, his only true friend. If he could remember Josh, all of the good times they'd shared, then he could endure this until the end.

Josh had saved him more times, and in more ways then he would ever truly know. No matter what he'd done in the past, what kind of trouble they'd gotten into, Josh had always been there. Guiding him even when he didnt want it, saving him when he'd refused to acknowledge the dangers. Josh meant everything to him, and he was determined to make sure that Josh knew it.

"Stop." Cody's voice boomed loudly, and everyone went still.

He stared down at the trembling, bruised form on the floor and laughed. "Your so pathetic." He said. "So weak. Only a coward would curl up like that."

"Im a coward." Drake whispered, tasting blood in every word.

"Stop sheilding yourself, coward." Cody demanded.

Drake shook his head weakly. It was the only shred of deffiance left in him.

Cody dissapeared into the kitchen, returning with the dull roll of duct tape and threw it to paul. "Bind his hands."

Paul looked at the tape, then Drake, trying to decide what to do.

"Do it." Cody yelled, annoyed at the hesitance Paul was showing.

"Isnt that going a little far?" Andrew asked, voicing paul's concern. It was all fun when the kid had a way to defend himself.

"Cowards." Cody grunted, taking the tape from paul and falling to his knees beside Drake. He grabbed Drake's wrists, not caring about the bleeding cuts as he pulled them back. He made sure that Drake's sleeves were pushed up, that the tape was directly against the cuts as he wrapped it around them.

As soon as Drake realised what was happening he went wild. He pulled away from Cody, trying desperatly to pull his wrists free from the tape around them. He could feel the scabs pulling, the skin burning as it tore and bleed. He began to scream, terrified for himself.

"Grab him!" Cody shouted, ripping another piece free.

Paul and Mike knelt down and grabbed Drake, their hands slipping as he continued to struggle and scream. Their own hands shook as they pulled him to his knees, seeing just how afraid he was. They werent having fun anymore.

Cody streached the tape over Drake's mouth, trying to stop the screaming. He took another piece, then another until the shrill screams died to muffled cries. He breathed heavily as he stared into Drakes tear filled eyes, ignoring the wordless pleading. In utter anger, he balled his fist and hit Drake across the face, sending him to the floor in a helpless heap.

Drake listened to the short lived ringing of his phone as Mike hit the ignore button, sending the room into near silence. Drake closed his eyes, begging for anyone to help him.

_"...Buried underneath  
Hands slip off the wheel  
Internal path-way to contention..."_

"Its about Drake..." Erik said, urging Craig to step forward.

"What about him?" josh asked, his voice a mix of worry and annoyance.

Craig looked toward Erik for guidence as he organized his thoughts and worked at forming them into words. He wasnt entirly sure about his accusation, and he didnt want to upset Josh. "I, I think he's in trouble." Craig said at last.

"Yeah he is." josh said under his breath. He locked eyes with Craig, seeing the honest worry and quieted his anger. "What do you mean?'

"He's been acting weird." Craig said, not knowing where to begin.

"Like a jerk." josh snapped, not meaning to let the words out.

"no," Craig said softly, "Like he's afraid. Drake's never like that. Earlier today, when we were leaving school, a guy forced him into his car. Drake tried to refuse, but he was obviously terrified of the guy. The same guy he got into a fight with in the hall today."

"Drake got into a fight?" josh asked, Craig's words sinking into his mind.

"Yeah, you didnt know?" Erik asked, confussed.

"We havent really been talking..." Josh confessed.

"A few days ago, the same guy hit Drake right infront of his locker." Crfaig said. "He pushed me too after he hit Drake. I dont think he knew that I saw what happened."

"Why didnt you say anything?" Josh asked.

"I..." Craig started. He didnt know why he'd kept it too himself until now. "I dont know, I didnt think about it at the time. You'd been telling us how mad you were at Drake, and it just slipped my mind until today when the guy made Drake leave with him."

Josh's thoughts drifted to that morning, how Drake had changed when Josh told him that he'd have to walk home. _He was trying to tell me! _Josh cursed at himself for getting upset that morning. His self anger was stifled as he started to put together the changes he'd noticed in Drake. It had all started after Drake had told him about the guys who'd waited for him on his way home.

Slowly, Josh started to put it together, his hands shaking with fear and rage as it all connected. Those guys had forced Drake to leave with them, now no one could get ahold of Drake.

"who's been harrasong him?" Josh asked, his voice a shakey whisper.

"What?" Erk asked, looking at Josh. He'd gone very pale.

"The guy, whats his name?" He needed to know where Drake was.

"Im not certain." Craig replied, feeling distressed. "Carl, Chris, something with a C."

"C-Cody!" Erik said excitedly, his grin fading as worry set in. "At least, I think his name is Cody."

Josh shook his head, trying not to get cross with them. "I've gotta go." he said as he rushed out from behind the counter, heading straight for Helen's office. She wasnt going to like him leaving, but she'd have to let him. He burst through the door, watching as her attention immediantly fell on him.

"What are you doing?"

"I, I need to go, now." Josh said. Despite his urgency, he was still afraid of her. She was his boss, and she'd always been hard on him.

"No, you've got a shift to finish." helen said, her voice sasy and eyes hard.

"But Drake,"

"What about Drake?" helen asked, finally focusing on josh's distress.

"I think he's in trouble, please." he begged.

"Well what are you waiting for?" helen barked. "Go find him, do ypou need help?"

"No." Josh shook his head, turning to leave. "Thank you."

He didnt wait for her reply. Josh ran to his car, fumbling for the right key as his hands shook. All this time, Drake had been hiding something. And now josh suspected that he knew what it had been. He felt like a monster for the way he'd acted toward Drake. He hadn't even tried to figure it out, he'd been so determined to make Drake come clean on his own this time.

Josh got into the car, not knowing where he was going, only that he had to move. He cursed as he remembered the call from Audrey. He had to pick up meghan. He turned the car around, almost speeding as he hurried toward Janie's house. _I'll pick her up, and drop her off. _He told himself. then he'd look for Drake!

Meghan senced Josh's urgency the moment she got into the car. She didnt even have her seat belt buckled before Josh was racing down the streets, heading for home. Something was wrong, she knew it.

"Josh." There was no reply. "JOSH!" She yelled, feeling the car jerk as Josh suddenly slowed down.

"What!?" Josh's voice rose into a squeel.

"What's wrong?" She asked, annoyed at his careless driving.

"There was no lying to her. "I need to get you home, I've got to find Drake."

""Whats wrong with Drake?" She asked, her own worry evident. "Did someone hurt him again?"

Josh stopped the car, looking at her with careful eyes. "He told you?"

"I read his english paper, it wasnt that hard to figure out." She said, as if the answers had been clear the entire time. "What happened to Drake?"

Josh shook his head. "We cant find him again, Craig said some guy made Drake leave with him today."

"Who?" Meghan demanded coldly.

"We arnt sure." Josh said, feeling defeated. "I'm gonna drop you off, that I'm going to look for him."

Meghan shook her head, her features hardening. "No, I'm going too."

No!" Josh yelled, instaantly afraid of her anger. "I need you home, in case he gets home while I'm gone." Josh finished, trying to calm down. "I need you to tell mom and dad whats going on, they'll listen to you."

Megahn nodded, not liking it one bit.

_"...In this hole That is me  
Left with a heart exhausted  
What's my release? What sets me free?  
Do you pull me up just to push me down again?..."_

Drake couldnt feel the hits anymore. His entire body felt numb from the constant abuse. Drake didnt know how he was remaining concious, or why he was still fighting to keep breathing. All he wanted was for all of it to end, to find even the smallest piece of peace and hold onto it with everything he had left. He knew that he deserved this, that it was his own fault that these things were happening to him. countless times he'd tried to tell them he was sorry, but they couldnt hear the words through his mufled screams.

After what felt like hours, Cody finally stopped hiting him. He knelt down next to Drake, the sweat dripping from his hair and onto the shakeing boy as he grinned, finally satisfied. "I think you've learned your lessons for today." He said hoarsly as he tried to catch his breath.

Drake nodded, stil crying. He was more then ready for this to finally be over.

"You'll come back here tomorrow, understood?"

Drake nodded. He deserved this, he was bad, he was weak.

"I think we'll have the girls over again, I'm sure they're missing you." Cody grinned, pushing himself to his feet. "Get him to the car."

Drake was lifted to his feet and marched through the quiet house. He let them push him into the back seat, let his head fall against his chest as he tried to breath. Everything hurt and he just wanted to go home. Back to the isolation of his room, the comforts of the razor hidden there.

They didnt remove the tape from his wrists and mouth until they were parked in front of the empty house. Cody pushed Drake out of the car, smiling as he stared back at them with empty eyes.

"See you tomorrow." Cody grinned before they drove away.

_"...Peel me from the skin Tear me from myself  
Are you feeling happy?..."_

Hesitantly, Drake walked up the stairs and let himself into the dark house. No one was home, and right now, he was thankful for that. He didnt want anyone to see him, couldnt bare the thought of trying to talk.

He pulled himself up the stairs, stopping in the bathroom to grab a bottle of pills from the cabinet and dropped them into his backpack. He didnt look at himself in the mirror, didnt what to see. He stumbled back down the hall, nearly falling against his bedroom door as his numb fingers struggled to open the door.

Finally, he was home, he was safe. Drake hobbled over to the window, pressing his burning face against the cold glass. There was no one in the driveway, he was alone.

He didnt want to see Cody again tomorrow, couldnt see the bartleby sisters again. twenty-five cents... Drake opened his eyes, looking through the world around him. This had gone too far, and he couldnt handle it anymore.

Drake's eyes refocused, forcing him to look at his transparent reflection in the glass. He stared into his own eyes, but he didnt know the person he was looking at anymore. He was weak, he was stupid and useless. That was all he could see in those hurt, distant eyes.

He wondered if Cody was happy with what had become of him. If he would ever be content with the suffering that had become Drake's entire life. It will never be enough.. Drake thought, remembering Cody's words.

Drake turned his eyes to his guitar case, resting peacefully against the far wall of the room. Cody had broken his guitar, had killed the music that had once been Drake's refuge from the world. More then anything, he wanted that music now.

Drake gripped the window sill, his mind setting on what he wanted to do. He'd been punished enough, had learned to hate himself the way everyone else did. He'd lost everything, everyone he'd ever cared about. he was ready for all of it to be over, to rejoin that beautiful music and find peace.

_"...Does it make you happy? Are you feeling happy? Are you fucking happy? Now that I'm lost left with nothing..."_

~.~.~.~.~

**Disclaimer: **The Lyrics to _Happy?_ Belong to Mudvayne. I still dont own Drake and Josh.

**A/N:** Longest chapter yet! Feels bad to be excited about it, since its so sad... I apologize for the wait on this chapter, alot happened while i was writing it and I couldnt focus, but its here now. Thanks to those of you still reading and reviewing, it means a lot to me.


	13. Please

It never shold have escalated this far.

Drake let his head fall against his chest, heavy eyelids hanging over his half open eyes. The tears had dried, buy he could still feel where they had streaked across his face. He could still taste them. His fingers twitched on the windowsill as he tried to calm his nerves, tried to relax. He was so tired of it all: the pain, the lies. They had built a wall around him, each memory a stone stacked so thickly he didnt think he'd be able to break free.

He'd been foolish to think he could handle this on his own, he knew that now. But it was too late. He'd pushed away anyone who could help him, everyone who cared. He'd been cruel, and he'd done nothing but lie to them. They wouldnt help him now, and he couldnt ask them to forgive him. They were angry, and he was too far gone. Josh had turned his back on him again, and that, he thought, was the hardest thing to bare.

Drake lifted his head, staring at the setting sun off in the distance. Its warmth was dying now, letting the cold embrace of night slowly creep upon the world. He felt that chill, and he knew the darkness that was coming very well.

Hesitantly, he pushed himself away from the window. Every footfall felt all too heavy as he moved toward his backpack. His body felt weighed down, and each breath felt thick. He pulled out his notebook, fighting back tears as he wrote out a note to his parents, to Josh. They deserved to know why. They needed to know that he was sorry, for the way he'd been acting, and for what he was about to do.

With trembaling fingers he pulled the bottle of pills out from their hiding place in his backpack and emptied them out into his sweating palm. He closed his eyes as he swallowed them, feeling his throat tighten as he forced them down. Drake wasnt fighting the tears anymore, he didnt have the strenth. He'd learned the hard way that he was weak. He accepted that now.

His hand was shaking worse as he pulled the razor out from the couch where he'd stored it. He watched those last glimmers of light reflect off of its smooth surface before placing the blade against the vein in his wrist. He could feel his heart beating against his chest, the burning pain tingling against his skin. As he had so many times before, he pulled the blade across his skin, though this time he pressed harder, deeper. This time, it was for real.

Drake's eyes widened as he saw the blood flowing from the fresh laceration. He'd never seen so much blood before. He shook his head, bringing forth a wave of diziness and nausea. He swallowed the bile in his throat, coughing at the burn. He tried to switch the razor to his other hand, but his hands were shaking too hard now. His fingers stumbled with the blade and he watched helplessly as it fell onto the floor.

As he tried to kneel down and pick his fallen friend up from the floor but he fell over. His heartbeat was echoing in his ears, and the blood from his wrist was still spilling out into the carpet. Drake could feel the empty touch of darkness pulling him further down, into the carpets worn in fibers. This was it, the way his story ended. He tried to laugh, but all he could manage was a weak groan.

He wasnt sure if his vision was blurring from the tears, or the loss of blood and pills he'd injested, But in his fading, distorted sight he swore he saw Josh. A distant blob of shapes and colors racing toward him, desperatly calling his name.

Drake let his eyes close, away from the light, away from the life that still clung to him. He closed his eyes, and he remembered everything that had brought him to this. All of the mercilous beatings, the harsh words and actions that had broken him down.

Josh pulled up beside the house, ready to push meghan out of the car and ;eave when he noticed that the lights were on. His parents car wasnt there, that meant that Drake.. _Drake! _Josh pulled the keys from the engine and rushed into the house, calling out Drake's name desperatly as every word he wanted to say flashed through his mind.

he didnt listen to meghan's words as he dropped his things on the floor and ran up the stairs, determined to fnd his brother. There was blood on the knob to their bedroom door, and the sight of it made Josh sick. Swallowing his fear, he opened the door and stared in shock at the beaten form of his brother lying on the floor. He saw the blood, so much of of soaking into the carpet. "Drake!"

Josh ran toward Drake, lifting his head into his lap as his tears fell onto Drake's face. "Drake, open your eyes." he begged as he tried to get Drake to wake up. "Meghan!" Josh screamed, his voice raising in pitch as the fear threatened to paralize him.

He listened as Meghan ran up the stairs, every loud footfall an echo of his racing heartbeat as he closed his hand over the cut on drake's wrist, trying to stop the bleeding.

"What's wrong?" Megahn asked, freezing as her eyes settled on her brothers.

"Call an ambulence." Josh shouted as he pulled off his work vest and wrapped it around Drake's wrist. "Now meghan!" he shouted again, the irgency clear.

Meghan didnt hesitatte as she ran from the room, tears burning in her eyes as she grabbed the phone and dialed. _Please,_ she begged as it rang. _Please dont let him die... _As soon as the woman's voice came over the line mehgan demanded an ambulence, repeating their address over and over, making the woman listen.

As soon as she was assured that the paramedics were on their way Meghan hung up the phone and ran back up the stairs. She needed to know that Drake was okay... Okay seemed like such an awkward word to her, he was trying to kill himself.

Josh held the vest against the cut, Drake's blood covering his hands. He tried not to look at the older cuts, to count them as guilt washed over him. He couldnt stop the tears from falling as he begged Drake to open his eyes. The haggard, shallow breathing the only proof that Drake was still alive. Josh spotted the empty bottle of pills and his panic rose. He didnt know what to do, he could try to make Drake vomit, but that might make it worse.

Josh had never felt so useless, and it tore him apart. "Please," he begged, cradleing Drake's head. "Please dont die. I, I need you. You're my best friend Drake, I dont want to loose you yet, not like this." Josh's body shook with the sobs as he tried to calm down, to focus on keeping Drake alive.

Megahn ran back into the room, stopping in the dorrway as she listened to Josh cry. Her first thought was that they were too late, and it brought violent tears to her eyes. She didnt think that Josh knew she was there as he continued talking to Drake, trying to wake him up. Bittersweat relief flooded through her as she realized that Drake was still alive.

"Please," Josh said again, voice a shaky whisper. "I cant go through life alone, i cant do anything without you. I'm sorry.." He shook his head. "Im sorry." He repeated, his voice growing in his fear. "I should have been a better brother to you, should have tried to understand. Im not mad anymore Drake, im here for you. But, but I need you to open your eyes, please... I didnt know, im so sorry i diddnt see it..."

Meghan felt her heart breaking as she watched josh, as he cried and begged. She wanted to go to him, to try and help, but she was frozen in that spot, unable to stop her own tears. She had promised Drake that she would save him, and she had failed. She couldnt handle those thoughts, refused to accept them.

"Drake?" Josh;s voice dropped, his entire body shaking as he desperatly tried to hear Drake's breathing. "Drake!"

Audrey and Walter were pulling into the driveway at the same time as the ambulence screached to a hault infront of the house. The watched in horror as the men jumped out, grabbing their equipment and rushing toward the door.

Audrey snapped out of her fearful trance and ran to meet them, demanding to know why they were there.

"We got a call," One replied, watching as the others opened the door and hurried inside.

":What call?" She asked, seeing Josh's car out front.

"Attempted suicide." Was all the man said as he ran in after the others.

Audrey brought her hand to her face, covering her mouth to supress the cries burning in her throat. They had to have the wrong house, it had to be a mistake. She tried to convince herself, but she knew better. She jumped as Walter placed a hand on her shoulder, looking at her with confussed, worried eyes.

"Drake..." She couldnt say the words. Instantly, she turned toward the house, needing to see her son, to know the truth.

"What happened?" Walter called after her, following her as she ran.

Audrey couldnt bare to say the words, to make them real. Tears distorted her vision as she raced toward the boy's room, hoping that it wasnt true. Her eyes fell on Meghan, standing in the hallway, shaking as she cried. _No! _She ran toward her little girl, pulling her close and holding onto her dearly. "Meghan?"

Meghan shook her head, burrying her face in her mother's side as the sobs overtook her. "Drake..." She barly managed that one word.

Josh felt the paramedics move him away from Drake, watched with empty eyes as they went to work on trying to bring Drake back. One of the men removed Josh's vest, assesing the damage before shaking his head. There had been so many cuts, so much pain that they haddnt noticed.

He couldnt hear the words of the men as they talked, his ears buzzed with empty static. Josh watched helplessly as one of the men cut open Drake's shirt, staring in horror at the bruises that had begun to form. The men pulled the defibrillator from its case, resting the paddles against Drake's skin as they waited for the charge.

Every time they sent that wave of electricity through drake's body, Josh jumped. The tears fell harder with every convultion of Drake's body. Please, Josh begged, his fingers digging into the palms of his hands, cutting into them. Please...

After three tries, they finally got a pulse. The men rushed to pick up their eqipment, one of them carefully lifting Drake into his arms and carrying him out to the ambulence. Josh watched the men rush out of the room, heard their foot falls echo against the quite house. His eyes followed them out of the room, falling onto the messily written note Drake had left. Josh grabbed that paper, clenching it tightly as he cried.

Josh looked up at his parents and sister, feeling the hurt overwhelm him. Josh pushed himself to his feet, falling into walter's arms as the cries tore free from his lungs. "Dad!"

Walter wrapped his arms around josh, trying not to look at the blood on the floor, on Josh's hands. "You did good," Walter whispered as his own tears fell.

Josh shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "I couldnt help him, I-"

"You did your best," Walter said comfortingly. 'You kept him alive till they got here. You did good."

The wail of the sirens brought them all back to the present, forced them out of their grief. Without words, they ran toward the car, piling in and speeding off in the direction that the ambulence had gone. They had to know if Drake was going to be okay.

The paramedics secured Drake before going to work on the cut to his wrist, he had lost alot of blood, and they needed to keep him from loosing anymore. Another man went to work inseting the endotracheal tube in Drake's throat as they preparred to pump his stomach. Carefully, they turned him on his left side, holding him still as the vehicle rocked and moved, They pulled the content of Drake's stomach, making sure that the pills were gone and everything came out clear before laying him back down.

Immediantly, they returned to their duties, trying to keep Drake alive as they raced to the hospitle.

Josh followed his parents into the hospitle, watching with dry eyes as they nearly screamed at the receptionist. They wanted to see drake, to know that he was okay. She assured them that he had been alive upon arrival. They couldnt see him yet, he was with a doctor getting ready for surgery. Apparently, there was damage, a broken rib and some other ingeries.

Audrey and walter rejoined Josh and Meghan, all of them sitting in the hard plastic chairs as they waited for anything. After countless minutes, Josh remambered the paper he held tightly in his hands. He unwrinkled it, eyes falling upon Drake's sloppily written words:

_ I'm sorry, but I have to do this. I cant take it anymore, the pain, the lies. I know it might not be fair, but I've always been selfish... Everything hurts, and I cant handle the pain anymore. Its been going on too long, went to far. I'm sorry for all of the lies, I never wanted to hurt any of you. I had to lie, they told me that they'd hurt you if I told the truth. I didnt want you to be hurt, and I was too weak to do anything else. I'm weak, useless. You're all better off without me, you wont have to worry anymore. You wont have to be angry, im sorry that I made you so unhappy. I love you guys, all of you, and Im sorry. I know that sorry doesnt change anything, doesnt fix the things that have happened. Its all I have left, and its the only truth left in me. Mom, walter, you've been the best parents a kid could have. Im sorry I let you guys down. Take care of Meghan and Josh, they need you. I love you both. Meghan, please be nicer to Josh. He flips out real easy, and deep down, I think he loves you. Take care of him for me, please. I love you little sister, i wish I could have been a better brother to you. Josh, im sorry, for getting you into trouble, making you miserable. I didnt mean to be so worthless, so selfish. You've been my best friend, and I took you for granted. Im sorry josh, i really am. Please believe me this time. _

Josh reread the note, his tears smudging the words as drake's voice echoed in his head. _Please_, Josh begged, staring at the emergency room doors. _Please dont die..._

~.~.~.~.~.

**A/N:** Will he live? What will happen next? so much to work on and so little time to do it in. The real purpose of this chapter was to bring everything back to the present, and to let some emotions out. I hope it was enjoyable.


	14. tears

Josh waited with his family for what seemed like a lifetime. He watched with empty eyes as people came and went, voices filling the room without solid words. He didnt care about any of them, what had happened or if they would be okay, he only cared about Drake. Deep down, he knew that this was wrong, but right and wrong meant nothing to him as he waited.

He read Drake's note so many times that he had it memorized, every word of it hitting him hard. He was ashamed of himself, for not seeing just how much Drake had been hurting all this time. Everytime he closed his eyes he saw that gash in Drake's wrist, could still feel his blood on his hands. There had been so many cuts there... How could none of them have noticed? How could he have not suspected more?

drake lied, sure, but Josh had always seen into those lies, had always known more. The one time Drake had really needed him, he had ignored the signs and turned away from Drake. In his effort to be angry, all he'd done was hurt Drake more.

Whoever had done this had threatened to hurt them, and thats why Drake had suffered in silence so long. There had been so many bruises on his chest, so much pain. If he would have just listened from the start, if he would have taken Drake more seriously, then this wouldnt have happened.

Josh watched the doctor stop to talk to the receptionist, watched her braceleted hand point in their direction and suddenly, everything around him became real again. His fingers twitched as the doctor tiredly made his way over to them, his deep eyes on his parents.

They were all on their feet in secounds, ready to question the doctor. Audrey and Walter stepped forward, afraid of the grim look on the doctor's face.

"Drake?" Audrey asked on a trembaling breath, her hands squeezing Walter's fiercly.

"Your son is alive." He assured them. "However, he is very badly hurt. One of his ribs was fractured, and there are countless bruises and swelling over his chest and back. He wouldnt tell me who did that to him, but whoever it was might have killed him if it went on any longer." The Doctor stared at Audrey and Walter, looking for any signs that they had hurt the boy. He'd seen parents hurt their children before, and it was his job to make sure. He shook his head, he knew the signs of abusive parents, and they werent present now.

"Can we see him?" Audrey was desperate. Drake was alive, and for that she was thankful, but she needed to see him breathing, to know for sure.

"Your son tried to kill himself." The doctor said blatently. "Now I dont know whats been going on to push him so far, but judging by what I saw, someones been very rough with him." He was trying to be kind, for the sake of the other children present, but he needed to stress the dire situation at hand. "Its evident that this wasnt his first go at self injury, and it may not be the last. I heavily suggest that you try to get him to open up to you, or get him professional help."

Audrey shook her head, fresh tears falling from her eyes. She'd been trying to deny that Drake had attempted suicide, to hold onto the side of him that she knew was stronger then that. Hearing the Doctor say it out loud shattered that memory, made it all too real for her.

"Id like to see my son now." She was trying to be strong, despite the way she felt. She wanted to break down, to make the doctor tell her why this had happened, even if he didnt know. She held herself together, not for the doctor, but for Josh and Meghan.

The doctor nodded, leading them through the hallways into a small room. They waited outside that door, dreading what they might find inside. They had all seen Drake before the ambulence had taken him, bruised, bleeding. Those long moments that had passed as the paramedics fought to restart his heart. They had come so close to loosing him.

"He's had a rough night." The doctor warned. "Dont stress him out."

They each nodded, slowly entering the room.

Drake looked up as his family entered the room, instantly lowering his gaze in an attempt to hide his face. He was ashamed of himself, of what he had put them through. He wanted to die, had been so close to finally being away from all of it. He knew that they didnt understand, that they were probably angry with him for what he had done. He was ready for that anger.

He was suprised when Audrey pulled him into her arms, sighing heaily as she hid her tears in his hair. She held him tightly, but was careful not to squeeze his chest.

"I was worried I'd loose you." She whispered.

"I'm sorry." Drake replied softly. He wasnt sorry for what he had done, but for how it had hurt her.

Audrey pulled away from drake, truly looking at him for the first time in what felt like forever. There was a nasty bruise on the side of his face, and his lip was split again. She could see some of the bruises on his chest through the top of the loose hospitle gown. She reached down for his hand, trying to avoid the thick bandaging on his wrist. She wasnt ready to see that, to accept what it meant.

"Im so sorry Drake." She said, looking into his brown eyes, seeing the hurt that had been there all this time. "I should have listened more, should have done anything-"

"Stop." Drake said, voice quiet but sharp. "Its not your fault. I lied to you, you should be angry."

Audrey shook her head. "Anger is what led you to this." She guestered to the hospitle room.

"I wanted to die." Drake said simply, letting the words hit her, hit all of them. "Why couldnt you just let me go?"

Audrey stared at him, shocked. she didnt know what to say as she looked into his eyes, saw the tension and honesty in his face. She shook her head, letting the tears fall as she gripped his hand tightly. "You're stronger then that." She whispered. "I know you are."

"I'm not." Drake whispered. "I wish you'd have let me die, i want this pain to stop."

Audrey let her features harden. She wasnt going to let him die, and she didnt want him to think about it any more. "We know whats been happening Drake, and we're going to help you through it."

"You cant." Drake turned away from her. "No one can."

Hesitantly, Audrey stood up and walked toward Walter, needing support. She didnt know how to handle Drake's negativity and she was afraid of upsetting him. He was so fragile now, anything might set him off.

Sencing Audrey's distress, Walter wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder and lead her out of the room. He knew that she wanted to cry, that she was trying to hold it in for their son's sake. Once they were outside, she fell completly into Walter's arms, burying her head in his shoulder and she cried.

"I dont know what to do..." She managed between sobs.

"I know." Walter replied gently as he ran his hand through her hair. "I dont either."

"There's so much pain in him, on him..." She exclaimed, remembering every bruise she'd seen. "Are we bad parents for not seeing it sooner?"

Walter shook his head, his own tears falling. "Drake's always been good at lying," He didnt want to sound cruel, not now. "He knew how to hide it. It's not your fault."

Audrey shook her head, unable to belive Walter's words. She felt like a terrible parent. All this time, he'd been suffering while she'd been getting upset. She'd been so quick to assume that he was being rebelious that she hadnt tried to see what was really happening.

Meghan walked up to Drake, part of her was still so worried, afraid of how close he'd come to dying. The rest of her was upset at how determined he was to give up. "You're not alone anymore." She said sternly. "we can get the guy who did this, make him suffer." Her eyes gleamed with tears and intent. She was determined to hurt whoever was responsible.

Drake sighed heavily, trying not to let his frustration show. He didnt want his family anywhere near Cody. He was fully aware that Meghan could take care of herself in almost any situation, but Cody was more a monster then she could ever be.

"You cant beat him." Drake said.

"that sounds like a challenge." She replied, determined.

Drake glared at her, his fists clenching. "Just stay away from him!" He growled. "I'm not worth you getting hurt over."

Meghan starred at him, taken back by how harsh his words were. She took a hesitant step back, trying to keep her tears from showing. "You're worth it to me." She whispered.

Drake shook his head, unwilling to voice his opinion any further. He knew that Meghan wouldnt understand, she was stubburn, like he was. Drake watched her step away, saw her fighting with the tears in her eyes and he felt his heart sink. He hadnt meant to be so harsh, but he didnt want her to get hurt. He couldnt protect himself, but he was determined to protect her.

Josh stared at Drake, unsure of who he was looking at. Drake would never raise his voice at Meghan, there were always consequences. But he was noticing a lot of changes in Drake right now, from the way he talked to the distant look in his eyes. It wasnt like him, wasnt him. Josh remembered every word of Drake's suicide note, heard them repeating in his head. So much honesty... It hurt to see the raw honesty Drake was exhibiting.

He just wanted his brother back, the way he used to be. He'd do anything just to see Drake smile, even if it was fake. Seeing Drake die for those few secounds had shaken him up, made everything so much more real. Josh knew that the extent of Drake's pain wasnt evident in the bruises on his skin, or just the loss the self esteem he'd gained. It was deeper, hidden behind the lies he was still holding onto to protect himself.

Josh waited until meghan left the room to approach Drake, holding up the note he'd left them. he hadnt shown it to anyone else yet. "I read your note." He said softly.

drake looked at the paper with wide eyes. He could barly remember what he had written, but he knew that he had said enough. "So?" His voice shook.

"You said that you were sorry for the lies, that you didnt want to lie anymore. You dont have to lie Drake, I'm right here, and if you dont want to trust anyone else, then trust me." Josh was all but begging.

Drake bit his lip to hold back his tears, focusing on the pain. "It's not that easy."

"Yes it is." Josh argued, trying to stay calm. "do you know how hard it was to watch you try to kill yourself? To see you die and have nothing but hope as the paramedics brought you back?"

"I died?" Drake said almost too sodtly to hear.

"Yes!" Josh exclaimed. "It was the worst thing I'd ever seen. I've never felt so useless, so powerless in my life. I was terrorfied."

"I'm sorry that I hurt you." Drake replied mechanically.

"If you're really sorry, then let me help you." Josh pleaded. "I cant take away all of your pain, but I can help keep it from happening again. Just tell me who did this."

Drake felt his heart beating as Josh's words sank in. He'd do anything to make the pain stop, but if cody found out he told, then he wouldnt be the only one hurt. He couldnt see anyone else hurt because of him, he wished that they would understand that.

"I cant Josh, please belive me that I cant." It was Drake's turn to beg.

Josh cast his eyes to the floor, squeezing the paper in his hands. "You can." He said softly. "You have all the strength you need to fight this burried deep inside of yourself. I dont know what he did you make you loose sight of that."

Drake stared at the bandaging around his wrist, remembering every hit, every word that had led him here. He could barly remember the person he'd been before all of it. Couldnt fathom the strength that everyone still tried to see in him.

"Please," Drake begged. "Just leave me alone."

"No." Josh put his foot down. "Not until you let me help you."

"Just go."

"drake, I believed you when you said you were sorry. I'm sorry i was so hard on you while all of this was happening. I didnt let go of my anger, I hurt you. I want to help you know. Please."

"Go away!" Drake yelled, his entire body shaking. He couldnt handle this, not now. He needed to be alone.

Josh shook his head, whiping the tears from his eyes as he turned toward the door. He bit back the words he wanted to say, knowing that Drake didnt want to listen, and he left the room.

The doctor was standing outside with his parents, talking about the injuries Drake had recieved and the best ways to help him heal. Once Josh was outside the room, Audrey asked the doctor when they could take Drake home.

"I'd like to keep him overnight for observation." the doctor replied. "I want to make sure that he's okay, and that he doesnt try to hurt himself again."

Audrey nodded, understanding what he ment. They didnt want Drake to try and kill himself again, and the doctor didnt trust them to be there to save him if it happened again. She swallowed her anger at the unspoken accusation, nodding her head.

Audrey and Walter thanked the doctor befor ushering Josh and Meghan out to the car. They'd had an emotionally exhausting night, and they, as well as drake, needed rest. Tomorrow they'd be back, and if the doctor permitted it, they would take drake home, and they would do everything possible to get him through this.

Once he was alone, Drake let himself cry. It'd been so hard to be so cruel to them, knowing what he'd put them through. They were all so worried, so hurt, and it was all his fault. Every one of them wanted to know about Cody, to find him and stop him. But he couldnt be stopped, it couldnt be that easy.

Drake let his mind wander to earlier that night, how close he had come to finally being free from his personal hell. He couldnt remember what he'd written in his suicide note, almost everything was a blur to him. He was sure the pain killers he'd been given had something to do with his unstable memory. He lost rtack after he'd swallowed the pills and cut his wrist. The last thing he remembered seeing was Josh, that look of fear and horror on his face. He'd seen Josh's mouth move, heard the rising pitch of his voice, but most of the words were lost to him.

Josh had said that he needed him, but Drake found that hard to belive. Josh was strong, and he was better off without him. He would onlt hold him back, drag him down into trouble and hurt. Josh had said he was sorry, and Drake could still hear the desperation in his words. It had been surreal to hear all of Josh's emotions pour out, so raw and unhindered. He didnt want to remember everything that Josh had said, because he didnt want to think about how much he'd hurt Josh.

Drake layed down, feeling the pressure of his fractured rib as he tried to take deep breaths. He needed to breath, even if he didnt want to. The courage he'd had when he'd slit his wrist was gone from him now and he was sure that he wouldnt be able to find it again. It had taken so much to reach that breaking point. How much more would it take to get there again?

He shuddered as he thought about Cody, what he would do to him when he found out about what had happened. He'd be furious, he'd laugh. Cody was expecting to see him tomorrow, and when he didnt show up, that hurtful anger would grow. He'd almost killed him tonight, and Drake was sure that the next time Cody had him, he wouldnt be so kind.


	15. Planning

When Drake dreamed that night, his mind raced with flashes of his life as it had become. Bricks forged from lies stacked themselves around him, trapping him in growing darkness as he tried to hide from the things that meant to hurt him.

He could feel the walls shaking as Cody screamed, trying to get to him, to hurt him. Cody's blood soaked through the cracks as he hit the heavy stones, determined to break them. His voice an angry howl that penetrated Drake's ears, making them bleed.

The cries of his family drifted through the walls, tearing at his heart as their sorrow began to fill the void like rain. The waters rose, threatening to down him as he realised that he didnt remember how to swim. Panic set in, his own tears adding to the growing waters, engulfing him.

Drake woke up, covered in sweat and shaking. He'd been haveing nightmares all night. He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head against them, his eyes too tired to cry. He stayed like that for long minutes, ignoring the pain on his chest. Instead he took comfort n it, accepted it as the only thing in his life he was certain of.

Drake didnt look at the nurse who popped into the room to check on him. Someone looked in on him twice an hour, making sure that he wasnt hurting himself. It annoyed him, but he kept his words to himself. He didnt want to talk to them. He nodded his head as she chastised him, telling him that he needed to be resting. It wasnt like he wanted to be awake. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Cody, and everytime he was trying to hurt him. Drake had never dreamed about dying before, and in every dream, it was that moment of death that brought him back into the conscious world.

Carefully, Drake layed back down,, passing his waking moments with memories of his favorite songs. He let their beats play across his mind, distracting him. It was the only way he felt any peace. Tomorrow, he would be going home, and he didnt want to think about that. Everything was going to change, the way his family treated him, the way they thought of him. He didnt want them to be like the nurses, constantly checking on him. But he didnt want them to try and help him either. Before tonight, he would have done anything to have them there, faceing the darkness with him. Now, he just wanted to be left alone.

~.~

Josh couldnt focus as he drove to school. He didnt want to go, he had begged his parents to let him go with them to the hospitle to get Drake. After what had happened last night, he just wanted to know that Drake was still alive. All night his dreams had been assulted by the memory of Drake's near death, as if it had never ended. Josh had washed his hands countless times, but he could still feel Drake's blood upon them.

He read about the way people felt like another persons blood was on their hands, the way the guilt attached itself to them. He'd never been able to imagine that feeling until now. If he had been better to Drake, had listened to him rather then arguing and throwing out blame, then last night might have gone differently. He felt responcible for Drake's falling into a darkness so deep that he'd tried to join it permanatly.

His fingers twitched against the sterring wheel, the unclean feeling growing with every thought._ I'm sorry_... He thought as he pulled into the school parking lot. He didnt think he'd ever be able to say it enough times to make up for the way he'd been.

Josh was preparred for the annoncement after the morning news. His parents had allready called the school to tell them why Drake wouldn't be there today, and now the entire school would know. The teachers had veen instructed to watch the students reactions, to try aand see if they could single out the ones who'd been bullying Drake. Josh didnt put much faith in it working, but he let himself hope, for Drake's sake.

Despite knowing about it, he still felt the tears well up in his eyes as the dull voice announced that Drake had attempted suicide last night. He listened to the gasps in the classroom, the sniffles of the girls who were starting to cry in shock and horror. The annoncers voice was drown out as the whispers began, his plead for the students to keep Drake in their prayers lost amonst the chatter.

Josh doubted that most of them really cared at all. This was just something for them to talk about, new gossip and an excuse for people to get out of class to talk to the counciler about their feelings on the matter. He hated all of them for it, for him, for his family, this was a nightmare. It was real, and it was hurting all of them.

~.~

"How are you feeling today?" The doctor looked over Drake, watching him closely.

Drake shrugged his shoulders, wanting to be left alone. "Fine I guess." He muttered as he crossed his arms.

The doctor sighed, giving Drake his most patient smile. "I know things have been hard for you, and that you dont want to talk to me. But, I have to make sure that you are okay before I can let you leave with your parents."

Drake shook his head, trying to keep his mind empty. "My chest hurts."

"You have a fractured rib, it'll heal up in about a month, but until then you need to avoid any pressure to it." He put a comforting hand on Drake's shoulder. "You cant be hit there anymore either." he said a bit more sternly.

Drake looked up at the doctor, knowing exactly what he was talking about. He was trying to get Drake to open up about it, and Drake didnt appreciate his kindness in the wake of that realization.

"Okay." Drake said coldly, watching the doctor with suspicious eyes as he walked to the foot of the hospitle bed.

"I can see that you dont want to talk to me about it, and thats okay." The doctor said, writing something on Drake's chart. "Do you plan on hurting yourself again?" He said, getting to the point.

Drake shook his head. "No." He replied softly._ I dont have the strength, im weak... _

Convinced, the doctor finished with his writing and left the room.

Audrey and Walter were waiting in the lobby, pacing anxiously. They were ready to get Drake home, to try and get all of this sorted out. Audrey had stayed up late cleaning the blood out from the carpet, and had been in the room again as soon as Josh had left to make sure it was gone. She'd never felt so hurt while cleaning in her life.

Seeing all of that blood, Drake's blood, had destroyed her. Knowing that it was proof of his decision to end his life, his fall into despair weighed heavily on her mind. She couldnt imagine what he had endoured to push him so far.

The doctor approached them brightly, shaking Walter's hand. "He seams okay to go home now, but you'll need to keep an eye on him. He hasnt tried to hurt himself yet, but that might change when he gets home. It'll upset him, but you'll need to check his wrists, to make sure he isnt cutting anymore. And he must keep any pressure off of his ribs. It'll be at least six weeks until they're healed completly, any force to them could break them."

Audrey nodded, taking the doctor's hand and shaking it warmly. "Thank you, for everything you've done." She said gratfully.

"Take care of him." The Doctor replied. His voice was warm, but comanding. "If he's experiencing any extra pain, call and I'll get him in as quickly as possible. When you check him out, the nurse will give you the perscription for the painkillers."

"thank you." Walter said. "Can we see him now?"

The doctor smiled. "You can take him home if you're ready." He chuckled.

They didnt hesitate to go to Drake's room, ready to take him home. Being in the hospitle made them uneasy, they were sure that it was driving Drake mad. They entered the room together, smiling despite the sorrow and guilt they felt. They wanted Drake to know that they still cared, that they loved him.

Audrey went straight to Drake's side, hugging him as she talked about how beautiful a day it was.

"Can we go now?" Drake asked, his voice empty of emotion.

They looked at him, seeing the void where his emotions ought to be. "Of course," Walter grinned. "As soon as your ready."

"I brought you some clothes." Audrey said, handing Drake the bag she'd almost forgotten about.

Drake accetped the bag and pushed himself out of the bed. He walked past them, into the small bathroom and went to work changing. His eyes fell upon the long sleeved shirt his om had packed. He knew that he would have chosen the longer sleeves, despite how warm it was outside, but his mom choosing it made him feel like she was ashamed of what those sleeves would be hiding.

He stepped out of the bathroom, avoiding his parents' eyes as he slowly walked toward them. He wanted to be out of this place, to feel comfortable again. No one spoke as they walked through the halls to the nurse's desk to fill out the discharge papers and collect Drake's perscription.

Drake didnt look at the nurse, though she stole occational glances at him. She was cute, and at one time he might have responded, but now, he flinched at the thought. He didnt see her smile and looks as flattery, it was judgment. She was laughing at him, and he hated it.

~.~

Josh rushed through the hall, grabbing craig by the arm and poulling him aside. "I want you to show me who made Drake get into that car yesturday."

"I heard what happened, I'm sorry." Craig said.

Josh shook his head. "Drake's okay, for now, But if we dont get that guy, then Drake'll get hurt again. Please, which one is he?"

Craig set his feelings aside and looked at the mass of students moving through the hall. They were all moving, and it took him a few moments to properly see each face. He could feel the impatience radiating off of Josh as he tried to find the guy, then he saw him. He was walking with his friends, his frown a sharp contrast to their smiles. "That one." Craig said, pointing to Cody.

Josh looked at him, knowing who he was. Cody was in his english class, Drake's english class. That was the guy, the one who'd been hurting Drake, had driven him to try and kill himself. Josh felt the anger boiling under his skin, felt it force his hands into fists.

"Thanks." he muttered to Craig as he began to follow Cody.

"Josh, wait!" Craig cried out desperatly, worried for his friend.

Josh let Craig's voice drown in the roar of voices coming from the students. He didnt know what he was going to do, but he refused to just let cody leave. There were so many things he wanted to say, to do! He moved around the students blocking him from Cody, trying not to loose sight of him in the crowd.

Josh was stopped by a soft hand on his shoulder, stopping him and pulling him into small arms. "Are you okay?" Mindy asked, hugging Josh tightly.

He pulled away from her, scanning the hallway viciously. Cody was gone. Josh turned back toward Mindy, letting his anger out on a deep breath. "Sure." He replied, shaking his head.

"I heard what happened, then I saw you in the hall, and you looked so angry."

"I did?' Josh asked.

"Yeah, like you wanted to break something."

_I wanted to break him... _Josh thought to himself. He'd lost track of Cody today, but tomorrow, he wouldnt get away. He was letting the thoughts form into plans.

Mindy slid her hand into Josh's, offering what comfort she could. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Josh looked at her, knowing for the first time what it must feel like for Drake. part of him wanted to get all of this off of his chest, the rest of him was nervous to speak it aloud. The indicision made his fingers twitch as he stared into her concerned eyes. "Can we talk about it?" He finally asked.

~.~

Cody stormed out of the school, ignoring the talk of his friends. He'd been angry all day, and they were just annoying him now. All he'd been able to think about all day was that Drake had tried to kill himself. He knew the little bitch was weak, but to have gone that far?

He wanted to laugh, could feel the sound growing deep within his throat. It wasnt time for that yet. No, he wanted to laugh in Drake's face, to make him feel stupid for what he had done. He wanted to see him squirm.

Cody led the others out to his car, waiting for all of them to pile in before starting the engine and jerking the car into gear. He was angry, and it was blatenly evident. He kept his left hand on the wheel, resting his head against his right as he tried to think.

After attempting suicide, Drake's parents would be suspicious, protective. He'd be much harder to get ahold of now. Cody wasnt patient, and he could feel the need to hurt something burning in his hands. Drake was weak, he wouldnt tell his parents why he'd done it, and if they knew, Cody knew that Drake wouldnt tell them who. Cody was counting on that as his mind twisted with thoughts, planning.

Cody rolled his eyes at the pointless babbleing of his friends, their voices grating on his al ready thin nerves. He drove away from home, out to where there were less eyes to witness and slammed on the brakes, jarring the other others painfully in the seats.

"Get out." He growled, as he stepped out of the car. He waited until they'd all gotten out of the car to approach them.

"Cody, I know your upset about the kid, but what are we doing out here?" Mike asked nervously.

Cody grinned, stepping forward. He watched as Mike took in his smile and relaxed, then he struck him across the face.

Andrew flinched, as Mike turned toward Cody, upset. They all knew what Cody could be like, and they preferred when he took his anger out on somebody else. They all liked to hurt others, to get away from the tention in their own lives, but Cody, he relished in the pain. Every one of them walked on eggshells to keep from feeling that anger, feeding the beast within Cody.

"What the hell was he thinking?" Cody shouted, the spittle flying from his mouth as he snarled. "That stupid little cunt."

No one replyed. They turned their eyes toward their shoes, waiting for whatever might come next. Cody was their leader, he kept them strong and helped them let out their anger without getting cought. If he needed to relax, then they were willing to let him. They'd made a pact in grade school, that they would be there for each other. Bruised flesh was nothing compared to a tormented mind.

"He's just a fucking coward." Cody snarled, turning toward Andrew. "Isnt he?"

"He's terrified of you." Andrew replyed, knowing the feeling. He couldnt remember when Cody had become so much more aggresive then the rest of them, what had changed him. They used to be friends, now, andrew felt like a drone. He drank to hide that fear, but without the alcohol, he knew Cody saw right through him.

Cody laughed, a menacing cackle spilling from his trembaling lips as he hit Andrew, watching him fall to the ground. Cody looked at the blood on his knuckles, smiling as he felt the anger lessening. It felt so good to hurt people.

"What do you want to do about it?" Paul asked, his own grin matching the wickedness of Cody's.

Cody threw his head back, laughing as he felt the sun's heat match his hatred. "we're gonna make him wish he'd never been so stupid. We're gonna make him hurt."

~.~

Drake had gone straight to his room when they'd finally gotten home. He wanted to be alone. He knew that his mothers constant attention was out of worry, but he couldnt handle it. He wanted things to like they were before he'd slit his wrist, when everyone just left him alone.

Sighing heavily, Drake collapsed on his bed. His eyes fell to the still damp spot on the carpet, where his blood had been. Any trace of it had been cleaned away, as if it had never happened. All proof of that desperate attepmt had been washed away, or covered by long, concealing sleeves. No matter how much care Audrey was showing, Drake knew that she was ashamed, maybe even afraid of what he'd done.

He closed his eyes, wanting to cry. To get all of the hurt of the day out so he could feel some sort of peace. The tears wouldnt come. After countless breathes, Drake let the pain sink in. He felt empty, completly void of any emotion. He tried to be sad, to be angry, but he diddnt feel anything.

He knew that this should worry him, but he couldnt feel that either. The only thing he could feel was pain, on every breath, within every thought. It was like drowning, though there wasnt any water in the room. He was safe, laying in his bed away from everyone, but his body shook. He didnt know why, and he didnt care.

Drake closed his eyes, letting that empyness consume him as he tried to think. He'd never felt empty before, never been so distant from himself. He rode the waves of pain that trashed about within him, taking solace in them. _At least, I still feel something... _He thought as he drifted into sleep.

~.~.~.~.~.

**A/N:** I am so sorry for the delay in an update. People at work keep quiting, so Im constantly shafted with exrta shifts and I've been exhausted. I wanted to make this chapter a good one, to make up for it, I hopee you liked it. I wanted to cover more then Dake in this chapter, and to start getting a bit deeper into Cody. And woah, Josh is ready for vengence, almost taking him on all by himself.

Also, For anyone who read _living on chains_, Ash was a fire preformer, and, so am I. You might have noticed my new profile photo. :) Its from my last spin, its really that epic.


	16. Carissa Snow

"I just, I dont know what to do." josh confessed as he knotted his fingers. "The signs were there, and we all ignored them. I cant even imagine how bad it must have been, to drive him to..." Josh didnt want to say it.

Mindy placed a comforting hand on Josh's, trying to make him stop figiting. "How bad what must have been?"

Josh felt the heat of tears in his eyes and shook them away. He didnt want to cry. "He's being bullied!' josh exclaimed, amazed that she hadnt seen it. She'd always been so smart, but, she hated Drake. "There are so many bruises.." Josh said softly. "All of that pain, and he wont open up to anyone."

Mindy shook her head, moving her hair out from her face and back behind her ear. She didnt like Drake, never had, but it wasnt him that she was worried about. She could see the hurt, the anger Josh was trying to hide from her. "The important thing is thst he's alive." She said comfortingly. "You've got the chance to help him."

Josh nodded, whiping his nose. "I just wish I knew how."

"If theres one person he'll talk to, its you."

Josh offered a forced smile, taking what comfort he could from her words. His thoughts drifted back to Cody and his fists shook. "Im going to hurt him." Josh whispered.

Mindy looked at him, concerned. She knew Josh, he wasnt a fighter. "Who?"

"Cody... He the one whos been hurting Drake."

"Cody Williams?" Mindy knew who he was, and wasnt suprised to hear that he'd ben the one hurting Drake.

Josh turned toward her. "How did you know?"

"I used to know his ex girlfriend, about the time they broke up, she changed schools and no ones heard from her."

"What was her name?" If he could talk to her, maybe she could tell him more about Cody.

"Carissa Snow." Mindy replied after taking a moment to think. "But, no ones been able to find her since she moved."

Josh grinned, he knew someone who could find anyone, he just needed to get on her good side.

~.~

It took countless deep breathes for Josh to wrok up the nerve to knock on Meghan's door. He knew that she was his only hope of finding someone who didnt want to be found, but she still made him uneasy. She hadnt said much of anything since they'd seen Drake at the hospitle, and he was sure that after seeing what he had, she was shaken up. He let the final breath out, then knocked twice.

"Meghan?" he called thrugh the door.

"What do you want?" Her voice came through shaking.

Josh let himself into her room, avoiding its brightness as he approached her. She was sitting on her bed, trying to hide the tears.

"You cant just come in my room." She said sharply, a bit more like herself.

"I need your help." Josh confessed, trying not to sound desperate.

She looked at him suspiciously before setting down her tissue and getting up. "With what?"

"I need you to find someone, a girl."

She shook her head. "Im not helping you get dates."

"Its not for me." Josh said softly. "Its to help drake."

"How?" She crossed her arms. She didnt like not knowing what Josh was driving at.

"The guy who's been hurting Drake, he had a girlfriend who moved away and changed her name so he wouldnt be able to find her. If I could just talk to her, figure out more about him..."

"You know who he is?" Meghan asked sharply.

"Yeah." Josh replied, seeing the look of intent in her young eyes.

"I wanna know." She said, fully determined to make him tell her. "If you tell me, then I'll try and find her."

"No, meghan this guy is dangerous." Josh hadnt been able to help drake, but he wouldnt let Meghan get hurt. He knew her too well to think she'd be okay just knowing. "You wanna help Drake too, dont you?"

She stared at him, all ready forming a plan. "Fine, what's her name?"

"Carissa snow." Josh replied uneasily. That had been too easy.

Meghan pushed josh out of her room, muttering that she'd let him know when she found something. Josh stood outside her door for a few minutes, wondering if getting Meghan involved had been a bad idea. He knew her, and she could be dangerous, but she was just a kid. He let the unease drain from his mind as he approached his room, his hand hovering over the knob. The last time he'd walked in, he'd found Drake dying, and that memory still haunted him.

Josh closed his eyes as he pushed through the door way, mentally preparring himself for anything as he stepped inside and opened them. He sighed in relief, everything was normal. Drake was sleeping, and Josh watched the rise and fall of his chest, taking comfort in it.

For the moment, Drake was safe, and Josh was determined to do everything possible to keep him that way. He didnt know how to get Drake to open up, but now that he knew who was behind everything that had happened to him, he could keep him safe. He knew that Meghan would find Carissa, and hopefully talking to her would help. Josh layed down, turning to watch drake as he drifted off to sleep. _I'll protect you_. He promised as the world faded out.

~.~

The two days that followed yielded no results. Meghan still hadnt found any trace of Carissa, and Josh had gotten nothing out of watching Cody. Every moment that Cody was in his sight was agonizing. His mind faught with him as he reframed from lashing out at his brothers tormenter. He felt powerless as he simply observed Cody. Watching him with his friends, that haunting smile as he went about his day like any other person. If Josh hadnt known what he was capable of, he wouldnt belive that Cody was the monster.

Trying to talk to Drake had been just as dissapointing. Since coming home from the hospitle, he had completly shut himself away. He didnt talk to anybody, and the more Josh tried to get close to him, the more drake pushed him away. He went from silence to anger so quickly, as if the inbetween had been lost to him.

It hurt to see Drake this way, and Josh couldnt shake the feeling that it was his fault. If he'd have listened, if he'd have seen beyond his own irritation then things might not have gone so far. Josh didnt know what to do, only that he had to do something. For drake, for his own sanity. He couldnt stand to see Drake this way, it was tearing him apart.

Drake had spent the two days home from the hospitle alone in his room. If he stayed away from eerybody, then nobody could hurt him. He couldnt hurt them. He spent almost all of his time hunched over his notebook, scribbleing words and notes for songs he couldnt play. All of his pain, all of his thoughts jumbled together on the loose pages, readable only to him.

When he wasnt working on his music, he was holding his broken guitar. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since he'd watched Cody stomp on its neck, killing the music, that part of himself that he'd always cherished. Without it, he couldnt find the feelings he'd lost.

every morning when he went for breakfest, Audrey made him lift his sleeves. She avoided the slowly healing gash, searching for any sign that he'd been cutting again. He hated the inspections, the hurt look in her eyes as she gazed at the old cuts. She didnt trust him, and, he didnt blame her.

She tried to talk to him, but the words always seemed awkward. She didnt know what to say to him, and that uncertanty was clear by the look in her eyes. She wanted to be there, to help him out of his pain, but he refused her. Drake tuned her out, and the harder she tried, the angrier he became, until he was shouting and she was crying, desperatly reaching out to him.

drake pushed all of them away, to save himself from their feelings, to save them from his own anger. He'd tried to rely on them once, and they had refused to listen. They'd let him die a little more inside each day until all he wanted was to die. He'd tried to turn to Josh, and instead he'd been left crying and in the hands of his nightmares.

It was all he could do not to go to the bathroom and pull out a new razor. He missed that cold comfort, the release. He didnt do it for fear of Audrey finding the cuts, he just didnt feel anything to release. The only emotion he could find anymore was anger, and it only appeared in brief, hurtful waves. All he had now was emptiness, and it seemed like too much for him at times.

He sat alone in his room, watching the shadows streach and dissapear, and he was sre that he was loosing what was left of his mind. He felt out of place here, like a decoration that was out of season. He spent countless minutes trying to remember the time before this had begun, but that Drake had dissapeared. His dreams, his self, had been drowned by fear and pain, leaving him an empty shell.

Drake stared at the gash on his wrist, lighttly running his fingers over it until the sting of contact was all he could feel. He was allready dead, he told himself. His feelings had died, and now, he was just waiting for his body to join them.

~.~

On the third day, Meghan handed Josh a folded pice of paper. Her eyes were red with sleep deprivition and he hands were shaking. She was barly standing as she folded her arms across her chest, trying to look mean. "I want his name." She demanded softly so their parents wouldnt hear.

"No." josh said.

She snatched the paper from him, holding it tightly against her chest. "If you want this number, then I want the basterds name." She said through gritted teeth. "I've been up for hours, not just for this." She said, waving the paper in front of Josh. "But because I've been worried about Drake."

Josh sighed heavily, shaking his head. He couldnt win this. "Promise me that you wont try to go after him yourself."

Meghan took a moment to think before nodding her head. "I promise." She said. She wouldnt go by _herself_, she wasnt stupid.

"His name is cody williams, he's bad news Meghan."

She handed him the paper. "She goes by Alana now." meghan informed him as she turned toward her room, ready for sleep.

"Dont forget your promise." josh warned her as he looked over the number on the paper. "Thank you." He added as he turned to walk away.

Josh went out to his car, knowing that there, no one could hear him. he wanted to be alone for this, to be able to concentrate. He didnt know if Carissa would be able to give him very much, but he had to try.

Once he was seated he punched the numbers in, waiting through the rings for someone to pick up. After what felt like tension filled hours, a man's voice came over the line.

"Hello?"

"High, my name's Josh, is Ca- is Alana home?"

The man hesitated. "Who's this?"

"I'm a friend from school, I had some qusetions about our homework." The lie felt awkward to josh.

"Just a minute." The man replied grufly.

Josh listened as the man moved through his house, calling his daughters name. He was worried that his lie would be discovered, that she wouldnt want to talk to him. Please.. He begged silently as he waited.

"Hello?" Came a cheery, soft voice.

Josh hesitated. If she'd moved and changed her name, then the meories he wanted her to bring up were probably very painful. "Carissa?"

"Who are you, and how did you get this number?" She asked, the plesentry gone from her voice.

"My name is Josh Nichols, please, dont hang up. I, I need your help."

She scoffed, obviously upset. "What do you want?" She demanded.

"I know tis is going to be hard, but, I need to know about Cody Williams."

"This isnt funny." She said, and Josh was sure she'd hang up on him.

"I know its not," He said desperatly. "Please, he's been hurting my brother,Drake tried to kill himself."

"Then I suggest you go to the police."

"I know, but drake wont talk about it..."

"Drake?" She cut him off. "As in Drake parker?"

"Yes!" Josh exclaimed. "He's my brother, Cody's been hurting him."

"I dated Drake, before Cody." She said absently, as if lost in a memory. "When i told Cody about him, he got so mad..." She sighed, trying to decide what to do. "What do you need to know?"

Josh silently thanked drake's bad habbits and sighed. "I'm not sure." He confessed. "What, what did he do to make you leave?" He instantly regreted the question, afraid that he was getting too personal.

"Cody's a complicated guy." She said softly, though there was bitterness in her words. "He seems normal, sweet even, but theres a darkness in him. He's easilly angered, and very violent. when things arent going his way, he fixes them with his fists. Bruises, broken bones, they dont mean anything to him. He almost killed me, and he liked me. If hes hurting Drake, then it will escalate."

"Im sorry..." josh said, trying not to picture a girl so hurt and broken down.

"Dont worry about me," She said bitterly. "Nothing a lot of hospitle visits couldnt fix. But he hates Drake. When i told him about how he broke my heart, Cody was filled with such rage, thats why I tried to leave him. I was terrified, and his friends, they can be just as bad, and they'll follow any order Cody gives them." She exhaled heavily, and josh could tell that she was starting to cry. "Keep Drake out of cody's grasp, and go to the police. I couldnt turn him in, because, I loved him, despite that darness. and maybe its not entirly his fault. If his parents were more strict with him, if his dad didnt drink and hit him, he might be an entirly different person... But he will kill your brother if he doesnt go to the police."

"Thank you." Josh replied heavily, his heart hurting more with every word she'd spoken.

"dont thank me, loose this number." She said as she started to sob and hung up the phone.

Josh let the phone fall to his side as everything she had said ran through his mind. He wasnt sure what he had hoped for when he'd called the number on the paper Meghan had given him, and he didnt know if what he'd gotten would help him. But now, more then ever, he knew he had to keep Cody away from Drake. Cody hated him, and it seemed that he had every intention of taking all of his anger out on him, even if that meant killing him.

He felt the silent tear crawl down over his cheek as carissa's hurt voice echoed through his mind. he felt terrible for making her think about those memories. He hadnt wanted to hurt her. Josh took the paper with her number on it, and ripped it into smaller and smaller pieces, destroying it.

Josh waited a little longer before putting the keys in the ignition. He didnt want to go to school today. sighing, he pulled out of the driveway and headed down the familier streets, trying to think of what to do. He needed to protect Drake, to try to put an end to all of this before any more damage could be done.

every hour ticked away slower then the last, and by the end of the day josh felt completly exhausted. He was irritated, haveing not been able to focus on anything all day. His notes were jumbled, most of them only half written. All he'd been able to think about were the things Carissa had said, and with every thought his hatred of cody grew.

He didnt care what it took, he was going to keep him away from Drake. Every time he thought of his brother, he felt his heart sink. Drake was at home, probably still in their room trying to deal with everything all on his own. He just wanted to show drake that he wasnt alone, that he could trust him...

The final bell rang and Josh filtered out into the hallway, grabbing his things and hurrying to try and find Cody. he didnt know how, but this ended now.

It didnt take josh long to find Cody, and in secounds he was walking just a few steps behind him, his footfalls in almost perfect sync. He felt like the predator now, stalking his prey, waiting for the right moment to attack. He wasnt sure what he was going to say, but he could feel his fists clenched tightly, shaking with anger.

Josh slowed his pace, trying not to be obvous as he followed Cody and his friends out to the parking lot. He didnt look at them, didnt let them see that he was following them. There were four of them, and he knew that he'd be outmatched, but his fight was with Cody. Hopefully, they had enough honor to leave this one on one.

When they stopped at Cody's car Josh stepped forward, letting the anger twist his face as he cleared his throat. "Cody Williams." He growled.

Cody turned around, stepping forward with a sarcastic grin soread across his face. "Well well well," Cody snickered. "If it isnt Parker's bumballing brother."

Josh shrugged the comment off. He wasnt going to let Cody get to him, not now. "Im just here for you." Josh said cooly.

The others chuckled, staying two steps behind Cody, who was only a few feet away from Josh, glaring at him. "What do you want?"

"I know that it was you." Josh snapped. "I know you've been hurting Drake. It ends now."

Cody laughed, running his hand through his hair. "The little pussy went and told on me?"

Josh shook his head. "No, you made sure he was too scared. But I know someone who's seen you beating up on him. He saw you force Drake into your car."

"Who?" Cody asked, his reserve slipping momentarily.

"Doesnt matter." Josh replied. "It ends now, you're going to leave Drake alone."

Cody stepped forward, until he was only a breath away from Josh. "And who's gonna make me? You?" Cody chuckled. "Go home and tell your brother that he better stop hiding from me. He deserves whats coming to him."

Josh lost his cool as Cody's breath hit his face. Without thinking, he swung his fist, connecting it with Cody's face. He watched Cody stumble backward, saw the rage that overtook his face. Seeing that look, Josh understood why drake was so afraid of him, it was terrifying. He was shaking, but he held his ground.

Cody checked his lip for blood, smiling as he found none. "You got one hit, and you couldnt even break the skin." He mocked, stepping forward again. "At least your bitch of a brother hits harder then you."

"Stay away from him." Josh snarled, though his courage was slipping. "He didnt do anything to you, and Carissa wouldnt want this."

"How do you know Carissa?" Cody stopped moving, watching Josh intently.

Josh mentally cursed at himself, trying to think of anything to say. "Only a coward would beat up a girl." Josh retorted without thinking. He felt himself flinch as Cody's fist came forward, hitting him to hard he fell to the ground.

"Where is she?" Cody demanded as he sat down on josh's chest, cracking his knuckles.

Josh shook his head. "I i dont know." He didnt want to be hit again. He was surrounded, pinned down and the fear was starting to drown the anger within him.

Cody hit him across the face, watching as Josh's lip started to bleed. He knew how to get Drake out of hiding now. He hit Josh a third time, watching as his eyes slowly started to swell. temproarily satisfied, he climbed off of Josh, spiting at him as he backed away.

"Tell Parker that he'd better come out of hiding, or your face will have more then a bruise on it." Cody threatened. ""tell him that I'm comeing for him, and he's gonna regret ever being born."

Josh pushed himself off of the ground, shaking. "No." He said as toughly as he could manage. "I dont care what you do to me, I wont let you hurt him anymore!"

Cody kicked Josh before he could get to his feet, sending him back against the pavement. It was all Josh could do not to let the tears show as the pain tore through him. He'd never felt anything like it.

"You'll tell him," cody said, pulling the small switchblade from his pocket. He snapped the blade open, letting the sun reflect off of it and into josh's eyes. "Or I'll put this right through you. And it will hurt."

Cody stepped away from Josh, summoning the others to follow him. They started piling into the car, only Cody remained outside. He looked at Josh, smiling as if nothing had happened. "And if you tell anyone other then him about this, you wont be the only one to regret it." Cody promised before getting into the car and driving away.

It took Josh almost ten minutes to compose himself. He was crying, his bruised face hidden in shaking hands. Cody was stronger then he looked, so much crueler. Carissa had said that there was a darkness in him, and Josh had seen it. He understood why she had dissaeared, why Drake was so afraid. He was still shaking.

Josh pushed himself to his feet, feeling a wave of nausea pass over him at the sudden movement. He couldnt let Drake get caught by cody again, not after seeing what he was like.

_"...But he will kill your brother if he doesnt go to the police..."_ Carissa's warning flashed through his mind, and now, he fully believed in it. He had to get Drake to talk to him, to get help before it was too late.

~.~

Cody gripped the wheel, glaring at everything that slid by his vision. _Carissa..._ He missed her so much. After she'd dissapeared, the anger inside of him had grown so fiercly that he hadnt known what to do. To hear her name like that, it had almost left him shaking.

"Cody?" Andrew asked meakly from the backseat.

"What?" Cody growled.

"If that kid knows what we;ve been doing, whats to stop him from going to the police?"

Cody chuckled, beating his fingers against the wheel. "Parker has to come forward to verify anything his brother says, and he knows better. Besides, now that we've got him where we want him, he wont be around much longer."

Andrew swallowed his responce, the fear tingling in his gut. He pulled the flask from his backpack, taking a long drink before leaning back in his seat. This was going too far.

'How are you gonna get him out?" Paul asked, searching Cody's face for an answer.

"A little persuasion." Cody replied as his thoughts drifted back to carissa.

~.~.~.~.~.

**A/N:** This was more Josh's chapter. And a lot has happened. How will Drake react to Josh's beating? What will happen next? So much to ponder. There was a lot of taling in this chapter, hope that doesnt bother anyone. next chapter will hopefully be up in the next few days. Thanks for reading!


	17. its been a while

_~...And it's been awhile Since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile Since I first saw you...~_

Drake found himself sitting on the couch again that evening, pressed against the arm with his notebook held tight. He'd been trying to write music, but had instead discovered his hand writing down everything that had happened over the last few weeks. In rough written scribbles, he'd documented his decent into darkness, every hit, every torment. reading it back to himself, it was hard to belive that he was still in one piece.

It seemed like so long ago that he'd been just another kid, laughing, living. Eyes once turned to the skies in anticipation, now downcast for fear of what layed in waiting in the shadows. He could remember the way he used to think of himself, but he couldnt believe in it. he knew who he was, what he was, and those old thoughts were so far off it made him sick. He wasnt cool, wasnt Drake. He was weak, useless.

The person he'd been during that first encounter was a lie and drake hated himself for it. Cody had been right to show him the truth, but Drake couldnt thank him for it. He hated Cody more then he hated himself. Everything he'd done, the things he'd taken away from Drake. Drake would do anything to be able to belive in himself the way he used to, to live in that lie and feel okay.

With shaking fingers, Drake pulled the razor from its hiding place in the couch, letting it rest against his skin. He took comfort in its cool blade as he contemplated what he wanted to do. If his mother saw fresh cuts, she'd probably send him away. If they thought that he was going to try and kill himself again, they would send him to the hospitle, or worse, the loony house. Drake didnt want to be sent away, he just wanted to be okay again.

Drake moved the blade away from his wrist and rolled up his pant leg. No one would see it there. He closed his eyes, breathing a sigh of relief as he felt the skin seperate and the blood flow. It wasnt much, he didnt want to get caught. But it was enough to take some of the weight off of his chest.

_~...And it's been awhile Since I could stand on my own two feet again  
And it's been awhile Since I could call you...~_

Drake pulled his pant leg down, holding it agianst the fresh cuts in an effort to hide the evidence. He almost smiled as he felt the tears falling down his cheeks, as he felt sorrow instead of pain and anger. To feel anything, even something terrible, was better then the emptiness.

He thanked the blade as he closed his hand over it, feeling it warm at his touch. It had become his only friend, the only thing he could turn to. Drake pulled his knees up to his chest, trying not to aggrivate his ribs as he rested his head and let his mind drift.

He couldnt remember what it felt like to be strong, to be able to count on himself. It used to be that he thought he could do anything. He'd get himself into trouble, but he could always get out again. That bold confidence was sorely missed as he thought about what his life had become. He couldnt do anything to save himself now. Without the razor, the familiarity of pain to get him through, he was lost. He couldnt even feel anymore.

Drake wasnt sure what he would do without it. At least when he hurt himself, he was in control. The pain didnt destroy him, it helped to pull him through. It hurt to realize that, to be making excuses instead of being ashamed. Audrey was ashamed... everybody was. Thats why they werent making him go to school, why his long sleeved shirts were always washed and ready.

With a shaking hand, Drake pulled his phone from his pocket, drifting through the contacts until Josh's number was highlighted. It'd been so long since Josh had been there to comfort him. The only person he'd ever really trusted, and now, more then ever, Drake wished that Josh was there to demand answers of him. Even if he couldnt find the words to tell josh, he could just leave his notebook out...

Anything to be able to escape the torment, the fear of what might happen. Drake knew that he couldnt hide in his room forever, that he'd have to go back to school. And he knew that Cody would be there, ready to hurt him for what he'd done. If Cody got ahold of him again, it would take more then a few small cuts to escape the pain. If Cody let him live...

Drake closed his phone, letting it fall to the floor. He couldnt call Josh, not after the way he'd been pushing him away. If Josh knew, then he would try to do something about it, and Drake couldnt live with that. Josh didnt stand a chance against Cody, and Drake knew that he wasnt worth josh being beaten over.

~.~

_~...And it's been awhile Since I could look at myself straight  
And it's been awhile Since I said I'm sorry...~_

Josh was careful when he entered the house. He knew that if either of his parents saw his face, they'd be worried. His eye was badly bruised, but he'd managed to get some of the swelling down. He didnt want them to see it, not yet. They'd want to know who did it, and until he talked to Drake, he didnt want to tell them anything. What had happened to him was nothing comparred to what Drake had been through.

The first stop he made was to the bathroom. Josh caught a glimpse of his reflection and was quick to shun himself away from it. He bit his lip, tasting the blood again. His face was evidence of his failure, and right now, he couldnt handle it.

He'd been so sure of himself when he'd approached Cody, so sure that he could make a difference. But the anger within Cody had destroyed him, left him crying and feeling more powerless then ever. He was ashamed of himself for backing down, cowering in the face of the evil he'd sworn to fight.

Josh washed his face, careful not to press too hard against his bruised eye and split lip. He dropped the washcloth into the sink, gripping its sides with his hands as he tried to focus on calming his nerves. He had to talk to Drake, to make him listen and understand just what kind of danger he was in. Carissa's warning, Cody's threat, every word screamed across his mind. After long, deep breathes Josh finally looked at himself, feeling pity in what he saw.

But he felt something stronger, hidden behind the pain. These were his battle scars, he'd faught for Drake, and though he hadnt won that round, the battle wasnt over. He let the determination to save Drake revive the flame of his fight, allowed it to consume him.

He still had a lot of work to do, and he wouldnt back down. If it took him digging out his Ms. nancy costume, then so be it. He'd make Drake listen, and he'd make him see just how sorry he was for how he'd been. He'd been cruel to Drake in his anger, and though nothing could take it back, he needed Drake to realize that he was sorry. Needed Drake to forgive him.

He knew Drake had heard him say it, but the words werent reaching him. Josh had to be strong, to help Drake through this, but he couldnt do it whle he was drowning in his own guilt. Maybe it was a selfish compramise, but Josh didnt know what else to do. It'd been so long since he and Drake had been able to just talk on level ground.

Josh counted the steps between the bathroom and his bedroom door, stepping slowly, quietly. He knew that he looked terrible, he felt terrible... He gripped the knob tightly, letting out the breath he was holding and stepped into the room.

Drake was sitting on the couch, curled upon himself with tears rolling down his cheeks. It broke josh's heart to see him like this, so different from the Drake he'd always known.

"You shouldnt sit like that," he said softly, "Your rib..."

Drake offered a tired smile as he streached out his legs, same old Josh he thought as his eyes settled on Josh's face. His smile dissapeared. "Josh, what happened?"

Knowing what Drake was talking about, Josh gingerly touched the bruise around his eye. "Drake, we need to talk."

"Your eye..." drake whispered, feeling the bruises on his chest ach. He had suspicions on Josh's bruise, but he was afraid to say the name aloud.

"I know about Cody." Josh said quietly, confirming drake's suspicion. He took careful steps forward, sitting on the couch next to Drake.

"How? How did you find out?" Drake could feel his hands shaking.

Josh Shook his head. "The night that you," He took a deep breath. "The night you tried to kill yourself, Craig came up to me at work. He said he saw Cody force you to get into his car, that he'd been fighting with you in the halls at school."

Drake nodded, silently confirming what Craig had told josh. Someone had seen... Drake couldnt belive it. He lifted his gaze back to Josh's face, feeling guilty for the hurt he saw there. "What happened?" He asked again, stronger.

"I tried to make him leave you alone." Josh said, remembering how badly the experience had went. "I thought that if I confronted him, it would make him leave you alone."

"You shouldnt have done that, he could have killed you." Drake said harshly, biting his lip. he didnt want to lash out anymore.

"He's going to kill you." Josh replied, voice desperate. "A few bruises is nothing compared to the hurt, the guilt of letting that happen." Carefully, he reached out and grasped Drake's hand, feeling how badly he was shaking. "I know that I've been mean, I've turned you away, but, I just want you to know that I'm sorry Drake."

Drake closed his eyes as warm tears forced their way through his eyelids. He hadnt wanted to hurt Josh. "It's not your fault." he said, almost too quietly to hear. "Al of it, the hurt everyone feels, the shame... Its my fault."

"No one's ashamed of you."

"Mom is..."

Josh shook his head. "No she's not, she's worried. I dont think she knows what to do. How to help you."

Drake pulled his hand out from Josh's grasp, folding his arms over his chest as if to protect himself. "No one can help me."

"I can." Josh wouldnt let Drake belive that he was alone. "I can, and I will. If you can't talk to me, then please, let me take you to the police station. If you dont tell someone, then Cody wins. He wants to hurt you, and your not the only one." Cody's warning echoed against Josh's mind, sending chills down his spine.

"What do you mean?" Drake asked uneasily. He wasnt sure what had given him the strength to say this much, but it scared him.

josh gestured absently to his face, then cleared his throat. "Do you remember Carissa Snow?"

"Kinda." Drake tried to picture her, but couldnt place the face. There were so many girls in his memories. So many that he had used and hurt.

"She remembers you." Josh offered a grin, but it was quickly lost. "She dated Cody after you broke up with her, its because of her that he hates you so much. He almost killed her, thats why she moved, changed her name. I talked to her today, she thinks you should go to the police."

"Why?" Drake remembered Cody saying that his girlfriend had left him for Drake, but that was wrong.

"She still cares," josh offered. "I care, mom, dad, Meghan, we all care. No one wants to see you hurt anymore."

_~...And everything I can't remember As fucked up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered I've stretched myself beyond my means...~_

Drake shook his head, mentally fighting Josh's words. No one cared, he knew that. He was a burden to them, and they all hated him. "You'd all be better off without me."

"thats not you." josh said, his voice raising. "drake, you know better then that, you are better then whatever Cody's been telling you. I dont know what he's done to you, but I hate it... I hate him for breaking you down like this. I stood up to him today, and i felt a bit of that anger that he's been using on you. It's terrifying, and the fact that you've held out this long, proves that your stronger then you think you are." Josh said desperatly, trying to reach Drake.

"I tried to kill myself." Drake spat, denying Josh's wprds.

Josh hesitated. he could still see Drake on the floor, bleeding out... He didnt ever want to be that close to loosing drake again. "I almost lost you then, I wont let it happen again." It was a promise.

Drake looked at josh, at the bruise on his face and the fierce determination in his pleading eyes. If no one else on the planet cared, he knew that at least, Josh did. There was something in the way he was pushing the subject, in the way he shared Cody's anger. He hated seeing Josh hurt, but it was something they now shared. Knowing that josh knew, not just the name, but the monster too, gave him the push he needed to open up.

"I'm afraid..." Drake whispered. "Of what he'll do if I say anything." His entire body was shaking now, his mind screaming at him to be quiet, the bruises begging him to speak. "I've forgotten so much, lost...myself..."

josh put a comforting hand on drake's shoulder. "I'm here." he said. Two simple words, but they meant everything to Drake.

"I dont know where to begin." drake could feel his voice growing softer as the memories drifted toward the surface. The fear clawing at him.

"You dont have to tell me everything." josh said, seeing how hard this was for Drake. As much as he wanted to know, he was afraid of what Drake might say. He was so shaken, so broken down. Josh couldnt imagine what had lead Drake to this.

Drake's eyes fell to his wrists, the healing lacerations staring back like eyeless phantoms. His fingers ran over the bandaging that hid his desperate attempt, lingering. He had to tell someone and josh was the only person he could trust.

"I'm weak Josh..." Drake began softly, clenching his fists. "Dont deny it, weak and useless. It took a lot of hurt to make me see the truth, I tried to deny it, but that only made it worse. At first, they were always waiting, right out in the open. When i'd leave Trevor's house, they'd be there, waiting for me like they were friends... They'd grab me, shove me around... Thats when they invited me to that party, but it wasnt really an invite, they told me I had to go."

Josh remembered that night, how upset he'd been that Drake had snuck out of the house. The initial worry he'd felt when Drake called him to go pick him up, the disgust and anger that had followed. Looking back, Josh felt ashamed of his behavior.

"I snuck out, went to Cody's house. I didnt want to Drink Josh, I didnt. I tried to refuse, to just leave and come home, but they hit me. Im weak, pathetic, I have no friends..." Drake uttered the words Cody had said to him. "They beat me until I was barly concious, then let me go. That was when I called you..."

Josh nodded.

"After that, mom was angry, you were angry. I wanted to tell you all what had really happened, but they said that if I did, the beatings would get worse. I'm a coward, so i didnt say anything. After that fight we;d had, was the first time I cut myself. I took my guitar pick and dug it into my skin, over and over until it bled." Drake remembered that feeling, the bittersweet release. 'I didnt see them again till the night of the show, they were in the audience. I froze up, I was so scared. Trevor and the others were so angry when I cancelled the rest of the show, but I wa shaking." he looked at Josh desperatly, trying to see if he understood. "They cornered me outside, in the ally out back... I tried to fight back, but there were more of them... Cody Broke my guitar, they held be back while he smashed it, made me watch..." His eyes turned toward the guitar case, his mind whispering apologies.

"When school started, they got worse. They've been taking my lunch money, then made me sit with them at lunch. Thats why I've lost so much weight..." _I was fat anyway_... Drake thought. "Everyone I thought was my friend got angry, because I never saw them. I had to sit there, so they wouldnt hurt me. I was selfish josh, I hurt everyone else to to try and keep myself safe."

Drake started to cry as he thought about what happened next. He felt the tears run warmly over his cheeks, leaving a brief chill in between each fall. Absently, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a quarter and twirling it between his fingers.

'After that first time Ms. hayfer made me stay over, when i ran to try and catch you before you left... that was the first time they pushed me into Cody's car. They made me drink, one beer after another until I fet sick. Then they arrived..." He stopped twirling the quarter, his gaze distant. The tears were falling harder and he bit his lip to try and stop them. "The Bartleby sisters..." He shivered at the name.

"I begged them to let me go, but they held me down... covered my mouth so i couldnt scream." With a shaking hand, Drake handed the quarter to josh, gladto be rid of it. He couldnt look at Josh as he continued, his voice growing small as he choked back tears. "Thats all my virginity was worth to them. A flip of a quarter to see who went first." Drake said bitterly.

Josh dropped the quater, trying to hide the horror that was spreading over his face. Nothing could have preparred him for what he'd heard, and he could think of nothing to say as he watched Drake pull his knees to his chest to try and hide the tears. Josh had known that Cody was hurting Drake, but to know that it had gone so far, that something so horrid had happened... Josh felt his hands clench into fists as his shock was replaced by anger.

"I tried to tell Cody that it was over after that, in the hallway after school. He hit mw there, said that he wanted to get the girls together again. I didnt want that, Josh," Drake looked into Josh's eyes, all of his fear and hurt evident. "I didnt want to go through that again. I got an idea when Ms. hafyer assigned us that paper. I wrote mine on bullying, hah, can you belive I did so good on it, she thought someone else wrote it for me?"

Despite the sistuation, Josh grinned. Drake relaxed a little as Josh offered him that small bit of apprciation. "I was afraid of what wold happen if Cody found out about the paper, if he knew..."

Josh knew what was comeing next. That was the morning he'd fought with Drake in the car, the day that Drake had tried to kill himself. Before Drake could continue, Josh spoke, his voice raw as he tried to supress the feeling building up inside of himself. "I'm sorry Drake, for the way I acted in the car. You were trying to tell me, and I blew you off out of petty anger."

"Its okay..." Drake said softly. "I'm not mad at you Josh, i was just afraid, so I lased out at you."

They sat in silence for long moments as Drake tried to calm himself down. He wanted to break down, to just cry until there were no more tears left within himself. He was begining to miss that emptyness, the peace it had offered. Drake offered Josh a brief smile as he continued. "I hit Cody in the hallway. It only lasted a secound, but it felt so good not to be afraid of him for that brief moment. I was so tired of beong afraid, of being beaten and hurt. But it only made him madder..."

"Ms. hayfer knew what was going on, at least, I think she suspected. I had to stay after class, to tell her that i really wrote that paper. she asked me about it, and I lied to her. The way I lied to everyone. Until Cody, I never realized just how esily the lies come to me, I hate them now..." Drake whsipered, wrapping his arms around his legs, feeling his chest ache.

"They were waiting for me when I left school. I tried not to go, but cody made me get in the car. All i could think about was that they were going to kill me, about how I'd pushed you away... Thinking about you was the only thing that gave me any kind of strength."

Josh smiled, at least, in some small way, he';d been there for Drake. Even if it were only in thoughts.

"I'm a worthless liar. I'm useless, I ruin everything. I, hurt everyone..." Drake whispered, remembering the words Cody had wanted to hear, the words he ow believed. "They hit me, kicked me until I thought I'd die. It went on forever, the mercilous beating. I tried to shield myself from them, so they taped my hands behind my back. I rtied to scream so they gagged me." Drake shook his head, the tears couldnt be stopped now. "Being that helpless, its terrifying Josh. When there's nothing you can do to try and protect yourself, the hopelesness of it..."

Josh reached forward, pulling drake into his arms as he cried. He could feel drake's entire body shaking with feasr and hurt, could feel his own shaking with the anger for what they'd done to his brother. Only cowards would bind someone, beat them while they were defencless.

After countless minutes, Drake pulled away from Josh. He didnt look at Josh as he continued, couldnt bare to see the hurt in Josh's eyes. "They took me home after that, told me I had to go back the next day. They were gonna have the girls over. I didnt want that, not again. I was so tired, so hurt. Thats why I tried to kill myself. I know it was selfish, that it hurt all of you.. but I couldnt do this anymore."

"It's okay." Josh said, holding Drake's hand tightly. "I dont blame you for what you did. After all of that, what they did..." Josh tried to push his own tears back. He wanted to be strong, to show ADrake that despite what had happened, he was there for him no matter what. "You may have tried to kill yourself, but you havent tried since, you're not weak. You arnt whats hurting people," Josh tried to think over the words, not wanting to upset Drake. "What upsets them, us, is seeing you in so much pain and not knowing what to do. We all care about you drake, even if the last few weeks have been, trying, we havent given up on you. The real you, i dont know how, but Im going to bring it back."

Drake offered a smile, though there wasnt much joy in it. He knew what Josh was saying, what he was trying to get out. But it was so hard to believe in those words when he believed so differently now. "I dont know what to do..."

"Tomorrow, after school, will you go to the police station with me?" Josh was trying not to beg.

"I I cant..."

"I know you're scared, but I'll be there with you. I wont let anything happen to you, no one will." He promised.

"I'll try." Drake replied, breathing deeply.

~.~

_~...And it's been awhile Since I can say that I wasn't addicted  
And it's been awhile Since I can say I love myself as well...~_

Andrew sat at the far end of the couch, watching the television with no interest. His mind was drifting with waves of absentry as the alcohol coursed through him. Cody had been so aggitated today, so cruel. Ever since that kid had mentioned Carissa...

Andrew remembered her, the days when she was always around and Cody had been more his old self. They'd still beat on people, but nothing like now. It used to be so simple, so easy. But when Cody had started hitting her, when he had pushed her too far... Thats when andrew had started drinking, to hide his fear, his own hurt. How long had it been since he'd gone a day without a drink? He couldnt remember.

After Cody's mom had started working, and his dad started drinking and cheating, they'd made their pact. They would be there for each other, no matter what. Andrew lifted his hand, looking at the barly visable scar. They were blood brothers, eternal friends. He couldnt go back on a promise that deep, but he couldnt stop himself from worrying about where this was going.

Drake had tried to kill himself, same as Carissa. They'd gone too far when they started tying the kid down, but when Cody had pulled out that blade... Cody never used to carry a knife. If something didnt change, then there would be no covering this up. At least two other people knew about them, what they were doing. If anything happened to Drake, then they were all going down.

Andrew mentally weighed the options, disliking either of them. He could say nothing, and keep following Cody like the others. But that might end with more blood then they could hadle, he knew that he couldnt. There wasnt enough rum in the world to ease his mind as it was. But if he stepped away from the group, if he tried to help Drake, then he'd be betraying his closest friend. Cody had saved him from his own attempted suicide, despite being the reason behind it.

Sure, Cody could be cruel, but he was just messed up from the way he lived. If he tried, he could get better, back to the way he'd been. Andrew didnt mind being hit, not anymore, but he couldnt watch Cody fall into ruin this way. He didnt want anymore of that kids blood on his hands. He took another long drink from his glass, trying to chase the thoughts away.

He knew that Mike was afraid of Cody too, how far this had gone, but Paul... Paul would follow Cody into hell and back. He didnt have a conscience, at least, not that any of tem had seen. He craved Cody's approval, probably because his parents ddnt care about him. They hoit him, so when Cody hit him, it was no big deal. But when Cody praised him, it was as if nothing in his life were wrong.

The only person Paul cared about was Cody. When Carissa had made Cody angry, Paul helped to dicipline her. When Cody and paul were together, planning, they were the scariest thing andrew had ever known.

He took another drink, frowning at the empty glass. He didnt say anything as he went to the kitchen, pouring more rum then coke into the glass. Cody's parents would be home soon, hopefully, when Cody didnt have the house to himself this would stop. He didnt have the courage to stand up to Cody, he knew that. Andrew went to take another drink, catching a brief glimpse of his reflection in the dark liquid. He didnt like what he saw there.

~.~

_~...And it's been awhile Since I've seen the way the candles light your face  
And it's been awhile But I can still remember just the way you taste...~_

cody sat on the floor, hunched over old photographs. He could still remember her smile, the warmth of her skin, her laugh. Carissa had been there to fill the void in his life after his parents started fighting. His mom would leave for weeks at a time for work, because she couldnt vare to be in the house anymore. His dad would drink until all he felt was hate and contempt. When he was being ignored, when his father hit him to quench the disdain coursing through himself, carissa was there.

Everything about her had been perfect. She'd been too good for him, and he would have destroyed the world to please her. She'd been so sad when they met, her heart so broken. _Parker... _He'd hurt her, and he deserved whatever he got for making her cry.

Cody remembered the first time he hit her, the horror he'd felt, the power he'd tried to shy away from. It had happened when his dad started cheating on his mom, when he thought that what little he had left of a normal life would dissapear. Carissa didnt want to make out, she thought he'd leave her, just like Parker had.

He'd been so full of rage. He loved her too much to be compared to _him_. when she started to pull away, to distance herself, he couldnt control the rage. He'd hit her so often that the make up was almost falling off as she piled it on to hide the bruises. When she wouldnt look at him, he really lost it. Those eyes, those beautiful orbs of pure saphire, when he couldnt look into them anymore he felt an emptiness that he chouldnt chase away with hurting anyone else. He hated when people didnt look at him, his parents, his friends, carissa... When they stopped caring, stopped noticing that he was there...

The things he and Paul had done to her when she'd said it was over still haunted him. The way she had screamed and begged for them to stop. There had been so much love in his heart, but in that anger he stopped feeling it. He'd called her a whore, and he had believed those words. She was like his father, going to someone else when he wasnt enough. She'd talked about parker so often, went to his shows despite the way he'd broken her heart.

_~...And everything I can't remember As fucked up as it all may seem to be, I know it's me  
I cannot blame this on my father He did the best he could for me...~_

After the abortion, she'd tried to kill herself. Cody hated the guilt, so he let it go. It wasnt his fault, it was hers. It was parker's. Cody knew that he'd hurt her, but it wasnt his fault. When his father was mad at him, he felt that anger, learned from it. If he had to learn that way, so did the others.

When his mother went away, his father drank. He went about town with his many mistressess. Just like Parker. Cody didnt blame his father for his upbringing, the rage that he harbored. He welcomed it, like the warm embrace of a parent that he'd forgotten. But when he saw Parker, when he remembered Carissa, all he could feel was hate.

But through his actions, his father had shown him how to use that hate, manipulate it, and the people around him. It wasnt too hard, just a right choice of words, the perfect dosage of anger.

Cody knew that Paul shared some of that hate. He'd cared about Carissa once, and the last girl he'd loved had left him, running off with Parker only to have her heart broken. They'd vowed then that they would make him feel every bit of pain that he'd inflicted upon the girls theyd loved. Paul would do anything he asked, go as far as needed. Sometimes, Cody thought that he was the only one he could fully trust, the only one who truly understood.

_~...And it's been awhile Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do  
And it's been awhile But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you...~_

Cody turned toward Paul, smiling lazily. "Hand me my phone."

Paul smiled back, anxious to see what Cody had in mind. He hadnt shared his plan with them yet. He handed the small cellular phone to Cody, looking over his shoulder as he searched through the contact list.

Cody let the highlight bar linger, his mind settling on what he wanted to do. There had all ready been so many mistakes made, and he knew that the loose ends couldnt be severed. They'd been found out, and soon, it would be over for them. But he wouldnt just sit calmly and wait for the end. He wanted revenge, and he refused to stop ontil that need was satisfied. No more games, no more wasting time. It'd been to long since this had started, so long.

He closed his phone, smiling at the others. They were all watching him, waiting. it was too late tonight to do anything. "We make the call in the morning. It shouldnt take much to get parker to come out of his house, then, we finish this."

"What about school?" Mike asked, trying to see past the haunting smle on Cody's face.

"It doesnt matter. We dont need to go tomorrow." Cody said, turning back to his phone.

~.~

Josh stood next to Drake's bed, gently shaking him awake. He'd have perferred to let Drake sleep after the emotional stress of last night. Josh still couldnt belive everything that he had heard, the pain that Drake had been through.

"Hmm..." Drake rolled over, heavy eyelids lifting.

"Are you still up for going to the police after I get back from school?" josh asked softly, hoping that Drake would go. He was worried about his brother, the warning Carissa had given, the threat Cody had made.

Josh hadnt told Drake what Cody had said. Not about his threats to hurt Drake, and definitaly not about Cody's threats against him. If drake thought that He was in danger, Josh didnt want to think about it. Drake's determination to keep them safe had gotten him hurt, if he knew that Cody had threatened him, Drake would walk right into Cody's arms.

"I'll try." Drake said, half awake.

Josh offered a small smile, stepping away from Drake. "i'll see you after school."

"Mhmm." Drake sounded as he fell back onto sleep.

It was hours later when Drake was woken by the consistant ringing of his cell phone. He tried to ignore it, wanting to stay within the darkness of his blankets. He felt safe there, protected from the hoices he had to make. But it continued to ring, the rise and fall of every wail grating on his mind.

Groggily, Drake pulled himself out of bed and toward the couch where he'd left it the night before. He didnt look at the I.D. as he flipped it open and pressed it against his ear.

"Hello?" he mumbled, trying to supress the yawn.

"Morning Parker."

Drake was instantly awake, his hands shaking as he looked around the room desperatly. He was alone. "What do you want?" He asked, trying not to sound as afraid as he felt.

"Didnt you get my message?" cody asked, the smile on his face audible.

"What message?"

Cody chuckled. "I told your brother to tell you, that if you didnt come out of hiding, 'd hurt him. Didnt he tel you about the knife?"

Drake felt his heart pounding against his chest. Josh hadnt said anything about a knife... Why would he keep it a secret? After Drake had opened up to him, told him everything? "What do you want?" Drake whispered.

"I want you to come outside, and come ith us. We've got unfinished buisness Parker." Cody said cooly.

"I cant." Drake said, trying to calm his nerves. They were outside, and he was all alone.

"You'll do what i say, or I'll go to the school, and I'll kill your brother. I could have killed him yesturday, it wouldnt be hard."

"Okay..." Drake replied softly, whiping away the tears that had formed in his eyes. "I'll come, just leave Josh alone."

"You've got five minutes." Cody growled before hanging up.

Drake let the phone plumet to the floor, feeling his gut fall with it. He could refuse to go outside, call the cops and hope that they got to the school fast enough to save Josh, but if they were to slow... Drake couldnt let Josh die because of him.

With trembaling hands, Drake pulled the razor from its hiding place in the couch and slipped it into the pocket of his jeans. Then he picked up his cell phone. The only thing he could think to do in his panic was text josh. Josh, who'd been there for him when he needed to talk, who'd seen the monster, who knew that fear. Josh, who hadnt told him everything...

_'I'm sorry_.' Was all he could bare to type as he closed the phone, letting it clatter against the carpet noiselessly. Drake took a deep, shuddering breath and headed for the door, all the while his hands shaking, his mind screaming at him to just wait and hide.

He could see Cody's car, the grinning faces pering out its windows. He put on his bravest face as he walked out into the sunlight, toward the creatures of his nightmares. He didnt say anything as the back door of the car was opened, as Cody roughly grabbed his arm and pulled him in. Drake looked back at the house, his mind screaming. _ Josh, help._

~.~.~.~.~.

**Disclaimer:** The lyrics to _Its been awhile_ belong to Stained.

**A/N:** The idea for this song came about wile I was talking with Trikkster about Cody, and the others. I was listening to it, and, just really wanted to use it for this chapter. This chapter took a few days, its long, and it finally sheds a bit more light into the characters, most importantly, Cody. It also finally gave Drake the chance to talk about whats happened, and to try and find a bit of peace... A lot went into this chapter, time, thought, so I'd love to know what you guys think. About whats happened, about Cody, andrew, everyone.

Glory Carpio: Update times vary, though I try to get them up quickly. We have one computer in our apartment, my fiancee os a gamer, and i work a lot, so i do what i can when the time presents itself.


	18. Twenty Minutes

Twenty minutes. That was how long it had taken Audrey to run to the grocery store to pick up the things she needed to make Drake's favorite dinner, and to drop his guitar off at the repair shop. She had tried to hurry, wanting to be there when he woke up so that they could talk. She'd been up late into the night, researching on the internet how best to talk to Drake. It made her feel like a terrible mothr, haveing to look up ways to talk to her son, but she hadnt known what else to do. Everything she'd tried had only seemed to drive him away.

She'd spent all morning thinking about the things she'd read, words from other mother's who had trouble talking to their own children, doctors advice. She'd read some truly horrible stories, but in her mind, what was happening to her son was so much worse. He was hurting himself, hiding so much pain that he wanted to die. She couldnt let him go further down that path, not when he still had so much life ahead of him.

She pulled into the driveway, her mind set to wake Drake up and talk to him while they were alone. She grabbed the grocery bags from the back of the car, fumbaling with her keys as she aproached the door. It unnearved her to find it unlocked. She was positive that she had locked it when she left. Wary, she pushed open the door, calling Drake's name as she stepped inside. There was no reply. She tried to shake off her unease as she slid out of her shoes, stopping in dread as she looked down. Drake's shoes were gone.

Audrey let the bags fall to the floor as she ran toward the stairs, calling her son's name as she tried to tell herself that nothing was wrong. She held her breath as she came to the boys' bedroom door, hesitating to open it. If Drake wasnt there she didnt know what she would do. She let the breath out, feeling her head spin with dizzyness. Carefully, she turned the knob and opened the door.

He wasnt there! She stepped into the room, hurrying toward his bed, hoping that he was there, hidden underneath the sheets. The tears broke free as she pulled back the blankets, her hands shaking. _Drake... _With trembaling fingers she pulled her cell phone from her pocket, dialing his number. Audrey felt the dread drain the color from her face as she heard the ringing, followed it to where Drake had dropped his phone on the floor. She fell to her knees beside it and picked it up. She opened it, seeing the last outgoing message to Josh. _I'm sorry_.

Her mind raced with thoughts she didnt want to aknowledge as she pushed herself to her feet, running to every room in the house screaming his name. He had to be here, somewhere. She couldnt bare to think about what those words meant, what he was intending to do. She opened every door, searched every room until she found herself back at the front door. Audrey screamed in frustration, falling to her knees beside the discarded groceries. "Where are you?" She whispered desperatly as her entire body shook with fear.

~.~

Drake sat in the seat near the window, his eyes fixed on the outside world. He could feel his fingers knotting themselves together as the fear worked its way through him. He was terrified by where he was, who he was with. If he'd been a stronger person, he wouldnt have left the house. despite all of his fear though, all he could think about was Josh.

why hadnt he told Drake everything that had happened between him and Cody? He felt betrayed, like Josh didnt trust him with the truth. He'd told Josh everything, his darkest secrets all layed bare. He'd trusted Josh, and josh hadnt trusted him. That hurt more then the memories, more then the fiece fear that was gnawing away at his forced calm.

Drake couldnt stop the yelp that escaped his mouth as Cody suddenly grabbed his wrist, yanking at his sleeve to look at the gash. He could feel Cody's nails breaking the skin as he held his arm, ripping the bandaging away to look at the wound. drake was terrified by Cody's curiousity, by the twisted grin that spread scross his face as he gazed into the cut.

"You were stupid," Cody said cruely. "To think you could get away that easily, to even try." Cody twisted Drake's wrist, showing the cut to paul. "Look at it!"

Paul smiled, gazing into the seperation of skin, the blood seeping out from the stiches as Cody twisted Drake's wrist. "Stupid kid." Paul said softly through his smile. "I bet it still hurts." he mused as he rached over Cody, pressing his thumb against the stiches until the bleeding increased and Drake was crying, biting his lip to keep quiet.

Cody laughed as he released Drake's arm, watching as he cowered against the locked door. "You're gonna wish you'd never done that." he said, looking down at Drake's bleeding wrist.

It was everything Drake could do not to scream. He didnt want to be here. Why hadnt he just waited for someone to come home? He hated the way he didnt think things through, how quickly he made decisions. If he';d have just thought, then tis wouldnt be happening. "What are you going to do to me?" he asked, voice quiet and shaking.

Cody grinned lazily, glaring into Drake's eyes. "You wanted to die, didnt you?"

Drake wished he hadnt asked. He wrapped his arms over his chest, feeling his ribs ach with every shuddering breath. He could feel the razor in his pocket, pressing against his leg, reminding him that it was there. He tried to calm his nerves, to think. He needed a plan, a way to save himself, because there was no one to save him.

~.~

Josh was sitting in class waiting for the day to be over with. Most days, time seemed to fly by, there was never enough of it. But today, every minute ozzed by like sap climbing down the bark of a tree. Slow, meticulous. He tapped his pencil against his notebook, trying to focus on what Mr. Roland was saying. They had a test comeing up, and he needed to know what to be preparring for.

But there was no focus in him. All he could think about was Drake. All he could feel was the gnawing worry that had left him shaken and scatterbrained. He shouldnt be here, taking notes and ignoring his teachers. He should be home, with Drake. Protecting him, helping him to tell the police what had happened. Drake was afraid to tell, and after hearing everything that had happened, after seeing what Cody was like, Josh didnt blame him.

It worried him that he hadn't seen Cody in the halls that morning, that his friends hadnt been in any of their classes so far. Their absence was clawing at his mind, giving him over to worry as he tried to imagine where they were. He was worried about Drake, about what Cody had said. Josh knew that Drake was safe at hom with their mom, but he couldnt shake the feeling of dread that was creeping over him.

He was lost in his thoughts when his phone went off, shattering the concentration of everyone in the room. Josh stared down at his poket, unable to believe that he'd forgotten to set it to silent.

"Mr. Nichols?" Mr. Roland said, extending his hand to take Josh's phone.

Josh turned his eyes away from his teacher, embarassed, and pulled the phone from his pocket. He hesitated to hand it over as the screen told him who the message was from. _Drake!_

Mr. Roland noticed Josh's shock and glanced at the name on the screen. He, like the other teachers, knew what had happened at the Nichols/Parker household. He shook his head, sighing. "Go ahead and read it." He said softly, seeing the gratitude in Josh's eyes.

Josh opened the text, his hands shaking as he read the two simple words. _I'm sorry_. What did that mean? So many meaning could be associated with those two small words, too many dark possibilities. Josh looked up at Mr. Roland, eyes desperate. "Can i be excused?"

Mr. roland nodded, seeing the urgent worry that had overtaken Josh. "Take the hall pass." he said, trying to sound comforting as he watced Josh jump out of his seat and rush out of the classroom, leaving all of his things behind. Once he was in the hall, he dialed Drake's number, pacing nervously through the rings. When there was no answer the panic set in.

Josh didnt care about the concequences of leaving school, about his perfect attendence. All that mattered right now was Drake, of finding out what that text had ment. Josh ran out of the school, nearly tripping over his own feet as he hurried to his car and climbed inside. _Please be okay_... he begged as his mind forced him to fear the worst.

~.~

Drake felt his will leave him as the car pulled into Cody's empty garage. The fear, the hurt, all of it had drained the fight out of him as the car stopped and he was pulled out and pushed into the house. He'd been there so many times he knew the way to the living room, knew what being there ment. He looked at the clean, nicely decorated room and wished that it was as ugly as the secrets that it held. At least then, it wouldnt seem like such an aweful lie to him.

He stood still in the middle of the room, remembering everything that had happened there. Trapped in that reverie, he didnt have to think of what might happen next. He was sure that he would die in this room, but if he focused on the past, then the fear of the future couldnt touch him.

drake stared out into the room with distant eyes, seeing through his surroundings. He wasnt there, not completly. He was at home, sitting on the couch playing his guitar while josh tried to do homework, Everytime Josh looked too determined to solve a problem, he'd strum just a little longer, making up rediculous lyrics to try and make Josh smile. Josh gave him that look, the one he had when he was trying to hid the laughter brewing within as he tried to focus. Drake smiled, inwardly laughing at the phantom image.

"Something funny parker?" Codu chided, pulling the bottle of whisky out from behind the couch. It was his father's favorite.

drake watched the image dissapear, slowly fading away to reveal the reality he was trying to escape. He didnt respond, only shook his head and cst his eyes toward his shoes.

Cody twisted the cap off of the bottle, taking a long drink before thrusting it into Drake's hands. "Drink up." he ordered.

Drake shook his head, trying to hand the bottle back. There was no one to help him, if he wanted to survive, he had to help himself. He tried to deny the fear inside of himself, to overcome it. But everytime he looked at Cody, saw that cruel intent radiating from him, all Drake could do was withdraw into his mind.

Cody growled, grabbing drake's arm and forcing him to hold the bottle. "I said drink it!" he shouted. He needed Drake to drink it, to be more like his father. A drunk, a breaker of women's hearts. Everything he hated.

Drake dropped the bottle, eyes widening in terror as it began to spill into the carpet.

Cody went wild as the precious liquid soaked nto the carpet. "Hold him down." he grunted, falling to his knees to save what whisky he could.

Drake felt himself pushed to the floor, on his back with paul holding down his arms. He nit his lip as Paul intentionally gripped the bleeding cut, pressing on it until the pain was like fire. Cody moved closed to him, grabbing his hair to hold his head back. Without warning, Cody forced the bottle into Drake's mouth, grinning as He coughed and choked on the burning liquer.

Cody pulled the bottle away and forced his hand over Drake's mouth, preventing him from spitting it out. He looked into Drake's eyes. watching the tears fall as he forced the whisky down. When cody was sure that Drake had swallowed all of it, he moved his hand, his soft laughter hidden by Drake's violent caughs.

Drake tried to pull his arms free from paul's grasp, feeling the warm blood smear across his arm. He blinked back tears as his throat burnt, his head swam with sudden dizzyness. He hated alcohol, the airless feeling that overcame him. "Please..." He muttered weakly. "Please just let me go."

"Get the duct tape." Cody grunted, looking at andrew. He didnt like when Drake begged, the grating sound of his voice against his ears irritated him. His father never sounded so pathetic.

Adnrew grabbed the tape from the junk drawer in the kitchen, hesitating to bring it out. It was one thing to hurt the kid when he could defend himself, but four to one, when he couldnt move, it wasnt right.

"Andrew!" Cody's voice drifted loudly from the other room.

Andrew shook his head, grabbing a beer from the fridge before heading back into the living room. He handed the roll of tape to Cody, refusing to look at him.

Cody snatched the tape away from Andrew, breaking off strips and forcing them over drake's mouth. Two, three, four strips to finally quiet the whimpering. He tossed the roll to paul, watching him catch it with ease. "Get his hands."

Paul smiled, roughly flipping Drake onto his stomach and jerking his arms back. Drake screamed in protest, trying to pull his wrists free from paul's grasp as he felt the tape being wrapped around them. He dropped his head in deafeat when paul finished, pulling idly at the bonds in vain.

"This aint right." Andrew said sodtly as he drank heavily.

"What?" Cody turned sharply, glaring eyes like daggers.

"It aint right.' Andrew raised his voice. "Its four to one,"

"You've never had a problem with that before." Cody snapped.

"The kids defencless." Andrew took another drink, trying to draw courage from the enebriation. "It never used to be this way, tying them up, it aint right."

It was paul who jumped to his feet and hit Andrew, sending him stumbaling back. andrew desperatly fumbled with the can of beer as he stepped back, the force of the blow sending spots across his vision. He watched helplessly as it fell, bouncing slightly off of the carpet, its precious content sprinkaling out.

Andrew fell to his knees and picked up the can before too much of it could spill, holding it tightly in his hands. He tured his scared eyes to Cody, hoping for any kind og help as Paul stepped closer to him.

"Do it." Cody said, vioce soft but cold.

"With pleasure." Paul smiled, decending upon Andrew with cruel purpose.

He only hit Andrew three times, but each hit had been hard, and carefully placed to insure the deepest pain. Andrew's eyes never left Cody, the hurt within them obvious. He trusted Cody, if it had been cody hitting him he would have understood. But Paul, paul showed no affection for him, only delight in the pain he was causing. Whenit was over, Andrew sat in the corner, silent and drinking another beer. Then another. Anything to take his mind away from what was happening.

Drake's muffled screams echoed against the walls as Cody hit him. He didnt listen to the words Cody said as he hurt him, he just focused on the pain, riding it to try and kep himself present. He was terrified of blacking out, of what might happen when he slipped into that darkness and became completly defenceless. His vision exploded as Cody's foot conected with his arm, the crack loud in his ears.

drake pulled his legs as close to his chest as he could, wincing as his arm moved, as his ribs ached. The darkness was creeping across the edges of his vision as the pain became everything to him. All that he could feel, all that he could think about. He caughed beneath the tape covering his mouth and swore he tasted blood.

Cody laughed mockingly as he circled him, using his foot to uncurl him and leave him open. He brought his foot down upon Drake's cest, feeling the rib shift as it was broken. The muffled scream that followed sent chills down Cody's spine. He watched the color drian from Drake's face, the detail ooof his eyes fade as he inally gave into the pain and passed out. ]

"Weak..." Cody spat at Drake before stepping toward andrew who sat as far into the corner as he could, shaking. "Whats wrong with you?"

"This aint right..." Andrew repeated, cradleing his beer. "Your gonna kill him."

"I know." Cody smiled, the sight haunted Andrew.

"We cant kill him, theres no cover up for murder."

"Dont listen to him." paul chimed, stepping forward to stand beside Cody. "He's scared, weak. Andrew's always been a weak link, an alcoholic, like your dad."

Cody turned toward Andrew, a distant, hurt look in his eyes. He'd never taken in just how much Andrew drank. "Why?" Cody demanded, hurt. "Why do you wanna be like them?" He glanced at Drake.

Andrew shook his head, afraid to say anything.

"Make him prove his loyalty." Paul whispered, glaring at Andrew.

Cody nodded. "Do it Andrew, or dont you honor our pact anymore?" Cody held up his hand, the identical scar gleaming softly.

Andrew stood on shaky legs, silently begging forgivness as he kicked the unconcious boy hard in the leg, bringing him back to conciousness.

Drake groaned, feeling the sting in his leg. Andrew had hit the razor, imbedding the end into Drake's leg. Drake roled on his side, hoping to hide the bleeding, and the razor from view.

Paul watched Andrew carefully, unconvinced. "Harder." he said the word with force.

Andrew looked to Cody, hoping that paul's order would be dismissed.

"Do it." cody echoed.

"Im sorry." Andrew mouthed the words so that they wouldnt be heard. He knew by the look in Drake's eyes that he understood, and closed his eyes as he kicked him again, hitting his broken arm.

It was everything that Drake could do not to pass out again. His vision blurred, and mix of dark pain and tears. He begged them to stop, though the words were formless. He thought of josh, of his promise to protect him and let his head fall against the carpet. He knew that josh couldnt save him, and let the shattered promise go on labored breaths. It hurt to breath, to keep living seemed like a worse punishment then the undeserved beating.

Momentarily satisfied, Cody and the others went into the kitchen. They all wanted a drink, maybe something to eat as they let the sweat dry. Cody wasnt done yet, and Paul wanted to make sure no one got too tired. He wanted Drake to suffer, for making them hurt Carissa so long ago, for taking the woman he'd loved and hurting her. He didnt care about Andrew's sudden conscience, or Cody's revenge. This had never been about what Cody wanted, not to him. It was just easier to use Cody, because the other two would follow him.

In twenty minutes they'd hurt the kid, gave him a taste of the pain that was to come. They had time, time to make him hurt, to make him regret everything he'd ever done. Paul wasnt going to stop at hurting him. With these injuries, they'd never get away with what they'd done. People knew, which meant that when they found his missing, the cops would know. He wasnt going to let anyone stop this, stop him. Not Andrew, not cody, and certainly not the police. Paul swallowed his shot, smiling at the empty glass. even without its dark liquid, the glass was full. Full of hurt, full of intention. He'd have his revenge before this was over. He was going to kill drake parker.

As soon as he was alone drake struggled to push himself up. He gritted his teeth against the pain as he used his bound arms and throbbing legs to push himself, hoisting himself into a sitting position against the wall. He watched the passageway to the kitchen, making sure they werent coming back out as he struggled to reach into his pocket. The pain of moving his arm was unbearable, but he forced his determination to keep him concious.

drake bit his tongue to hold back the yelp as he fumbled with the razor, pulling it out of his leg, then his pocket. He felt the sharp edge slice into his palm as he held it tightly, hiding it behind his back to try and cut through the tape holding him. He knew that he needed to be quick, because he'd only have one chance to try and escape.

He cursed the blood from the cut on his palm as he felt the blade slippping in his grip. _Please, _He begged it. _Please dont fall._ It was the only friend he had in this place, if it betrayed him too, he didnt know what he'd do.

~.~

As soon as Josh was away from the school he called home. He wanted to believe that he was overreacting, that Drake was home eith their mom. He wanted to believe that the text had meant that Drake didnt want to go to the police. Josh could handle that, he could work with it. But Cody and his gangs absence was tearing at his hopes, breaking them down. He was afraid for Drake, then a new fear crossed his mind. As the phone continued to ring, as no one answered. _Mom.. . _

He knew that Cody was determined to get to Drake, and she was the only person at home with him. Josh could feel the fear forcing tears to his eyes as the phone continued to ring. "Please, pick up." he shouted at the phone, the worry raising his voice to a near scream.

Finally, the ringing stopped. He heard the hard breathes come across the line, the sniffles echoing against the static.

"Drake?"

"Mom!' Josh sighed, temporarily relived. That relife soon evaporated. She had hoped he was Drake... "Mom, where's Drake?'

She paused, trying to stop crying. "I hoped that he was at school..." She said softly. That though had been the only thing keeping her from breaking. "I hoped that he'd gone to see you..."

"Are you okay?" Josh asked, knowing it was a stupid question. She was crying, but as long as Cody hadnt hurt her he could breath.

"I'm scared." She admitted, hating to seem so broken down to Josh. She needed to be strong for her children. "i was only gone a few minutes, but when i got home, he was gone."

"Its gonna be okay." Josh said, pushing back his fear as determination set in. "I'm going to find him. I think I know where he went, if they hurt him, I'll kill him..." Josh hadnt meant to say it aloud, to worry her, but all he could focus on now was the anger coursing through him.

"What are you talking about?" Audrey asked, voice shaking. "Do you know where he is, Josh, Answer me!" She was pleading, afraid for Drake, afraid for josh. "Whos they?"

"I'm gonna bring him back mom, I promise." Josh didnt wait to hear what she'd say next. He hung up the phone and turned the car. It's been almost twently minutes since he'd recieved the text from Drake and He needed to know where Cody lived, and there was only one person who could tell him. He didnt have time to waste. Carefully, he searched the recent calls in his phone, finding the number that he was suppossed to loose. He didnt want to bring Carissa into this, to hurt her, but all that mattered to him now was saving Drake.


	19. Betrayal

**A/N**: Guess who finally has spell check? This girl!

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Josh hesitated for only a moment before hitting call. He didn't know if Carissa would help him, especially after she'd told him not to call again, but he was desperate. Every minute that passed could mean death for his brother, and he refused to let that happen. He focused his mind on driving as the ringing grated against his nerves, it wouldn't help to be frustrated when she answered.

_If she answers... _Josh thought as he turned the corner and parked the car. He was too distracted to drive safely, and he was no good to Drake hurt.

"Hello?" Carissa's voice drifted over the line.

"I'm sorry," Josh fumbled over the words. "I know I wasn't supposed to call you again, but its an emergency."

"I don't want to talk to you anymore." She growled. "I told you what you wanted to know, now leave me alone."

"he has Drake." Josh shouted before she could hang up. "Cody has Drake, please, I need to know where Cody lives. Just tell me that, and I promise I'll never call you again." He didn't care how desperate he sounded.

Carissa sighed heavily, hesitating to tell him what he wanted to know. "Are you sure that Cody took him?"

"Positive. Please, Carissa, he'll kill him." Josh begged.

"I know." She replied softly. "Do you have a pen and paper?" She felt her heart ache as she prepared to betray Cody one last time.

"Thank you." Josh said gratefully as he grabbed a napkin from the glove compartment and scribbled down the address.

"Please, don't call again." Carissa said, her voice straining as she tried to keep back the tears. "I, I hope that you find him in time." She truly did. She knew what Cody was capable of, Paul too. If they were still together, then Josh didn't have much time.

'So do I." Josh whispered, hanging up the phone. Before he started to drive again, he deleted her number, keeping his promise.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Drake had managed to cut though a few layers of the tape binding his wrists when Andrew and Mike came back from the kitchen. He froze, not wanting to be discovered as he watched them move about the room. Mike stood in the corner, looking at him distastefully as Andrew flopped down on the couch, a tall dark glass in his hands. There was pity in Andrew's eyes, so much the opposite of the others.

They could all hear the low whispers coming from the kitchen as Cody and Paul tried to decide what to do. Though they couldn't understand the words, every one of them knew what was coming. Mike didn't want to go to jail over the kid, he had a life ahead of him. Sure, he'd enjoyed the beatings, the hurt he'd felt, but it wasn't worth the jail time he'd serve when they were caught. This was what Cody wanted, and he'd made his promise, but he didn't trust Paul.

Paul had been too eager to hurt since Carissa had left, and Cody loved it. They were more like buddies now then they'd been before, and Mike was sure that it had to do with Drake. Paul had adored Carissa, and when she left, after the and Cody had nearly killed her, Paul had done everything possible to cozy up to Cody. It had always been suspicious to Mike, but he was sure Cody suspected, he wasn't stupid.

Mike glared at Drake with hard eyes as the boy sat quietly in the corner. All bound and helpless, he didn't look like much of a threat, there was no fun in any of this. The kid was broken, and he definitely wasn't worth the trouble they were looking at for what they were doing. He took long, heavy steps toward Drake, his fist shaking as he spit at his feet.

"I hate you." Mike whispered, hitting Drake in the face. He didn't care about their reasons for hurting him anymore. Now, he was consumed with hate for the fear that was creeping over him. "You ruin everything, everyone around you. Do you even care that we're all probably gong to jail?"

Drake knew that to try and answer would be pointless, so he let his head fall against his chest. His silence earned him another smack, his body hitting the wall with the force of the blow. He felt the razor slip from his already loose hold on it, falling soundlessly to the floor.

"Stop that." Andrew said, looking nervously toward the kitchen. When he saw that the others weren't coming, he slipped off of the couch to check on Drake. That was when he noticed the blood on Drake's hands.

Drake saw Andrew's eyes widen and knew that he'd lost his chance at escape. Once the others knew what he'd been trying to do, they'd hurt him, worse then they all ready had. He tried to hide the fear from his own eyes as Andrew looked into them sadly. He reached behind drake, picking up the razor and carefully slipped it back into Drake's hands. Drake's eyes did the questioning for him as he looked at Andrew, receiving only a quick nod in response. Drake nodded back in thanks as he went back to work cutting through the tape. If he made it out of here, he would be sure to thank Andrew.

Andrew wiped Drake's blood off of his own hands and moved back onto the couch, drinking heavily from his glass. If Cody knew what he'd just done, he'd do more then feel betrayed. He'd be furious. But Andrew couldn't just sit back and watch this happen anymore. He couldn't do much to help the kid, out of fear, long held loyalty, but he could give him what he needed to try and help himself.

It wasn't long after that that Cody and Paul reentered the room, their eyes passing over everyone and settling on Drake. They both wore similar, hauntingly twisted smiles as they stepped forward in almost perfect unison, standing over him and looking down.

Drake had never felt so small in his life. Looking up at them, he felt like a small animal, caged and about to be beaten for barking too loudly. He began to cut slower, trying to assure himself that they wouldn't notice. He could already feel the tape loosening, giving his wrists a bit more flexibility. The pain in his broken arm was screaming at him to stop, to just let it hang still.

"Bet you're in pain." Cody taunted. "I bet you wished that you'd never messed with any of our girls, never been born."

Drake nodded, blinking back tears. The pain was intense, and the adrenaline was the only thing keeping him conscious.

"make him suffer." Paul's eyes gleamed. "for us, for Carissa. He deserves this Cody, you know it."

Cody smiled as he knelt in front of Drake, pulling out the switch blade from its hiding place in his pocket. "After were done with you, were gonna go after your brother. You shouldn't have told him Parker, you should have kept him out of this."

Something within Drake snapped as Cody mentioned Josh. They'd all ready hurt him, but he wouldn't let them go after josh. Drake gripped the razor tightly, ignoring the sting as it cut into his flesh and pulled at his wrists. The pain in his arm shot through him, sending spots across his vision, but he pushed through it, tearing the remaining tape away.

Drake ignored the pain and dizziness that passed over him as he swung out at Cody, the razor held between his fingers. He heard the shattering roar of anger as he cut Cody's face, saw the blood spring forth in an angry rush. He didn't stop to observe, however; drake pushed himself to his feet and started to run. He cursed the pain in his leg as if dragged, slowing him down.

"Grab him!" Cody shouted, his hand over the cut on his cheek.

Drake didn't make it far before Mike grabbed hold of his broken arm, twisting it violently behind him in an attempt to keep him still. Drake swung out with his free hand, dragging the razor over Mike's arm. Mike cursed loudly, pushing Drake to the floor and turning his attention to the cut on his arm.

In seconds Paul had a hold on drake's arms, holding them against the floor to prevent him moving. Drake screamed against the tape still covering his mouth as his broken arm throbbed. He'd lost his chance to escape, but at least, he'd hurt them. He could take some small comfort in that.

Cody stormed forward, glaring down at Drake with pure, unadulterated hate. He stepped over the defenseless boy, dropping down and letting his full weight hit Drake's stomach, leaving him breathless and choking for air. Cody tangled his hand in Drake's hair, forcing his head back into the floor as he held his blade over Drake's exposed throat.

Cody watched with dark eyes as the blood from his cheek dripped down onto drake's face, falling alongside the frightened boys tears. "You stupid bitch." Cody growled as he pressed the blade down, drawing forth a trickle of blood.

The sudden ringing of Cody's cellular phone broke the tension in the room, bringing everyone's attention to him. He released Drake's hair, keeping the blade at his that as he dug through his pocket. "Not a sound." He commanded at Drake. Cody's breath froze as her voice came over the line.

~.~

Carissa paced around her room, ignoring the limp in her left leg. The doctors had told her that she would probably have it the rest of her life. She could feel the tears burning in her eyes, but refused to let them fall. She was done crying over Cody, what he had done, who'd he'd become. It had taken so long to put him behind her when the things that he'd done stayed with her every day. Haunting her.

She stopped in front of her dresser, tenderly tracing the scar across her chest where Paul had cut her. He'd been in love with her, even if Cody hadn't seen it, she had. Paul had been jealous, but he hid behind the mask of friendship, stayed close, waiting for their relationship to fail. When she and Cody had started fighting, it had been Paul who tried to comfort her, all the while telling Cody that she was up to something. When she had tried to tell Cody that Paul was up to something, he'd hit her. He didn't want to listen, to think that his friends were against him. When Cody trusted someone, he trusted them completely. The thought of one of his best friends conspiring against him had sent him into a rage.

It wasn't fair! She'd tried so hard despite the phantoms to forget him. She wanted to move on with her life and leave the darkness in her past. That was why they moved, why she'd changed her name and left everything behind.

She hated Josh for finding her number. Just when things had been going good for her, he'd called and shattered all of her attempts. Now all she could think about was Cody, the pain of loosing him to his jealousy and rage. The Baby that had been ripped from her uterus and the scars she'd carry for the rest of her life. The limp that had destroyed her dreams of becoming a dancer. Her nightmares had come back, and with them every horrible memory that she had wanted to be rid of.

She understood that josh was worried, and honestly, so was she. Drake had broken her heart, but she'd known that it might happen from the beginning. She wasn't stupid, she'd known how quickly he changed girlfriends. But there had been no hard feelings when they'd broken up, just teenage tears. Cody had never seen it that way though, and she supposed, it had something to do with Paul, and his father. Cody hated his dad, the way he treated his mom and their marriage. If Cody had taken Drake, then he meant to kill him.

Carissa rested her head in her hands, ignoring the twin scars on her wrists. Despite everything, she still loved Cody, the Cody she'd known in the beginning. Telling josh where he was was a double edged sword. Drake would hopefully be saved, but she'd betrayed what little was left between herself and Cody. She'd traded his vengeance for Drake's safety, and Cody would truly hate her for it. She'd chosen Drake's life over him.

She sighed heavily as a tear broke free, sliding over her paleing face. Without thinking, she pulled her cell phone from her pocket, dialing from memory a number she'd hoped that she had forgotten. As it rang she cursed herself. For betraying Cody, and now betraying herself.

"Hello, Cody." She said softly.

~.~

Cody felt his hands shake as her voice filled his ears. "Carissa..." he said her name so affectionately.

"I know what your doing Cody, and you need to stop. It wasn't Drake's fault that I left, he didn't do anything wrong."

"Your wrong." Cody said, a bit of his former anger returning. "He's just like dad, he needs to be punished."

"He isn't your father. Please, Cody, I know that you know this is wrong." She begged.

"Why are you taking his side?" Cody snapped, glaring down at Drake. "Do you still love him?" he demanded.

"No!" Carissa exclaimed, afraid that she was doing more harm then good. "I still love you." She fell silent at the confession.

Cody shook his head, unable to contain his frustration. "You're a lying whore." His voice shook. It'd been so long since he'd known sorrow, felt the tears stinging his eyes. His heart ached against his chest as he gripped the phone.

"Did Paul tell you that?" She asked bitterly. "He's not your friend Cody, why can't you see that? It wasn't Drake that came between us, it was Paul, his jealousy..."

"Shut up!" Cody Shouted, the blade pressing harder against Drake's throat. "Your lying, just like before. I know who I can trust, I'm not stupid." He glanced at Paul, seeing the smile on his lips. Paul wouldn't betray him, he was his friend.

"You're not stupid Cody, but all of this hate, it's keeping you from seeing the truth. He's using you."

"I'm going to kill him Carissa, your little boyfriends dead for what he did to us. For everything. I don't know why you called me, did you want to hurt me one more time? To betray me and set me against my only friends?"

Carissa felt the sobs rising in her throat as she shook her head. "I'm sorry..." She whispered. "I, I told him where to find you, he's coming to save his brother." she couldn't help but tell him the truth. It hurt to have him yell accusations at him, to be so cruel.

Cody dropped his blade, his hands shaking. So she had betrayed him, just like before. "Paul told me that you were a treacherous snake," Cody said coldly. "I should have known that after betraying me once, nothing would stop you from doing it again."

"He's lying to you." she said harshly despite the tears. "You're just to blind to see it."

"Don't call me again Carissa, I don't ever want to hear your voice again." Cody hung up the phone and let it fall to the floor. All the things she'd said had to be lies, but her voice had been so sincere. Cody looked at Drake, the thin lines of blood beading out from his throat, the tears in his eyes. This was what he wanted, no one was making him hurt Drake.

Cody looked over at Paul, watching as he pressed his thumb into the cut on Drake's arm, bleeding it. Paul wanted to hurt Drake, same as he did. Drake had stolen his girl, same as he'd done to Cody. They were friends, allies against evil. Paul followed his commands, not the other way around.

Cody pushed himself to his feet, looking around the room at his friends. "Bind his hands, we've got to go."

"Why?" Paul asked, adding pressure to Drake's broken arm. "What did the little bitch say?"

Cody looked at Paul sharply before stepping forward and slapping him. He didn't know what compelled him to do it, but he held his hard gaze. "Because I said so." He said authoritatively.

"Fine." Paul hissed, violently jerking Drake around and flipping him on his stomach. "I need the tape."

"Get it for him mike." Cody commanded, moving toward the kitchen to grab his keys.

"Sure." mike grunted, grabbing the roll and handing it over. "whats going on?" He asked, hoping he wouldn't be hit.

"She told his bother where we are, he's probably on his way now." Cody's voice shook as he remembered everything Carissa had said. He poured himself a shot, letting the bitter liquid distract his racing mind. She'd betrayed him, then she had dared to tell him that one of his closest friends was doing the same.

Drake listened to Cody's words as Paul jerked at his broken arm, making sure that it hurt. Josh was coming! Josh would come, and then this would finally be over. But if Josh came here, then they would hurt him... _Josh was smart, surly he'd call the cops? _Drake thought as he was forced to his feet. But josh was also impulsive... As much as he wanted to be rescued, if Josh was hurt because of him, he didn't know what he'd do.

Andrew pulled himself to his feet, his legs shaking. When he'd seen Cody pull out the knife he'd been terrified. He'd hoped that all the talk about killing Drake had been just that. He'd all ready seen more pain, more blood today then he ever wanted to see again. This was going to far, if they left with the kid, then no one would be able to help him.

Andrew took a long, heavy drink from his glass and cleared his throat. He was shaking, terrified of what his mind was telling him to do. "No." He said meekly, starring at Cody.

"No?" Cody asked, stepping toward him. "No what?"

Andrew glanced at Drake, offering him a quick, comforting smile. "This has gone too far, we aren't taking him out of here. If he dies, then we all go to jail. It ain't right, and its not worth the rest of our lives." He didn't like standing up to Cody, but he couldn't do this anymore. "Just let his brother take him, he, he needs to go to the hospital."

Paul threw Drake onto the ground, ignoring the muffled scream as he landed on his broken arm. No one was ruining this for him, especially an alcoholic with a sudden burst of conscience. He grabbed Andrew by the collar of his shirt, snarling. "Cody said were going, so quiet your cowardice and lets go."

Andrew turned toward Cody, his eyes pleading for help. "Cody," His voice shook. "Man, this cant really be what you want."

Cody turned away from Andrew, his anger growing. First Carissa had betrayed him, now Andrew. He glared down at Drake, settling his mind. "It is. Parker dies tonight, if you aren't with us, then you've betrayed our pact."

Paul grinned at Andrew, a menacing twist of the lips that no one else could see. "Looks like your out." Paul whispered as he pushed Andrew against the wall. "What do we do with him?"

"Leave him here." Cody said, his voice distant.

"He'll call the cops," Paul warned. "He doesn't care about what you're trying to do, about you."

Andrew's eyes widened as panic set in. "Cody," he called desperately, I'm your friend."

"Your no friend of mine." Cody whispered as he reached down and grabbed Drake's good arm, pulling him back to his feet.

Andrew blinked back the tears and closed his eyes. After all of these years, everything they'd been through together, it was that easy for Cody to turn him away. He gripped the glass in his hands, letting the alcohol spill out onto the carpet before he swung it at Paul's head, feeling the shards cut his hand. He could feel the alcohol on the glass stinging his cuts, its old comfort gone to him now.

"Get out of here kid!" He screamed as He swung at Cody, apologizing under his breath.

The force of the hit made Cody let go of drake, and in that moment Drake turned toward the door. He didn't know how he'd get outside, but he had to try. Without looking back, Drake stumbled toward the front door, desperately trying to get his bound hands onto the knob to open it. _Please.._ he begged as the blood on his hands caused him to loose his grip.

Paul turned toward Andrew, the hatred glowing in his dark eyes. It was easy for him to grab a hold of the drunk boy, to force him to his knees. "You've always been a weak link Andrew. Cody should have let you kill yourself."

Cody glared at Andrew, holding his throbbing cheek in his hand. "Why Andrew?" His eyes shone with anger and betrayal.

"Too far." Andrew said as he gasped in pain at the sudden twist of his arm. "This isn't like us, its gone too far." He couldn't stop the tears from falling, the feelings of guilt and weakness were drowning him.

Cody shook his head, turning his back on Andrew and Paul. "Take care of him, then get to the car." he said as he stormed toward drake, laughing coldly as he continued to try and open the front door. He grabbed Drake by the throat, pulling him toward the garage door. '"lets go Parker."

Drake tried to pull away from Cody, watching as the front door became farther and farther away. Josh was coming, Josh would save him, but if he wasn't there, how would josh find him? They went into the garage and Mike popped open the trunk of the car and helped Cody lift the struggling boy in. They couldn't drive on public streets with him bound and screaming in plain view.

Drake didn't want to get into the trunk. The moment he realized what they meant to do he panicked, kicking out and screaming desperately. He struggled as they lifted him and dropped him within the small space, slamming the lid and leaving him id utter darkness. The tears came violently as he pleaded wordlessly to ears that weren't listening. He was going to die, he knew that now, but he didn't want to accept it. Not like this.

Cody turned toward mike, his face regaining some of its former control. "Go get Paul."

Wordlessly, Mike complied.

Andrew didn't see the blade that Paul had hidden on his belt, but he felt it as it was thrust deep into his gut. He closed his eyes against the sudden pain, biting back the scream. He didn't want to give Paul the satisfaction of hearing it. He reached for the wound as Paul twisted the knife before pulling it out, the agony sending spots over his vision.

"Why?" Andrew whispered as he curled on his side.

"Because you were getting in the way. They deserve whats coming to them, both of them." Paul said, his voice empty of any emotion. He stabbed Andrew a second time, making sure the job was done before getting up and wiping the blood on his pant leg.

Paul didn't look at Mike as he entered the room, staring with concerned eyes at Andrew. "What the hell...?"

"He was going to call the police." Paul said, walking toward the garage door. "Lets go."

"Be right there." Mike called after him before running to Andrew's side. "Andrew? Hey, open your damn eyes." mike said, shaking him.

Andrew coughed, offering a worn smile. "It's okay, I'll be fine." he lied.

"Why'd you do it?" Mike asked, pressing his hands against the wounds in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

"Its wrong." Andrew whispered. "Please, Mike, don't let them kill the kid,. It ain't right." Andrew gasped, shuddering at the pain as he continued to bleed. "Promise me..."

"Okay," Mike said softly, grabbing Cody's discarded phone and handing it to Andrew. "Get help, if you die I'll never forgive you." Mike pushed back his tears, letting the anger evaporate them. "You're my best friend."

Andrew smiled, trying to hide the pain. "Go, before they get mad."

Mike hesitated, wanting to stay and make sure that Andrew would be okay. Andrew urged him on again, and slowly, he got up and ran toward the garage door, straining to hear Andrew's heavy breathing.

~.~

Josh parked the car and was out and running toward the front door in moments. He didn't have time to waste. Drake didn't have time.. Josh pounded angrily on the door, nearly yelling as he waited for someone to answer it. This was the address Carissa had given him, so why wasn't anyone answering?

Frustrated, Josh grabbed the knob and turned it, surprised when it opened. Cautiously, he stepped inside. The house was dark and silent, and he felt his gut sink. Maybe they hadn't come here?

"Hello?" He called out as he moved to shut the door. He felt the moisture on the inside knob, and stared at it in horror. There was blood on the door, a lot of blood. "DRAKE!?" Josh screamed as he moved farther into the house. The only response was some heavy coughing followed by raspy breathing. Josh followed that sound, his mind drowning with possibilities. If it was Drake, then at least he was alive. He has to be alive. Josh told himself.

He followed the sounds of life until he reached the living room. There was blood soaked into various spots on the carpet, and it reeked of liquor. Then josh saw Andrew, and despite how he felt, ran to his side. His mind was a mix of anger and worry as he saw the blood on his clothes, his hands.

"Where's Drake?' josh demanded. "Is that his, blood?"

Andrew drew in a deep, shuddering breath. He was unnaturally pale. "The old warehouses. They left.. ten minutes ago?" Andrew knew he had to speak, to tell Josh where Drake was, but he was so tired.

"Is he alive?" josh asked, dreading the answer.

Andrew coughed violently, his entire body shaking. "I tried... to help." Andrew closed his eyes, his breathing slowing to a near stop.

_No! no! No! _Josh panicked and grabbed his cell phone. He jumped to his feet, trying not to look at the blood on the floor, on the door as he waited for an operator to answer.

"911 whats your emergency?" The woman's voice sailed across the line.

"My brother's been kidnapped, one of the guys is dying, he needs an ambulance." Josh stumbled over the words as he ran toward his car. He knew that he should make sure Andrew was okay, but Drake needed him.

"Where are you?" the woman asked, her attention fully on him.

Josh repeated the address to her twice, making sure she had it right before telling her what Andrew had barley been able to tell him. She told him to wait, not to go to the warehouses, but Josh didn't listen. As soon as the phone was closed he started the car, peeling out into the street and racing toward the place they'd taken Drake. All the while praying that he wouldn't be too late.


	20. Truths be told

Despite the way the car shook his body, banging him about and sending waves of pain through him, Drake had somehow managed to drift into light sleep. He was mentally, and physically exhausted. Alone in the dark, the adrenaline has slowly left him, and in its place was utter misery. The pain, that alone could have sent him into sleep just to cope. But his mind couldn't handle any more, so it had shut down.

They'd all ready kidnapped him, beaten him to his breaking point, and now, they were going to kill him. He didn't know where he was being taken, and after the initial fear of being locked in the trunk, he'd made himself stop caring. Better not to think of what was coming. As he had drifted off, his body numbing itself to the constant abuse of the moving car, he thought of home. Not as it had become, but as it had been, back when he had been himself. Those distant, warm memories had calmed his fear, and allowed him to let go of everything.

Drake didn't dream as his mind wandered, and he was okay with that. He let the darkness cradle him close, took comfort in the nothingness that consumed him. It was the only thing that gave him the will to try and survive anymore.

He stirred as the car came to a stop, his body laying still for the first time in what felt like ages. He could hear their low voices drifting through the car, but their words were lost to him. _Good,_ Drake thought, cringing at the pain of breathing. He didn't want to know what they were planning. He felt fresh tears slid over his chapped cheeks as he accepted that josh wasn't going to save him. How could he? They'd left the house, and now, there was no way of knowing where Cody and the others had taken him. No one knew where he was, so no one could save him.

He'd lost his only hope for escape when they'd taken the razor from him. Looking back on that moment, Drake shuddered. It had felt good to have control for those few moments, to hurt Cody. After all that Cody had done to him, at least he'd been able to return some of the pain.

His mind drifted into dark depths as he listened to the car doors open and shut. He should have known that he wouldn't be able to get free, even with the razor. There were four of them, even if Andrew had been taking his side, he never would have been able to get past all of them. Drake thought of the razor, his old, comforting friend. _I should have killed myself..._ he thought grimly as he heard them approaching the trunk. _At least then, it would have been my choice, not theirs. It wouldn't have hurt..._

Drake's eyes closed against the sudden burst of light as the trunk was opened. He cracked them open, letting his eyes adjust little by little until finally, he could open them without it hurting. Cody and Paul were standing outside, staring down at him. Both of their faces were twisted in cruel, power hungry grins.

Paul reached down into the trunk, making sure to grab Drake's broken arm as he pulled him up and hoisted him out of the trunk. Drake screamed against the tape covering his mouth as the pain in his arm ripped through him, sending a jolt of adrenalin through his awakening body. All of the pain was back, stronger then it had been before.

"Lets go, kid." Paul muttered as he forced Drake's shaking legs to move forward.

Drake looked at his surroundings as Paul lead him froward. They were about thirty minutes from Cody's house, in the old warehouse district. The jobs had gone out from here about a year ago, and now it was just a party place for teenagers. It was too early in the day for any of them to be there though, they were still at school. Drake nearly feel over his own unsteady feet twice, imitating Paul and earning him hard, quick slaps to the face. They stung, but he refused to let himself cry. He was so tired of crying.

Cody and Mike were only a few steps behind, watching intently as Paul maneuvered them around the nearest building, making sure to be out of sight should anyone chance to drive by. In the shadow of the building, Paul threw Drake against the ground, kicking his broken rib.

Drake could taste blood as he coughed, wincing as he swallowed it. He stared up at his tormenters, wishing that they'd be quick. He didn't want to be in pain anymore. He didn't want to die, not really, but as far as he could tell, there was no way around it. He was alone, with three people who hated him and no one knew where he was. He breathed as deeply as his ribs would allow, trying not to let the rasping of his breath resonate. He wanted to at least seem strong, he didn't want to cower anymore.

~.~

Josh tried to ignore the ringing of his phone as he drove. He didn't have time to mess with it, couldn't spare the concentration. He'd never been to the old warehouses, but, he had an idea as to where they were. If he had any hope of saving Drake, he needed to be quick.

After it started ringing for the forth time, however: he couldn't stand it anymore. Annoyed, he snatched the phone from its place on the passenger seat and flipped it open, growling an angry hello.

"Whats going on?" Meghan's voice came over the line, just as annoyed as his.

"Meghan?" Josh pulled the phone away from his ear, checking the caller I.D. "What do you want?"

She scoffed, letting her anger show. "whats going on?" She demanded. "Mom just had me pulled from class, she's coming to get me."

He thought about lying to her, but he knew that she'd see right through it. He'd answered the phone, and not to happily. "I'm going to get Drake." Josh gritted his teeth. He shouldn't have gone to school, he should have made sure that Drake was safe. He felt stupid, for thinking that after Cody's threat Drake would be okay. For not having been suspicious when Cody wasn't at school.

"What happened?" She asked, her tone making it clear that anything other then the truth would result in serious injuries.

"They took him." He replied honestly, gripping the wheel harder with his free hand. "I don't know how they got to him, but they took him," He exhaled, feeling his anger grow. "They're going to kill him."

There was silence over the line, which made josh uneasy. Meghan was never silent in the face of bad news, unless she was planning something. He didn't want her involved in this. Meghan was tough, but these guys were ruthless.

"Where?" The one word sent chills down josh's spine.

"The old warehouses." josh replied. "I've called the cops, and I'm almost there."

"Be careful." She said without thinking. She knew Josh, and while his intentions were right, she was afraid that he'd make the situation worse.

Josh smiled despite his anger. He was sure Meghan didn't realize how caring the words had come out. It was, adorable. "Don't worry about me." he said softly. "I cant stay on the phone." He said as he turned into the driveway, its parking lot empty save for one car.

"Bring him back alive." Meghan warned, her voice buzzing with anger and concern.

"i will." Josh promised. "Look after mom, she must be terrified."

As soon as the line went dead Meghan searched through the numerous contacts in her phone. The police would be there before she could even try, but she knew people. Not even the confines of a prison cell would be able to protect the people who'd taken her brother. And if they hurt Josh as well, then they'd wish they'd never crossed her family.

~.~

Cody watched Paul kick Drake's broken ribs, heard the moist cough from behind the tape. This was it, the moment he'd been waiting for since Carissa had left. It seemed so long ago now, the night she'd said it was over, when he'd lost all control of himself. She'd nearly died, and then, she'd tried to kill herself. Paul had told him that she'd had an abortion, that Drake had gotten her pregnant and abandoned her. Drake had taken everything from him, his girl, his friends. He had to pay.

"Back off." he ordered Paul, ignoring the anger on his face. "This is my vengeance."

Paul scoffed, taking a hesitant step away from Drake. He'd let Cody have his moment, but he refused to give him the prize.

Cody pushed Paul to the side, irritated at how slowly he was moving. He didn't like the way Paul had been taking over since they'd grabbed Drake, and after talking to Carissa, he wasn't sure what he felt about his friend. Paul had always been there for him, had always complied, but today, he was trying to take the control, the fun, for himself. He didn't want to believe Carissa, not after she had betrayed him, but just the sound of her voice had overwhelmed him.

Cody kicked Drake in the back as hard as he could, his fists clenching. "I hate you Parker. I HATE YOU! Did it feel good to hurt her, to take her away from me?" He kicked Drake again, watching him curl up to try and protect himself. Cody's hands were clenched so hard that his untrimmed nails were cutting into his palms. He felt the blood on his hands and his anger grew.

Cody dropped to his knees, knotting his fingers in Drake's hair to force him to keep eye contact. "You drink, and you hurt everyone around you. Your family is suffering, but I don't think you care, do you _Drake_?" He spat Drake's name like it was poisonous.

Drake had never once heard Cody say his name. It hadn't occurred to him until then, and the sound of his name on Cody's lips scared him. His neck ached as Cody forced his face forward, the hungry look in Cody's eyes sent a new fear through him. Drake didn't want to die, not now, not like this. He pulled at the tape binding his wrists, riding the adrenalin drenched waves of pain as they crashed through him. He took strength from that pain, because as long as he could feel it, he was still alive.

Drake's head snapped back as Cody slapped him, bringing forth his full concentration. He did his best to glare at Cody, to show him that even bound, he wasn't going to die without a fight. It took everything he had not to pass out as he denied the pain of moving to bring his leg up and kick out at Cody. He screamed as Cody fell back, ripping out strands of his hair.

"Fuck!" Cody yelled, glaring angrily at Drake as he pushed himself back up. He pulled the blade from his pocket, holding it in front of Drake's eyes. "You just cant wait to die, can you?"

_Not like this_. Drake told himself, hiding the fear that had his heart racing. He knew he couldn't do much, bound and all ready so hurt, but he had to try. Maybe it was just the adrenalin whispering in his mind, but he refused to just lay back and die like a coward. He was tired of being scared, of letting himself be hurt.

"Cody..." Mike found his voice, let it out. "Man, think about this. If we kill him, we'll spend a lot of time in jail." He'd promised Andrew he would keep the kid alive.

Cody shifted his vision to mike, staring at him angrily. "I don't care. He's taken everything from me! My life, Carissa, even Andrew. I wont loose anything else to him."

"He didn't kill Andrew." Mike said, glaring at Paul. "Paul killed him. And Paul drove Carissa away."

"What are you talking about?" Cody asked sharply. _He's using you... _Carissa's words echoed through his mind, sinking in. "Andrew isn't dead."

Mike shook his head, tears threatening to fall. "He stabbed Andrew, left him for dead."

Paul stepped toward Mike, fist clenched. "he's lying Cody. He's weak, like Andrew was."

"Was?" Cody stared at Paul, his hands shaking. Cody pushed himself to his feet, his mind racing. "What do you mean was?"

Paul smiled darkly, his hand reaching for the blade in his pocket. "Andrew was going to call the police."

"Did you kill him?" Cody shouted. Paul wouldn't betray him, Paul was his friend.

"I'm sure he's still breathing." Paul said, his lips twisting into a cruel grin. "I just needed to keep him quiet. _You_ told me to take care of him."

"I meant for you to tie him up or something, He's our friend, one of us." Cody couldn't handle what he was hearing. He felt confused, betrayed. The feelings were unwelcome.

"You said that he wasn't your friend, you turned your back on him." Paul replied coolly. "I did what was necessary."

Cody was shaking, with hate, with uncertainty. The conflicting thoughts and emotions within him were tearing him apart. He couldn't shake the things Carissa had said from his mind, Mike's words were just as strong. "Why did you do it Paul? I thought that we were in this together."

Paul laughed, throwing his head back. "Are you really going to believe him?" he pointed toward Mike. "Or that lying whore?" Paul snarled, stepping forward. "We both want to see Drake suffer, to kill him. I've been waiting too long for this to let Andrew's conscience stop me."

"So you killed him?!" Cody gasped, gripping his blade tightly.

"What does it matter?" Paul grinned. "We're still getting what we want. If Parker hadn't been such a bitch about it all, Andrew wouldn't have turned on you. I'm on your side Cody, I always have been."

Cody shook his head, banishing the tears before they could fall. He looked from Mike to Paul, unsure of who he could trust. "Are we?" He spit. "or are you using me?"

Paul shook his head. "We're wasting time. We can deal with all of this after I kill Parker."

"I'm going to kill him." Cody snapped. "This is my revenge. I'm the one who's life he ruined."

Paul was loosing his patience. If Cody lost his faith in him, then everything he'd been planning would be destroyed. The seeds of doubt had been planted in Cody's mind, and he could see them taking root. "Then do it." he challenged.

Cody looked at Drake, his anger wavering. He wanted this, he'd been telling himself that forever. He stepped over Drake, his blade held tightly in his bleeding hands. "You deserve this." he growled, trying to pull his emotions together.

Drake closed his eyes, waiting for Cody to kill him.

"Stop!" Josh had rounded the corner to see Cody standing over Drake, blade in hand. In that glance any plan he might have had faded away, overtaken by fear. Even from a distance, he could see that Drake was hurt, his arm was bent as an awkward angle, and there was blood on his face. He'd been gagged and bound,_ Those bastards!_ If they were going to fight him, they should have made it a fair fight.

All Josh could think about as he ran forward was saving Drake. He didn't care what he had to do, if he got hurt, as long as he saved Drake, it didn't matter.

Drake's eyes snapped open as he heard josh call his name. He turned toward Josh's voice, relief and worry flooding through him. Josh was here! Josh had come to save him1 The worry overpowered his relief when he heard Cody curse under his breath, stepping away from him and watching Josh. In a panic, Drake tried to yell warnings to Josh. As much as he wanted to be saved, he didn't want to see Josh hurt, especially over him.

Josh stopped a few feet away from where Drake lay on the ground, panting heavily as he tried to catch his breath. Seeing Drake so hurt, so afraid crushed his heart. "Let him go."

Cody laughed, running his empty hand through his disheveled hair. "How'd you find us?"

"Andrew." Josh replied. "You almost killed him, just because he wanted to help Drake."

Cody turned toward Paul, seeing the anger on his friends face. "So you did try to kill him!"

Paul flipped open his own blade, snarling toward Josh. "Yes, I did. I wasn't going to let him get in the way of My revenge. That's right Cody, _MY_ revenge. This has never been about you, or your petty hatred. _I _wanted Drake dead, _I _made you think I was on your side to get what I wanted." Paul laughed sinisterly.

"You were supposed to be my friend!" Cody yelled, feeling the anger pump through him with every beat of his aching heart. "Did you lie to me about him," He pointed his blade back at Drake. "About Carissa?"

"You were never good enough for her." Paul;l spat. "I mean, what kind of life could you give her? Your family is broken, and your just like a lost puppy. From the first time you hit her, I knew what I had to do. You're pitifully easy to manipulate." Paul grinned, taking another step forward.

Cody shook his head, not wanting to accept what he was hearing. He couldn't handle the chaotic cocktail of emotions ripping through himself. Everyone he'd ever trusted had lied to him, Andrew, Andrew was dying because he'd refused to believe him. "Parker didn't get Carissa pregnant, did he?" Cody growled, his hands shaking.

Paul smiled, remembering the way she had felt beneath him. "No, but I wanted you to believe he did, to fuel that anger inside of you. It was so easy Cody, to use her, to use you."

Cody lost all control and lunged toward Paul, swinging his blade angrily. He didn't want to believe the things that Paul was saying, couldn't handle the truth. Everything he'd known had been a lie, constructed by the one person he'd trusted most.

Josh took advantage of their distraction and ran toward Drake, pulling him into his arms and holding him protectively. He cringed as Drake groaned from beneath the tape. Carefully, Josh pulled the tape from Drake's lips, eyes widening at the blood.

"I'm gonna get you out of here." he said softly, trying to comfort his brother.

"Josh..." Drake couldn't form words as he let himself cry.

Mike stepped toward Josh, hesitating as he saw the anger in the other boys eyes. "Is Andrew okay?"

"I don't know," Josh confessed. "He didn't look good when I left, but I called the police."

"I promised him I wouldn't let them kill your brother." Mike said softly, kneeling down beside the brothers. "You need to get him out of here."

Josh nodded in silent thanks, turning his attention back toward Drake. "We've got to go." He looked at the tape around drake's wrists, there was a lot of it, and it was covered in blood. He didn't know how he'd get it off.

Cody's blade feel to the ground as Paul swung at his arm, slicing him just above the wrist. He watched Paul, waiting for the right moment to go for the fallen blade.

"You've never been good at anything." Paul said, mimicking his fathers words. "Now step aside, like a good boy and let me finish what I started."

"You're not my father." Cody growled, his eyes radiating hurt and hatred.

Paul chuckled, pushing past Cody and moving toward the others hunched on the ground. "I should have known you were too much like Andrew." He said to Mike, rolling his eyes. "Move aside, before I stab you too."

Mike shook his head, pushing himself to his feet. "Get your brother out of here." He yelled at Josh, raising his fists. He knew that his chances weren't great, but he wasn't fighting for Drake, he was fighting for Andrew, for Cody. He moved toward Paul, carefully aware of the blade being swung at him. Paul had twisted all of their minds, he'd broken the pact. Mike hated him for it.

Paul dodged a hit coming for his face, taking a quick step forward and striking mike hard in the chest with his fist. He used mike's temporary daze to knock him over, laughing as he fell and pointing his blade at his throat. "Stay outta my way." Paul snarled, turning toward Josh and Drake.

Josh had managed to get Drake to his feet, but they hadn't gotten far. He'd been unable to get the tape off from Drake's wrists, so he was doing all he could just to keep Drake balanced. Josh saw Paul coming, and stepped in front of Drake. 'Stay away from him." He said angrily.

"Heroics disgust me." Paul spat. "I can kill him and let you live, or I can kill both of you."

Josh shook his head, briefly looking over his shoulder at drake. "I'm not letting you hurt him anymore. Its over."

Paul shook his head, laughing. "Its far from over. But if you want to die, I'll grant you that. Its the least I can do." He held his blade out, his eyes focused on what he wanted.

"Run." josh whispered to Drake, unable to look at him. He didn't want Drake to see the fear beneath his anger.

"Not without you." Drake pleaded.

"Please," Josh begged, trying to keep his voice strong. "Get out of here, the police will be here soon. I can hold him off that long."

Paul lunged toward Josh, taking advantage of his distraction. Josh caught sight of him and brought his arms up, screaming as the blade cut through his arm, missing his chest. Josh stepped back, trying not to look at the blood.

"Josh!" Drake screamed, violently pulling at the tape on his wrists. He felt so powerless as he watched Paul go after josh again. This was all his fault, and there was nothing he could do to help.

Cody grabbed his blade, careful not to attract Paul's attention, and moved toward drake. No one was watching him, they were all focused on the fight between Paul and Josh. He grabbed Drake;'s arm, pulling him against his chest and pressing the blade against his throat. "Its over Paul."

Paul and Josh stopped fighting, eyes focused on Cody. "Its not over!' Paul yelled. "You don't have it in you, you never really did."

Cody could feel his hand shaking as he tried to set his mind. He'd wanted this, had planned it out and drempt of it. The knife was positioned, the final goal was at hand, but he couldn't do it. He could still hear Carissa's words fresh in his mind, and he knew that she was right. Paul had made him want this, had made him step over the lines to get revenge for things he didn't know were true anymore. How much of it all was true, how much was a lie?

The tears in his eyes betrayed everything he'd believed he felt. Cody hated it, the emotions that he'd refused to feel rushed through him, confusing him. He felt the blade slip from his hands, the sound of it hitting the ground breaking his thoughts. He could hear the distant wail of the police sirens. He pushed Drake to the side, stepping toward Paul. "Its over, all of it."

"I knew you wouldn't be able to do it." Paul snarled, slamming his full weight into josh and sending him to the ground. He didn't hesitate as he ran at Cody, plunging his knife into the broken minded boys stomach. He listened to Cody scream, taking pride in his tears. "You were always so weak." He whispered, pulling his blade out. He knew that he hadn't killed Cody with that blow, but it would be another scar that Cody would have to live with.

Paul turned toward Drake, kneeling down and grabbing him by his broken arm. "its time to die."

Drake hardened his eyes, feeling the fear knot his stomach. He swallowed it, giving Josh a brief, emotionless nod. "I'm not afraid of you." he said, closing his eyes as he felt the knife rip through his stomach. The burst of pain was unmeasurable, but he bit his lip, tasting blood as he refused to scream.

The screech of hastily stopping tires echoed against the abandoned buildings, the hurried footfalls sounding loudly in the shocked ears of the boys. Paul grinned, picking up his blade before he started running. He wasn't going down for this, wasn't going to let anyone lock him away. He'd won.

Mike ran toward Cody, his mind racing as he pressed his hand against the wound. "Cody?" His eyes widened, searching for any sign that Cody was okay. Despite Paul's lies, Cody had seen the truth, he'd made the right choice. Mike didn't care about everything that had happened before, Cody was his friend, had always been his friend.

Josh crawled over toward drake, his mouth uttering words he couldn't form. After all that had happened, this couldn't be the end. Not like this. Josh grabbed Cody's fallen blade, hastily sawing through the tape around drake's wrists and brought his brother into his arms. "Drake?" He finally managed words, though his voice was quiet.

"Its okay." Drake whispered. "I'm not afraid of them anymore." He cringed at the pain of moving his arm, at breathing.

"I know." Josh said through tears. "You were really brave." He offered a comforting smile, though felt no joy. He could feel Drake's body shaking in his arms, his blood soaking into his shirt.

"I'm sorry you got hurt." Drake shuddered. "I didn't want you to get hurt, that's why, why I went with them. I'm sorry josh."

Josh shook his head, his vision blurring with the assault of tears. "Its okay, it doesnt hurt." josh lied. "Drake..."

"I don't want to die Josh." Drake said softly, his own tears coming stronger. He wanted to hear that everything was going to be all right, to feel something other then fear and pain. "I don't want to die."

"You're gonna be okay." Josh said, voice shaking. "I promise, just hold on a little longer."

"It hurts Josh, I'm so tired of hurting." drake closed his eyes, burring his face in josh's chest. "I don't want to die..." he whispered as the pain, the exhaustion finally overtook him.

Josh felt Drake go limp in his arms and he screamed. "DRAKE!?" He moved Drake, looking at his closed eyelids, listening to the shallow, ragged breathing. "Drake, please wake up,." _Not like this, please, not like this_.

The police rounded the corner, looking with uncertainty at the scene before them. "Hands up1' They yelled, moving closer to the boys.

"Drake," josh looked down at Drake, then to the police. "Please, you've got to help him!" He begged through tears and distress, never letting go of his hold on Drake. "Please!' he yelled hysterically. "Don t let him die, he cant die, not like this!"

An officer stepped forward, checking Drake's pulse before scooping him into his arms. He couldn't look at josh as the boy begged him to save his brother.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

**A/N:** So, wow. Chapters 18 - 20 were originally going to be one chapter, but i broke them up and i belive that it was the right choice. A lot has gone down over these last chapters, and its been an emotional write. theres still more to come, but it would mean the world to me to know what all of you really thik about whats happened thus far. Its taken me days to write this chpater, and i'll try to have the next one up soon.


	21. Believe

It was like being in their bedroom the night Drake had attempted suicide all over again. Josh watched with distant eyes and empty emotion as the paramedics busied themselves around Drake, trying to get him to open his eyes, assessing the damage that had been done._ Broken arm, broken rib, punctured lung_... those were only a few of the words Josh heard the paramedics throwing at each other as they did everything they could to help Drake.

Josh had let them bandage the gash in his arm, he'd need stitches, but he wasn't worried about himself. All he could think about was they way Drake had cried in his arms, the way he'd cried as he said he didn't want to die. Almost a week ago, Drake had been ready to let go of everything, now, he was fighting to survive. It wasn't fair, Drake wanted to live, and Paul was taking that away from him.

Josh looked through the paramedics as they moved around in the small ambulance, his eyes never leaving drake, even when his sight was hindered. He'd seen the transition as the color had faded from Drake's skin, the forced rise and fall of his chest as they forced him to keep breathing. Every so often Drake would cough, and blood would splatter into the oxygen mask, causing josh's heart to skip a beat. They'd wrapped the cuts on Drake's hands, the opened gash on his wrist. The stab wound to his gut. There was so much blood that Josh was sure that he would pass out.

His mind wouldn't let him. He'd made himself empty to what was happening around himself to keep from crying, to make himself stay seated on the sidelines so that the paramedics could do their jobs. All he wanted was to be next to Drake, holding his hand and willing him to be okay. He'd promised Drake that he would be okay. The thought that the last promise he'd made might be the last he'd make tore at Josh. If Drake died now, what would he do? He couldn't begin to imagine life without his brother, couldn't bare to try. But it wasn't about him, it was about Drake. Drake's life was at stake, was slowly slipping away.

Josh reached forward, trying to stay out of the paramedics way as he lightly touched drake's hand. It was so cold. "Not like this." he whispered. "You've been through too much to die like this. Find that strength and hold onto it,." he begged, hesitating to move his hand as the paramedic asked him to stay back. _You can do this, you beat everything else. Please, don't leave me... _Josh thought as hard as he could, trying to send the words to drake as the paramedics fought to keep him stable.

The minutes dragged by painfully as they made their way to the hospital. It was everything josh could do to keep himself still, to try and empty his mind as his fears and grief crashed within. No one was talking to him. When he'd first entered the ambulance they'd had all kinds of questions, wanting to know how drake had been before passing out, how long he'd been unconscious. Now, they weren't saying a word to him. He didn't know what was happening with drake, and it was driving him crazy. He didn't care if they lied to him, as long as they told him drake would be okay, that he'd get through this. Josh just needed something to believe in as he waited, as he watched.

The moment the ambulance stopped all but one of the paramedics rushed Drake out and into the emergency doors. The remaining man stayed with Josh, helping him out to lead him to a doctor who could stitch up his arm. Josh panicked as he watched Drake disappear behind those doors, as he lost sight of him. Without thinking he tried to run after them, his tears finally breaking free as the paramedic held him back.

"He's my brother, I need to be there for him." Josh begged between sobs.

"He'll be okay." the paramedic said the words josh had wanted to hear, though it was evident that he didn't believe them. "Lets get your arm looked at." he said comfortingly, leading josh through the doors and down a busy hallway.

Josh didn't look at the doctor who came in to work on his arm. He barley flinched as he was given a shot to numb the area around the wound. With empty eyes he watched the doctor put in the stitches. Every pull of thread that brought his skin back together sent a wave of memories through him. He and Drake had drifted apart during the course of events that had brought them here, but they'd come back together in an attempt to heal. He could remember every word they'd exchanged as they fought, every emotion that had torn through him. The anger, the guilt. It had numbed him to what was really happening and pulled them apart. He could still hear Drake's breaking voice as he'd told him everything. As they'd come together to try and put a stop to all of the pain that had overtaken Drake's life. They'd been together in those final, breaking moments, holding each other up in the face of evil.

"Is Drake going to be okay?" josh asked the doctor as he finished with the stitches.

The doctor sighed heavily, putting away his tools. "I don't know." he replied. "He's with good men right now, and they'll do everything that they can." He dint know anything about the boys brother, but he couldn't in good conscience lie to him. He was unaware of the other boys condition, but from what he'd heard josh mutter absently during the stitching, it sounded bad.

"Can I see him?" Josh asked, eyes begging.

The doctor shook his head, wearily standing. "Not right now, but I believe that your parents are here." he offered a smile. "Would you like to see them?"

Josh nodded, afraid to speak anymore. As he followed the doctor through the halls he told himself that he'd be strong for his parents. They new less then he did, they hadn't been there. He told himself that he'd be their rock in this terrifying moment, hold them up as they all waited to know.

His reserve broke as he saw Audrey, the tears rolling down her cheeks as she and Walter ran toward him. He felt himself being pulled into her arms and held comfortingly, and he broke down into tears. "I'm sorry." He whispered, hugging his mother tightly.

Audrey shook her head, hesitantly pulling back but not letting go. "For what?" She asked through tears. "You saved Drake from them."

Josh shook his head, unable to look her in the eyes. He'd saved Drake from Cody, but not from Paul. 'I should have done more." he whispered harshly.

Audrey gripped Josh's shoulders firmly, looking into his downcast eyes. "You did everything that you could, and it saved his life."

"How do you know?" Josh asked, his voice quiet.

Audrey offered Josh a warm smile. She was very proud of what he'd done."I believe that Drake will be okay." She said. "All we have right now is faith, without it, we'll tear ourselves apart. Just believe in Drake, in his strength." She didn't know how far faith would take them, but it was the only thing keeping her together. As a mother, just the thought of loosing him was enough to send her into complete despair. She had to believe that he would be okay, that the doctors knew what they were doing, and were doing it right. If she lost that faith, and let the darkness in then she was admitting defeat, not only for herself, but for her son. "He'll be okay." She whispered, pulling Josh into another tight embrace, hiding her own tears.

When Audrey finally let go of him, Walter stepped forward. Like his wife, he pulled Josh into his arms and held him. He'd seen the stitches on Josh's arm, and he knew how they'd been earned. One of the boys, mike, had told the police everything. And in turn, when they'd arrived at the hospital the police had told them. "I'm so proud of you." Walter whispered, smiling down at josh. "It must have been terrifying, but you stood up to those boys and you held your ground. Without you, Drake wouldn't have made it this far."

Josh took comfort in his fathers words. He didn't know if he believed that he'd really saved Drake, but he appreciated the thought his parents had given. He knew that he;d done what he could, but until they knew for sure, he couldn't take credit for saving his brothers life. He'd believed that Drake was safe at home, and he'd left him there. That blind faith had allowed all of this to happen, and Josh couldn't forgive himself for that.

~.~

The next few hours were some of the hardest for the Nichols/Parker family. They alternated between sitting in the stiff lobby chairs and pacing the linoleum floors. Every so often a nurse or doctor would come out and reassure them that so far, Drake was alive. But they weren't sure just how long it would be until things were certain, when they'd be able to see him. No one wanted to talk about what might be happening, what the doctors would say when they finally emerged from the emergency room doors with the final verdict. Each of them clung to the belief that Drake would be okay, it was all they could do.

Meghan sat next to josh, her eyes occasionally falling onto the wound on his arm. She didn't know what had happened out at the warehouses, but she knew that Josh had fought to keep Drake safe. She respected him for that. In all the years she'd known josh, he'd always been so afraid of the things around him. He wasn't a fighter, he overreacted easily. But looking at him now, she saw a different side of him,. He'd been hurt trying to protect Drake, had rushed into certain death to bring Drake back.

Without warning, she wrapped her arms around josh, hiding her face as he looked down at her in surprise. "Thank you." She said softly. "For bringing him back. I was so sure that you'd make things worse, but you saved him." it was hard for her to say those words, to let go of her cold nature. She didn't know if Drake would be okay for sure, but like her mother, she had to believe that he would.

Josh shook his head, sighing heavily. "I didn't do enough. Paul got away, and he almost took drake with him. He still could..."

"Drake's too stubborn to die now." Meghan said lightly. "He's going to pull through."

Josh blinked back tears, trying to believe in her hope. She hadn't seen Drake, didn't know what condition he'd been in when they arrived. Drake was stubborn, but he was also afraid. He needed something to believe in while he was dying in Josh's arms, had depended on Josh telling him that he would be okay. Josh had believed himself when he'd been there with Drake, but now, after seeing the extent of the damage and watching the paramedics fight to keep drake alive, he didn't know what to believe.

If Drake could only be as invincible as they all believed he was, then Josh would fight logic and reasoning, and believe. He would drown his fears in hope, just to know that he would see Drake again, the way he'd used to be. It was hard, after everything he'd seen and heard to have belief in anything good, but for Drake, he would try.

Audrey looked at her watch every few minutes, watching as time slowly slid by. She knew that constantly checking how long they'd been waiting made it worse, but she didn't know what else to do. If she sat down, then all she could do was pray. When she paced, she felt the eyes of her family following her, they own worry growing as hers became more evident.

She wanted to storm into the emergency room and demand answers from every nurse and doctor that crossed her path. She wanted to look at her son, and know that he was alive. She believed in the doctors, in Drake, but not knowing was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to bare. Every ten minutes or so she found herself back in Walter's arms, crying and taking comfort in his belief that things would be okay. He didn't seem to have any doubt that things would turn out for the better, and she needed that support.

They were all sitting down when the doctor finally emerged from the Emergency room doors, looking worn down and disheveled. He stopped to say something to a nurse before approaching the family, all of them standing as they waited to hear the words that would either free them from their distress, or shatter their lives.

"Your son is alive," he said, taking in their collective sighs of relief.

Audrey and Walter stepped forward, mere inches away from the tired man. "Can we see him?" She all but begged.

The doctor took a careful step back, not wanting to alarm the family. "Your son has been through a very traumatic experience," he began. "There are countless bruises from the beating, he has a broken arm, and his previously fractured rib was broken, puncturing his lung. We've placed a chest tube in, to help him breath and allow built up fluids to drain, it'll remain there until were sure that it can come out. He's been given medication for the pain, so he may not be responsive. Luckily, there was no serious damage done where he was stabbed, but he does have stitches that cannot be stressed. He'll need to remain here for a few days for observation before he can be sent home. He's very lucky to be alive right now." The doctor said, offering what comfort he could. They'd almost lost him once during the procedures, but he'd held on and pushed through. "He's not out of the woods yet, but he's shown determination to live, and that's a very good sign."

"But can we see him?" Audrey asked again. She didn't want to be rude, but she needed to see Drake to believe the Doctor's words. To know that he was, for the most part, okay.

The Doctor nodded, understanding the families distress. "He's in the ICU, so for this first visit, we'd like to keep it short. He's in desperate need of rest."

Everyone nodded in understanding, following the doctor through the busy halls and toward the room where drake had been placed. The doctor stopped outside of a half open door, looking inside. "He's not fully conscious, but he might be able to hear you. It will be very comforting for him to know that you were here."

Audrey went in first, stepping carefully around the machines and monitors that were hooked up to Drake. She listened to the heart monitor, taking comfort in the steady sounds that assured her that his heart was beating. It broke her heart to see him so hurt, when just last night he'd been so okay. She couldn't imagine what had happened that day to leave him like this, but she hoped that the boys who'd done this to him suffered the consequences.

She wrapped her hand around his, shocked at how cold it was. She knew that he was fighting right now, could see the snuggle on the artificial calm over his face, but she believed that he could win that fight. She tried not to look at the tubes and monitors, but to only see Drake. "I know you're hurting," She said softly. "I know that you might want to give up, but, but you can't." Her tears were falling. "You have the strength to fight this drake, I know you do.

She let out a shuddering breath as she lovingly ran a hand over his face. "You were so brave, anyone else might have just given up. But not you." she closed her eyes, trying not to break down. "I know I wasn't there for you before, but I'm here now. I'm sorry, for not taking the time to listen before." It hurt to say those words, to admit to herself that she hadn't really been there for him. It'd been so easy to think that he was being rebellious, rather then see that someone as strong as he;'d always been was being hurt. "I love you. From the moment you were born, through all of the years you have left. I will always love you." She said, squeezing his hand as she hesitantly moved away.

Walter didn't have many words as he stood beside Drake, grasping his cool hand and holding in comfortingly. Just knowing that Drake was alive meant the world to him, helped him to believe on small miracles. "I'm proud of you." he said softly. "You stood up to them, and you stood by Josh. He wouldn't have been able to do it alone." he smiled, looking down at Drake's sleeping face as his tears welled behind his eyes. "I've never really known how to talk to you," Walter confessed, "But I want you to believe me when I say that I'm proud of you, that I love you."

Meghan took time to observe every machine, and every wound that had been inflicted upon her brother. She forced the tears to stay back as she walked up to him, taking his warm hand into her own and offering an old smile. She knew that Drake couldn't see it, but despite the state he was in, she was happy to know that he was alive. "You scared me." She said, her voice soft, yet stern. "I'm not scared of very much, but when I thought that you'd be gone, I was so afraid." her voice cracked. "It's not time for you to go yet, and if you die..." She couldn't continue the sentence. Drake was okay now, but his recovery wasn't certain. "You're gonna make it through this, and the guys who did this to you, will all pay. I promise." She said darkly. "believe me Drake, _he_ wont get away with this."

Meghan leaned forward, kissing Drake on the cheek. She couldn't remember ever having done it before, but she didn't want to risk never doing it. No matter how much he could annoy her, she loved him. He was her big brother, her awkward protector. He meant the world to her, even if she never let it show. She hated the tears that had broken free of her hold on them, how helpless they made her feel. She took a moment to calm herself and wipe away the tears before slowly leaving the room. She didn't care what it took, she would have vengeance, not just for herself, but for Drake.

Josh had read enough to know what every machine and tube was doing, and that knowledge hurt. He wished that he didn't know just how badly Drake was hurt, how bad things could still get. Upon first entering the room, he could do little more then stare at the equipment that was helping drake to stay alive, because he was afraid of what one mistake could mean.

His eyes traveled from the cast on Drake's arm to the small, paper thin cuts on his throat. He'd come so close to dying that it was unbearable to think about. The slightest bit more pressure, and he could be dead. If Andrew hadn't been there, if Paul hadn't lost his control over Cody, then Josh might not have been able to do anything. He wrapped his hand around Drake's, taking comfort in the warmth. It'd been so cold when they'd been in the ambulance that Josh had been sure they'd loose him.

"I'm sorry," josh whispered, his breaths heavy. "If I wouldn't have gone to school, then this wouldn't have happened. If you're mad at me, I understand. I practically let them take you, let this happen." Josh shook his head. When Drake was better, they could talk about all of the things he'd done wrong, They could fix the hurt.

"You're gonna be okay." josh said, putting all of his faith into the words. "You're gonna get better, and you'll get us into ridiculous trouble. We're gonna laugh," Josh stopped, unable to talk through the sobs that were working their way out. All of the hurt he'd tried to suppress before couldn't be contained any more. "I know it hurts now, but this cant be the end Drake, it just can't. You're too strong to give up now, believe me." Josh tried to smile, but he was afraid. "I'll be there for you, no matter what happens to you. Just, please, don't give up now."

It took everything josh had to step away from Drake. Every ounce of self control just to make the tears stop so that he could face his family, and look like he believed that Drake would be okay. They would never really know just how close they'd come to loosing Drake, would never know what it was like to hold him dying in their arms and listen to him beg to live. It was so much easier for them to believe that everything was going to be okay, and josh envied that, especially now.

~.~

Everything was numb, and that complete lack of feeling was terrifying. Drake knew enough to know that the numbness was for his own good, that it was to help with the pain, but not feeling it at all left him uncertain as to whether or not he was still alive. He'd been in and out of darkness for what felt like hours, hearing bits and pieces of medical talk. A voice had assured him that he would be okay, but he didn't know if he could trust it. Maybe he was dreaming? Maybe he was dying?

The last thing he clearly remembered was crying, letting go of all of his strength and turning to josh for help. He felt weak for begging josh to tell him he'd be okay, but the thought of dying terrified him. If the damage had been as bad as he'd felt, then he didn't want to know the truth. When he'd felt that blade trust through him, he was so sure that it was over... but he'd believed josh when he'd told him that he'd be okay.

Drake had heard everyone enter the room, though parts of their conversations were lost in the waves of passing consciousness. He'd wished he'd had the strength to open his eyes, to let them know that he was still there. They were all hurting so much, and he wanted to comfort them, like they were trying to do for him. He wanted to feel them next to him, to know that they'd really been there.

Drake tried to let his mind relax, to believe that he was alive and everything would be okay. He forced the recent memories away, and let his mind drift through better days, when life had been everything that it was made out to be. The smiles of his parents, the annoying pranks, the misadventures he and josh always manged to get caught up in. If he was dying, then those were the things he wanted to remember.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

**A/N: **I've been writing for about six hours straight, the emotion in this chapter just, it kind of destroyed me, but it kept me going as well. To have stopped would have destroyed it, I thin. I know that there isn't much action in this chapter, but this chapter belongs to the family, and mostly Josh. Because the bond between Drake and Josh is so important, and so strong, that I really felt it was important to capture the way Josh was feeling. I wrote this chapter while listening to _Thriving Ivory_'s _Angels on the moon_, and it really just makes it that much more emotional to me.


	22. moveing forward

Mike sat in Andrew's hospital room, trying to ignore the police just outside the door. He'd told them everything, so they had agreed to let him visit his friend. It pained him to see Andrew laying in the hospital bed, fighting the alcohol withdraws as best he could.

"I'd kill for a drink..." Andrew sighed, rubbing his trembling hand over his clammy skin.

"No more drinking." Mike smiled. "You don't need that stuff."

Andrew offered a tired grin, his expression quickly changing. "Is the kid alive?"

Mike shrugged his shoulders. "I think so. We aren't being charged with murder yet." He tried to joke, but none of it was funny anymore. The list of charges they were facing was serious. Assault, harassment, assisted rape, Kidnapping, and conspiracy to commit murder. Andrew was getting a reduced sentence for trying to save the kid, and Mike had been offered a lighter sentence for cooperating, but they were still in a lot of trouble. Cody and, Paul if he was caught would receive the harshest sentences.

'Thank you," Andrew sighed, closing his eyes. "For helping the kid."

"I didn't do that much." Mike said, taking his friends hand. "His brother did most of the work. If he hadn't shown up, we'd probably have another charge against us."

"But you tried." Andrew offered. "I can't believe that Paul was behind all of it. Cody must be devastated..."

Mike hadn't wanted to mention Cody to Andrew until he was feeling better. Cody was a wreck, and it hurt to see him that way. He was angry, confused and completely void of any trust. After Paul had turned on him, he hadn't known who to trust, if anyone at all. Cody, despite all of his strength, had always been deceptively fragile. He put all of his trust for people into the pact they'd made when they were younger, and knowing what Paul had really been like had broken him.

"He just needs time," Mike said absently. "if we stay by him, I think he'll be okay."

Andrew nodded, laying down. He was tired, but the vicious withdrawals had kept him from getting any real rest. He had a fever, and there had been numerous blackouts as he lay alone in the bed. He'd been told to relax, but his mind never stopped racing. He was worried about his friends, about Drake. He was glad that no one had died, but he felt terrible. They'd broken that kid down, treated his life like a game and almost killed him. They could never atone for that.

~.~

Audrey had been up early that morning, making breakfast and getting the family ready so that they could visit Drake. She'd all ready called the schools and informed them that none of the children would be going today. She tried to keep busy to avoid worrying. She'd been up most of the night worried about Drake, making sure that the phone was charged so that if there was any change, they would know.

After everyone had eaten, she ushered them out into the car. They were just as eager to go as she was, to know. No one spoke as the car traveled down the familiar roads, as their destination became all that they could see. Out from the vehicle they steps, their feet a chorus of light steps as they walked through the doors and toward the desk. The nurse smiled pleasantly, asking them to wait as she called the doctor.

The doctor from the previous night emerged from the doors, smiling warmly at the family. "Good morning." he called as he shook Walters hand. "You're son is doing fine." He assured them. "By tomorrow he should be fine to go home."

Audrey let the breath of relief ease through her lips, smiling. "Thank you. Can we see him?"

"Of course." the doctor smiled, leading them back through the halls and toward the boys room.

Drake looked up as the door opened, letting his fork fall against the platter of food he'd been brought. He didn't want the doctors to come back, because he was tired of answering their questions. How was he feeling today? Like he'd been beaten and almost killed. Every part of him hurt and he was exhausted. He knew that they were just trying to help, but he wanted to be left alone, just for a little while.

His glare softened as his mother stepped through the door, her eyes watering as she looked at him. "Drake..." His name was a breathless whisper on her growing smile.

Audrey stepped toward him, pulling him into her arms as she silently thanked the powers that be for him being okay. Holding him now meant everything to her, and she didn't want to let go.

"Cant breath," Drake whispered, trying to suppress the pain in his chest as she hugged him. He wanted to be there, safe in her embrace. It was the most comforting thing he'd felt since the day before.

Hesitantly, she pulled away from him, placing her hand against his cheek. "I'm sorry." She apologized, smiling. "I was so worried about you." In the haze of the previous night, she'd only noticed his larger injuries, but now, in the relief of his recovering she saw the bruises on his face where they'd hit him. The small lines on his throat where the blade had been held. It was terrifying to see just how close he'd been to death. Even the smaller injuries could have ended everything.

"I'm okay," He assured her, seeing her tense muscles relax as he offered his old, charming smile. "I'm alive." He said quietly, turning his eyes toward Josh in thanks.

"The doctor said that you can come home tomorrow." Audrey said, lightly touching his hand just below the end of the cast. "Are you feeling okay?" She knew the question was stupid, but she wanted to hear from him, and not some doctor, that he was okay.

"I guess." he said, not wanting to be cross with her. "It hurts, but they gave me medication."

"are they treating you well?"

Drake smiled, wanting to relieve her of the worry that was set in her seep eyes. "Yeah."

She smiled, relieved. "If you need anything at all, I can get it for you. I know how strict and uncomfortable hospitals can be."

Drake never wanted to forget that flash of mischief in her eyes. He chuckled softly, feeling the warmth of that content and happiness spread through himself. It'd been so long since he'd felt those feelings, and they were very much missed. "Thanks, mom."

for the next few hours they sat with Drake, talking about anything other then where they were and why. They wanted to cheer him up, because the hurt was still so evident in his eyes. When he was ready, they would be there to listen to everything, to comfort and help him through, but for now, they just wanted to keep him smiling. To keep his demons at bay until he was ready to face them.

When the nurses came to check on him and give him his medication they stepped into the hall, allowing drake some privacy. Josh shook his head as drake nonchalantly asked one of them for her number, sighing as he heard the giggle through the cracked door. It wasn't much, but a small part of the old drake was back.

They went to the cafeteria for lunch, and to let Drake rest when the doctor said that he needed some time alone. It had been hard to leave him, but seeing him smile had reassured them that he was, for the most part, okay. It had been comforting to see how different he'd been from the past few days, smiling and talking. It gave them hope that with time, everything could go back to normal. They picked at their food, none of them really wanting to eat. Audrey was anxious to get back to Drake, to keep assuring herself that he was truly okay.

"Meghan, sweetheart. Are you okay?" She asked after watching the young girl nod off a few times.

Meghan looked up at her mom with heavy eyes. She hadn't slept much that night. "Tired." She replied softly.

Audrey placed a hand on her daughters shoulder, smiling. "I'll take you home, so you can get some rest." She didn't want to leave, but she couldn't force Meghan to fight off the sleep all day. "Josh?" She asked, turning toward her son.

"I'm fine." Josh said absently. "I'll stay here, so Drake won't be alone when he wakes up." He offered his mother a soft, comforting smile. Until they forced him to leave, he wasn't going anywhere.

Josh waited until Audrey and Meghan left to walk back up to Drake's room. Looking across the hall, he made sure no one was going to stop him from going in before pushing open the door. Drake was still asleep, so as quietly as possible, Josh made his way over to the chair beside the bed and sat down. Drake had gained back some color, but without the sedatives, Josh could see just how miserable he was in his sleep.

Drake's mouth was twisted in an uncomfortable frown, his eyes squeezed shut, as if he were afraid. It broke Josh to see him that way. He reached out toward Drake's hand, trying to stop it from trembling. He was having a nightmare, and josh wanted nothing more then to wake him from it.

Josh jumped back as a pretty nurse entered the room, looking at him oddly.

"He needs his rest." She said pleasantly, approaching the bed and checking the monitors.

"I'm sorry," Josh said softly. "I just wanted to be here when he woke up."

"He's lucky to have someone like you." She replied as she copied down the numbers from the machines. "He's a very attractive young man." She said under her breath, looking at Drake's sleeping face.

Josh smiled. "Yeah he is," He shook his head when she looked at him. 'I mean, not that I think he's attractive, but, the girls do."

The nurse laughed. "I understand." She assured him. She placed a cup of water and a few pills on the table beside the bed. "Make sure he takes those when he wakes up."

"I will." Josh said, his eyes falling onto the pills. "for the pain?"

She placed a soft hand on Josh's shoulder, smiling brightly. "Yes. I think he'd like it better if someone else gave them to him."

Josh watched her leave, his eyes never leaving her slim, beautiful figure. She was gorgeous, and her warmth had settled his nerves.

"Did you get her number?" drake's dry voice startled Josh.

"Drake?" Josh looked at his brother, seeing the sly grin on his face.

"I want her number." Drake pushed himself up, looking toward the half open door. "I think she liked you."

Josh shook his head, willing the oncoming blush away. "She thinks your attractive." Josh said.

Drake smiled weakly. "Should have gotten a number."

Josh offered a smile as he turned toward the pills on the table. "You're supposed to take those." He leaned forward, picking up the pills and handing them to Drake.

"Thanks." Drake muttered as he swallowed the pain killers and leaned back against the bed.

"How'd you sleep?" Josh asked, seeing the discomfort on Drake's features.

Drake shook his head, bringing his right leg up and resting his arm on it. "Didn't really." he muttered. "Everything I close my eyes, its all still there. Cody, Paul, everything that happened. It just keeps happening over again, and until I wake up, it's so real I think its really happening all over again. I know its over, but the fear never leaves. Its like the pain, I keep taking things that will numb me to it, but its still there, waiting for the medication to wear off."

"They cant hurt you anymore." Josh said, reaching over and placing a hand on drake's arm.

"Paul's still out there." drake whispered, his eyes distant. "He'll come back..."

Josh understood drake's fear. More then once he'd thought the same thing, and it terrified him. "The police will get him, and even if he does try to hurt you, I'll be here."

Drake's eyes fell upon the stitches on Josh's arm, filling with guilt. "I dont want you to get hurt again, because of me."

Josh shrugged. "It doesn't hurt."

"That one might not, but the next time-"

"There wont be a next time." Josh tried to assure Drake. "Paul isn't coming back, you're safe now."

drake didn't respond. He knew that Josh was trying to make him feel better, but he was still afraid. Before yesterday, he had believed that Cody was the worst thing he'd ever encountered, but after seeing the change in Paul, having that knife inside of him, he knew how dangerous Paul was. He was more determined then Cody had been, and he wouldn't give up.

The knock at the door startled them both as the doctor walked in, frowning at the tension on both their faces. He stepped inside, looking over Drake. "How are you feeling?" He asked mechanically.

"Fine..." Drake muttered, trying to relax.

"The police are here drake, if you're ready, they'd like to take your statement."

drake's eyes widened as he looked from the doctor to Josh. "I thought Mike told them everything all ready?" He didn't want to talk about it .

"He did, but they need to hear everything from you, to make sure he didn't lie." The doctor placed an old hand on Drake's shoulder, trying to assure him that things would be fine. "it will be okay."

"I don't want..." Drake shook his head, clenching his fingers in the thin blankets. "Can Josh stay?"

"Of course." The doctor nodded, stepping back. "I'll let them in now."

When the doctor was gone, Drake turned to Josh with wide, trembling eyes. "I'm afraid."

"It will be okay." Josh said softly. "I'll be right here with you."

They watched as the officer walked into the room, nodding at both of them. He couldn't have been more then a few years older then they were. "Hello drake." he said politely, shaking Drake's hand. "I know that this may be hard for you, but it will help us to charge them if we hear everything from you."

"from the beginning?" Drake asked quietly, his eyes downcast.

"If you could." The officer smiled warmly.

"Its okay." josh said softly, trying to ease drake's anxiety. "I'm right here."

Drake nodded, taking several deep breathes before letting his mind wander back to that first day. With empty ease, he told his story. From the simple days where they would wait for him on his walk home, to the hidden beatings, rape, and kidnappings. He told him about being bound, about the threats they'd made on Josh's life. About everything that had happened at the warehouses until the moment Paul had stabbed him. It had been so much harder then when he had told Josh, made him feel so much weaker. This man, despite his good intentions was a stranger taking note of every torment that had pulled him into darkness. He wanted to take down the bad guys, he wasn't their to offer comfort.

When drake finished telling him everything the officer placed a warm hand on his shoulder, smiling. "You did very good." He said. "I know that it wasn't easy, but it will help us put them away. They wont be able to hurt you, or anyone else again."

'What about Paul?" Drake's voice was barely a whisper.

"We'll get him." the officer promised.

As soon as the man was gone Drake turned toward Josh, feeling Josh's arms circle him carefully as he was pulled into a hug. Drake took complete comfort in Josh's embrace, and he let himself cry. He hadn't been able to do it when his mom had been there, because he didn't want to worry her. But with Josh, he could let the false sense of strength slip away. With Josh, he could feel the hurt, and let it go.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

**A/N: I** know this wasn't my best chapter, but hopefully the next will be better. I am incredibly distracted right now.


	23. Forgivness

The sun was shining brightly through the hospital windows, letting in specks of warmth and comfort. It was only noon, but for drake the day had all ready been very busy. The doctor had taken numerous x-rays, and had decided tat the chest tube could be removed, and, if he was careful of his other injuries, he could go home. Drake was beyond ready to be free of the hospital, and the constant attention of the staff. He was ready to go home, to feel safe while also being able to be alone.

He missed the isolated comfort of his bedroom, of having everything he needed within waling distance. The small assortment of things he still enjoyed in life were all there, calling out to his troubled mind. In this white room, with all of its machines and invasive noises from the hallway, he didn't feel comfortable. It was too busy, and right now, he just wanted things to be still. Surrounded by the constant reminders of what had happened, all of his sleep had been plagued by nightmares.

He listened at half attention as the doctor explained the best ways for him to continue to heal without the hospitals supervision. He needed to keep his broken arm elevated, to keep the cast clean and always be mindful of his stitches. He wasn't to exert himself, lest they tear open. He needed to avoid any pressure to his chest and work at breathing deeply to help his rib heal. The doctor went over the medications he'd be prescribed, when to take them and how many. More then once the doctor told him not to rely solely on the medications during his recovery, to avoid dependence and addiction.

"If there's any intense pain, or you have any questions, make sure to call." the doctor said as he shook drake's hand. "You're recovering very well so far, and in about a month the cast can come out and everything else should be mostly healed." He smiled, stepping toward the room's door. "There will be scars, but they wont be too noticeable if the wounds aren't agitated."

"Thanks." Drake said softly. "For everything." He hated being here, but he was grateful for everything that the doctor had done for him. He was alive, and, after a little while, he'd be okay.

The doctor nodded warmly before heading out into the hall. He walked through the corridors, briefly greeting the other hospital employees as he headed for the lobby to wait for drake's family to arrive. He wanted to go over everything with them before sighing the release papers, to know that proper care would be taken to aide the recovery.

He'd treated a handful of bullying victims, but drake had been one of the most severe, and he wanted to make sure that he would be okay after leaving. It never got any easier to see the damage people inflicted upon each other, especially in children. The human body could take a lot more then people gave it credit for, but it was also easier to destroy then some believed possible. Any of those wounds could have been fatal, and even when the physical afflictions had healed, the mental ones would still be there. Those were the only ones he couldn't treat, the ones that haunted him.

"Good afternoon Ms. Nichols." he called out, seeing Audrey and Josh at the reception desk.

"Hello." Audrey smiled, stepping forward and shaking the doctor's hand. "Is he ready?"

"The tube has been removed." he replied. "I would like to go over the healing process and care with you before signing Drake out of the hospital."

"Of course." Audrey smiled, turning toward Josh. "Could you take Drake his clothes?" She asked, handing Josh the bag she'd prepared that morning.

'Sure." Josh said, taking the bag and heading towards Drake's room. He'd wanted to be alone with drake, to make sure he was really okay to go home. He knew that Drake would do anything to keep their mother smiling, but he wanted what was best for Drake. Josh stopped at the door, knocking twice before heading in. "drake?"

"Hey." drake replied, looking up at Josh.

"Brought you some clothes." josh smiled, holding up the bag. "Mom picked them out."

Drake's eyes darkened as he looked at the bag. He was sure that there were long sleeves in there, that she'd still be trying to hide what had happened. He shook the look away, not wanting josh to worry. "Awesome, this hospital gown is really uncomfortable." He tried a smile, knowing that Josh wasn't convinced.

"She's trying." Josh said softly. "It's been hard for her, and she feels terrible."

'I know." Drake knew that it was hard, after all of the lies, and everything that had happened around them. He hadn't let her in, it wasn't her fault that she didn't understand. "Can you, help me into them?" Drake asked, blushing slightly.

Josh smiled. "Sure."

Josh helped drake out of the bed, and as carefully as he could, avoided looking at Drake's body as he helped him into the boxers and jeans. He could feel the heat in his cheeks as the embarrassment spread, and he knew that it was worse for drake.

They saved the shirt for last, and drake couldn't help but smile as he pulled it out of the bag, It was one of Josh's old tee shirts. Drake touched the short sleeves softly, grinning. "this is yours."

"Yours weren't going to fit over the cast." Josh replied, helping drake to maneuver the shirt until it was finally on. It was everything he could do not to laugh as the too big shirt hung loosely off of Drake's small body.

"Whats so funny?" Drake smiled.

"Nothing." josh smiled. "Are you ready to go?"

"More then you know." Drake said, walking toward the door. "I hate it here."

Josh helped Drake take the first few steps, holding onto his arm until he was steady on his feet. When he was sure that Drake could continue on his own he let go, never straying very far away. He knew that drake wanted to be able to do this on his own, but he wanted to be there to catch him if he fell.

They were halfway down the hall when the came to the door with the police guard outside of it. Drake looked over the officers before turning toward Josh.

"That's Cody's room." Josh said, all ready knowing the question.

Drake felt his heart beat quicken as his breathing increased. He knew that he was safe here, but knowing that Cody was so close was terrifying. He'd been the cause of so much pain, the embodiment of fear in Drake's life. Drake took long, careful breathes before raising his eyes to look at Josh. "Can I go in?"

Josh was shocked by the question. He tried to get inside of Drake's mind, to see what he could possibly want from being in the same room as one of the people who'd almost killed him. He couldn't find the answer within himself. "Why?" Josh asked after long moments of silence.

"It's just something I need to do." Drake replied, stepping toward one of the officers. "Can I, can I see him?" Drake asked quietly, afraid of being told no.

The closer officer looked down at drake sympathetically. He knew who Drake was, what Cody had done to him. There was a lot of negativity between the two boys, a large risk of Drake hurting his weakened tormentor. But there was also a deep pain in his eyes that made the officer reconsider his initial response.

"Do you intend to hurt him?" The officer asked patiently.

Drake shook his head. "No." He answered honestly.

"Leave the door open." The officer warned before stepping to the side.

Drake thanked the officer before taking slow, careful steps into the room. It was a lot like the one he'd been in, though there were less machines. He looked at Cody, laying in the bed staring out the window. Drake barley recognized Cody as the person he'd been before. Attached to those monitors, he was just another victim. The air of superiority was gone from him, his eyes were distant, empty of all of the rage they'd held before.

Drake wasn't sure what he wanted to say to Cody as he stood there staring. He wanted to be angry, to be just as cruel as Cody had been. But seeing Cody like he was, Drake couldn't say the words that had filled his throat.

Cody turned his red eyes away from the window, staring at Drake harshly. "What do you want, Parker?"

Drake bit his tongue, unable to find his voice. A part of him was still afraid of Cody, no matter how human he looked now. But the rest of him was full of pity for his former tormentor.

Cody chuckled dryly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Still afraid of me?" He grinned, though there was no joy in his features.

Drake shook his head. "Not anymore." He said, his eyes now full of pity.

Cody frowned, shaking his head with false anger. "I don't want your pity Parker."

Drake stepped a little closer, his hand absently touching the bandaging where the stab wound rested. The same wound Cody carried in his own body. "A long time ago, you told me that I didn't have any friends, that no one cared about me." Drake said softly.

"So?" Cody turned his eyes away from Drake. "I know what I said, I was right."

"No, yo weren't." Drake shook his head. "I'm not going through this alone, my family, they're all there. I'm not alone anymore, I'm not like you."

Cody's body stiffened as his mouth twisted into an angry grimace. "Why are you here Parker?"

Drake took another step forward. "I want to know why." He said simply. "Was it all just because of the things Paul said?"

"It doesn't matter." Cody snapped.

"It matters to me." Drake retorted taking another step forward. "after everything that happened, I think, no, I know that I deserve to know why."

Cody grunted, adjusting himself on the bed so that he could look tougher then he felt. "It wasn't just the things Paul said. I honestly hated you, because you are just like my father."

"No, I'm not." Drake replied defiantly.

"You're a cheating drunk!"

"Until you made me drink, I'd never had a drop."

"You use women,"

"I've never cheated, and I've never intentionally hurt them. I'm not the best boyfriend, but I'm not a monster. I'm not like Paul. I never physically hurt Carissa."

"She meant everything to me!" Cody shouted, blinking back tears.

"I know." Drake said softly. "She's an amazing girl. I don't know everything that happened between you and Paul, what happened to her, but I know that it hurt you. Paul hurt you."

"You don't know anything." Cody hissed. How could Drake know what it felt like to be betrayed by the only people he'd let close? To loose the only girl who'd made him feel like he was anybody? His family wanted him, they cared. Cody's own parents were getting a divorce, neither of them wanted to be left with him. They were still arguing over whose fault it was that he'd done the things he had, rather then trying to talk to him. "You'll never know what its like..." Cody repeated, softer.

Drake nodded solemnly. "I know what it feels like to feel alone, to feel betrayed. Hurt and afraid."

"I'm not afraid." Cody snapped. It was a lie though. He was afraid of what the rest of his life would be like without anybody beside him. He was alone now, confused, and it frightened him.

drake didn't respond. He knew the look hiding behind the irritation in Cody's eyes. He knew that fear better then anyone. "I didn't come here to argue," Drake said carefully, "Honestly, I came here to make you feel as horrible as you've made me feel. I wanted you to hurt like I did. But, but I can't do that."

"Why?" Cody asked, suspicious.

"Because Paul all ready did. I don't want to be like him. I hate him, and not just because of what happened to me," Drake exhaled deeply. "But because of what he did to you." It was true, though drake didn't completely understand it himself. "You had the chance to kill me, but you didn't do it, because he was using you. You're part of the reason I'm alive." Drake offered a tired smile, trying to be friendly. "I guess, what I really wanted when I came in here, was to forgive you." drake confessed.

"I didn't just do any of it because of Paul." Cody said heavily. "I wanted to hurt you."

"I know." Drake whispered. "But I still forgive you." Drake turned to leave, not wanting to be here anymore. Being this close to Cody had left him feeling confused, and vulnerable. He wanted to be with josh, to go home to the safety of his family.

"Parker," Cody called after him, stopping him mid step. "I guess, I guess I forgive you too." Cody whispered, knotting his fingers in the bedsheets.

Drake turned, a small smile on his face. He didn't have words to say, so all he could do was smile as he nodded his head and walked back out into the hall.

Cody watched Drake leave, gritting his teeth against the pain of pulling his knees toward his chest. He let his head rest against his knee, feeling the tears he'd tried to fight finally fall. He didn't want to be forgiven for what he had done, because it filled him with emotions that he didn't know how to handle. If Drake wasn't afraid of him, then he at least wanted him to hate him. Anything to keep these unwelcome emotions from making him feel weaker.

He moved his hand over the stitches from where he';d been stabbed, cursing softly at the sting of touching them. Paul had left more then a physical scar when he'd betrayed him. He had left Cody confused, weak. He didn't know who he was anymore, what to believe. He hated the part of himself that he had to face now, and the growing uncertainty that kept him from accepting it.

~.~

Drake followed Josh down the halls, all the while his mind on his visit with Cody. He'd had a lot of time to think while he'd been here, and though he'd always hate Cody, for everything that he'd done, he honestly believed that he forgave him. Maybe it was the pity for how Cody had been used, or maybe, just being grateful that Cody hadn't killed him. Drake couldn't be sure.

Drake's mind cleared when he saw his mother, smiling and hurrying toward him with open arms. She pulled him close, her tears held back as she hesitated to pull away. "I'm okay." he offered.

"I know." She smiled. "I'm just glad that you're coming home." this was a new beginning, for all of them. There would be rough days ahead, She knew that, but there were days to look forward to. Almost loosing him had torn her apart, made her see the faults in the ways she'd handled everything. Now, she was determined to be there, the way he needed her.

They drove home in content silence, listening to the radio as the car bumped along the roads. Drake took comfort in the music, letting it consume him as he tried to ignore the bumping roads. They reminded him of being in the trunk of Cody's car, and he didn't want to think about that now. He wanted to be happy, really happy. He didn't have to lie anymore, about what had happened, or how he felt.

Walter and Meghan were waiting in the living room when they entered the house. Meghan rushed toward Drake, wrapping her arms around him to hide her smile. He was home, and it meant the world to her. Walter smiled brightly, stepping forward and taking Drake's hand when Meghan finally moved away.

"We have a surprise for you." he said, stepping toward the couch and lifting the repaired guitar from where it was hiding.

Drake grinned as he stepped forward, holding the guitar close against himself. Carefully, he touched the stop where Cody had stepped on it. The crack was barley visible. It would always be there to remind him of what had happened, but it had been fixed, and someday, he would be fixed too.

Carefully, Drake set the guitar down and pulled Walter into a loose embrace. "Thank you." he whispered.

Walter smiled, patting Drake on the back. He couldn't ever remember having hugged him. "It's good to have you home." He said softly, pulling away from Drake.

After an hour of small talk, drake made his way up the stairs to his bedroom. He didn't want to leave the comfort of his family, but he was exhausted. Audrey was right behind him, carrying his guitar and chatting endlessly about dinner. She was making drake's favorite tonight, to celebrate him coming home. She helped him up into his bed before giving him his pain medications, the smile never leaving her face.

"I'll wake you for dinner." She promised, pulling the blankets around him and setting his broken arm on a pillow.

"Thanks." Drake said as he shifted to get more comfortable.

Audrey stopped moving, placing a soft hand on his cheek. The bruises had almost completely faded, but they were still there. "I'm sorry," She said softly. "For not understanding what was happening."

"It wasn't your fault, I was lieing to you the whole time." Drake replied.

She shook her head, her eyes watering. "I'm your mother, I should have known something was wrong. I was just so upset about the lies, drinking, fighting... I should have known that you wouldn't do things like that. I was hard on you, when I should have been there for you to turn to."

Drake shook his head sleepily, smiling at her. "You're the best mom in the world."

Audrey choked back a sob, grasping his hand tightly. "I wasn't before, I practically let this happen to you. I'm so sorry Drake, if you never forgive me, I understand." She lowered her face, trying to hide the tears as they fell across her cheeks.

"I forgive you." Drake said as his heavy eyes slowly closed. "Please don't blame yourself." he mumbled as he slipped into blissfully empty sleep.

~.~

The following day was eerily silent. Walter had gone back to work, and Josh and Meghan were back in school, so Drake was alone with Audrey. He'd grown so used to the busy sounds of the hospital in his brief stay, that without all of the noise he felt lost. He'd asked to be left alone for a while, and Audrey had hesitantly complied. Drake wanted time to think about everything that had happened, to accept it.

He sat on the couch in his room, his guitar laying next to him. With the broken arm, he couldn't play, but he took comfort in occasionally strumming the strings and hearing their sounds. He thought about everything that had happened, and for each type of hurt plucked a different string, feeling the vibrations against his fingers. It had been so long since he had held his guitar, and in his isolation, it was a better friend then the razor had ever been. His guitar didn't have to hurt him for him to feel comfort. There was no exchange of blood for the ease of mind he was staring to feel.

Audrey came up to the room around two-thirty, knocking before entering. "Trevor and the others are here," She said softly. "Do you want to see them?"

Drake could remember the last time he'd talked to them, after the show the night Cody had broken his guitar. His fingers fell over the crack, tracing it lightly as he tried to think. "yeah..." He replied absently.

Audrey left, and a few minutes later his band mates were shuffling into the room, all of them looking down at their shoes. Trevor stepped forward first, looking at drake apologetically. "Dude, I'm, we're sorry."

"Why?" Drake asked, turning to look at them. He hadn't realized how much he missed all of them until they were there. He'd been ignoring them for so long that he'd been sure they wouldn't want to see him.

'We didn't know what was happening before, but Josh told us." Trevor looked at Drake. "Don't be mad at him, I kinda made him tell us. If I'd have known, I wouldn't have been such a jerk after the concert... And then when you didn't talk to us at school..."

Drake swallowed dryly, his eyes full of sorrow. "I didn't mean to push you guys away, but I, I wasn't allowed to talk to you." he said quietly. Looking back, it seemed stupid that he;d never bothered to try at all.

"It's okay man," Trevor said, hesitantly sitting on the couch next to Drake. He looked over the faded bruises, to the scabbed cuts on Drake's throat and the broken arm. "I hate them, for what they did to you. If's we'd have known, we'd have given them hell."

Drake smiled. "I think they'd have kicked your butts." He said lightly.

Trevor laughed softly. "Probably, but at least then, you wouldn't have been alone." He shook his head. "Seriously man, I'm sorry for not being there."

"I wouldn't have wanted to see you guys hurt." Drake said softly. "I'm sorry, for turning my back on you guys while everything was happening. I treated you guys like our friendship meant nothing, I let everything Cody said get to me."

"We aren't mad." Trevor said, waiting as the others agreed. "It wasn't your fault."

~.~

Josh tapped his fingers against the steering wheel as he drive home from work, his mind busy as he tried to drive. He'd had trouble focusing all day at school, and at work as he thought about drake. Physically, he was going to be okay, but mentally... Josh was worried. He knew that it was going to be harder to heal Drake's mind then his body, body's were made to heal themselves. Drake had been made to believe so many things about himself, had endured so much pain, it wasn't going to go away with smiles and hopeful wishing.

There were so many things that Josh wished he'd had done differently over the last month. If he'd have really listened to Drake, had seen through his own irritation then he could have caught everything before it escalated. He could have been a brother. It was easy to see things that way now, after it was over. All of the signs and choices were so clear in hindsight.

Being there, and saving Drake had made him feel better about the way he;d acted when Drake was dying, but now, he felt an awful self loathing. All he could think about now that Drake was physically okay were the things he'd done wrong. Not listening to Drake when he'd first encountered Cody had lead Drake to silence, then to cutting himself. Not being a brother to him, not being there had lead to Drake's attempted suicide. He;'d left Drake alone after Cody's threat, and he had been kidnapped and nearly killed.

Josh took all of the blame, for everything that had happened. Drake had been broken down and no one had been able to stop it, especially him.

He went straight to their bedroom when he got home, half expecting Drake to all ready be in bed. He entered the room, seeing Drake hunched over his guitar on the couch and smiled emptily. He knew how badly drake wanted to be able to hold it and play again.

"Hey," Drake called across the room as josh set his things on his bed.

"Hey' Josh replied softly, heading toward drake. "What are you doing?"

"Working on lyrics." Drake said as he scribbled over his notebook. "Its harder when I cant try the out with the sound."

Josh nodded, waiting for Drake to move the guitar so that he could sit down. "How are you feeling today?" josh asked quietly.

"Whats wrong?" Drake asked, ignoring the question. It was obvious that something was bothering Josh.

Josh shook his head, the words weren't ready.

"I know that somethings wrong." Drake said quietly, his fingers tracing the faded cuts from his wrists. "Are you mad at me?"

Josh turned toward Drake, surprised. "Why would I be mad at you?"

Drake shrugged his shoulders, not looking at Josh. "I don't know...'

"I'm not mad at you, I'm, I'm mad at myself." He confessed, instantly regretting the words. He wasn't ready for this.

"Why?" drake looked up at Josh, taking in the hurt behind his eyes.

"Because I let this happen to you." Josh whispered.

'You saved my life."

"It wouldn't have gotten so far if I'd have just listened to you. If I hadn't been so focused on being angry, then I would have known,"

"No you wouldn't have." Drake cut josh off. "I didn't want anyone to know. Not just because they threatened me if I told, but because I hated myself for letting it happen. I lied, and I hid it all. There's no changing it now Josh, its over. I'm okay."

"No, you're not." josh said more sharply then he meant to. "You almost died, twice. I watched both times, and I knew that it was my fault." Josh bit his lip, trying to stop the tears. "I abandoned you when you needed me. All of your pain, I might as well have been there, standing next to Cody and the others."

Drake shook his head, desperately searching for the words to make Josh understand that he didn't blame him. "It wasn't your fault."

"You're just saying that..."

"No," Drake tried, gripping Josh's hand tightly. "I owe you my life Josh. When I was ready to let someone in, you were there for me. You gave me the strength to let it all out, to confront it, them." He sighed heavily, his breath shaking. "Without you, one way or another I'd be dead Josh. You were always the only person I knew that I could turn to, that I could trust."

"I failed you."

"You saved me." Drake countered. "I know that you were angry before, and that was my fault. I got you into trouble, and then when you were upset, I lied and pushed you away. But in the end, you were there, despite what I'd done."

Josh couldn't hold back any longer. Mindful of Drake's injuries, he pulled his brother into a tight embrace, burying his head in Drake's shoulder to try and hide the tears. "I'm sorry Drake." He cried, shaking. "Please, can you ever forgive me for what I did? I let it happen..."

Drake hugged Josh as best he could with one arm, his own tears hidden from view. "Can you forgive me?" He asked. "For the lies, for everything that's happened..."

"I forgive you." Josh nodded.

"I forgive you too." Drake said, closing his eyes as the tears continued to fall. He didn't think josh would ever know what those three simple words meant to him.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

**A/N: **I apologize for how long this chapter took, I've been pretty busy. There are only a few chapters left now, and getting so close to the end has been, hard to say the least. Happy halloween to everyone reading, stay warm and have fun!


	24. Revenge

Meghan had been awake in her room through the night and into the early hours of the morning. Her back was stiff from sitting in her computer chair, and her eyes ached from reading the small print on the screen. It hadn't been easy, but she'd managed to hack into Paul's computer and had been reading through everything on it all night. What she had found was, disturbing to say the least.

There were countless saved pages of a personal diary saved under dates from months before documenting his entire plan for revenge. His feelings for Carissa and the jealousy for what she and Cody had had. Every detail about how he'd gotten closer to Cody, manipulating his 'friend' until he was the silent leader of their dysfunctional little gang. Her nostrils flared with anger as she read over his observations of Drake, his proudly written words on how he planned to pin everything on him making her stomach churn. Paul had made Cody believe that Drake was an incarnation of his father, of everything that Cody despised and turned him on Drake like a feral animal.

She couldn't believe that he'd kept everything documented so thoughtfully. To an extent, she admired the way he manipulated everyone, but she hated him still. His whispered words and planning had broken Drake down and nearly gotten Drake killed. To her surprise, the events of that day were there too, carefully recorded in graphic detail. The things that everyone had done that had saved Drake's life had disgusted Paul. From Andrew, to josh, all of their treacherous actions had destroyed his brilliant plan and left him running from the law.

The most recent entry had been loaded only hours earlier, and Meghan smiled at her luck. Paul was still in town, only about an hour away. She pulled out her phone, dialing the number of an old friend as she continued to read.

"It's three in the morning..." Darren's groggy voice came over the line.

"Good morning." Meghan said sarcastically. "It's time." This time, her voice was dead serious.

"You found him?" Darren asked, she could hear his grin.

Meghan laughed, the cruel sound sent shiver's down Darren's back. "The idiot is still uploading his memoirs. I've tracked them, how long until you can be here?"

There was a brief pause over the line. "About ten, maybe fifteen minutes. I have to get Trent up."

"I'll be waiting down the street from my house." Meghan said before hanging up.

She let her hand drop the phone onto her desk as she continued to read the last entry, her fists shaking. Paul had a reason for staying within the city, for being so unbelievably close. He planned on coming after Drake. His hatred hadn't been quench by merely almost killing him, no, he wanted to finish the act. He blamed Drake for the plan going wrong, for the cops being after him.

Meghan wasn't going to let the bastard anywhere near her home, her brother. She shut down the computer and as quietly as possible, changed her clothes and headed downstairs. Everyone was asleep, but she didn't want to risk them waking up. No one was going to stop her from getting her vengeance for Drake.

Meghan stepped out into the dark, chilly air and pushed her hands deep into the pockets of her sweatshirt. She'd forgotten just how cold the early fall hours could be, and the heat of her anger did nothing to warm her shivering body. Taking one last look back at her house, she continued on down the street to wait for Darren and Trent. She only called them for help when she needed to do something dangerous, something that a girl her age couldn't do alone. Trent had taught her everything she knew about computer hacking, after she'd instructed him in the masterful ways of pranking. Darren sold her the 'tools' she used for her more elaborate pranks. They were good people, though they were a little older then her brothers. She'd met both of them online, and kept in regular contact.

She smiled darkly as Darren's old car cruised down the dark streets, pulling up beside her. Trent rolled down his window, his mischievous grin a welcome sight for what they were about to do. "You ready?"

Meghan nodded, climbing into the backseat of the warm car. "Its about an hours drive, down at that gross motel on south street."

"I know the one." Darren said, turning the car around. "How's your brother?"

Meghan had kept them mostly up to date since she had realized what was going on. She'd realized from the beginning that she wouldn't be able to take on Drake's tormentors by herself, and Darren and Trent had been more then happy to help. "He's home now, but he's far from being okay." She replied absently. "Paul's planning on going after him again,"

Trent turned around in his seat, offering her a warm smile. "We wont let that happen."

"Thanks guys." Meghan was grateful for everything they were doing to help. "He's going to regret ever going near Drake."

Darren laughed. "You are one of the most sadistic little girls I've ever met."

"Josh thinks I'm evil." She laughed.

"He may be right." Darren said as he continued driving.

Darren and Trent filled the hour's drive with talk about everything they'd been up to over the last few weeks to lighten the mood. Darren had been promoted to head mechanic at the shop where he worked, and was going back to college. Trent had been working out new pranks on his younger, and older sister. Meghan's advice had really helped him get under their skin, and his job at the joke shop provided him with all sorts of new toys to annoy them with.

_~...Down, let's take it down Raise up their heads on a stake  
We will show no mercy On evolution's mistake...~_

Meghan smiled and laughed at the boys, letting their words calm her anxiety. She was never nervous, but this was different from anything she had done before. This wasn't going to be a prank for her amusement, this was revenge. She wanted Paul to suffer for everything that he had caused and done, and she wanted it to hurt. No one messed with her brother except for her. No one hurt him. What Paul had done to Drake, she wouldn't have wished on anyone.

Paul had made a sick game of her brother's life, and now, she was playing by his rules. Cruel, outnumbering rules with fatal consequences and harsh punishments. Drake hadn't deserved what they'd done to him, but Paul, he deserved what was coming. Meghan was going to make sure he experienced the consequences of playing this game. He wouldn't pass go and collect the _money_ created from someone else's blood and tears. He wouldn't hold the power over the other pawns and no simple card would save him.

When they finally arrived at the little Motel Darren parked the car and they all stepped out, hearing the gravel scratch against their shoes. Finding where Paul was hiding had been the easy part, finding him would be a bit harder. She pulled the picture she had printed from her pocket, unfolding it and handing it to Trent.

"_This_ is the guy?" Trent grinned, handing the picture to Darren. "looks like a tool."

No matter what was happening, Trent never stopped grinning, and Meghan appreciated that enthusiasm. ""He's dangerous, but, without people to do his dirty work for him he wont be so strong." Meghan said, turning toward Darren. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

She was afraid that now, so close to the act that they might wan to back out. If they were caught, there would be consequences, both legal and personal. She wouldn't blame them for doing what was in their best interests, but she wanted them to be on her side right now.

Darren smiled somberly, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "The law alone wouldn't make him pay for what he's done. We're with you, one hundred percent."

"Thank you." She replied softly, offering a tight smile. "Lets find the bastard."

Meghan waited by the car as Darren went into the Motel to ask about Paul. It would have looked weird for a girl her age to go in with them. She tapped her toes against her shoes as she waited, humming one of Drake's songs. She would never tell him, but she loved his music. It was peaceful, happy. She looked up at the flood of light from the open door as the boys came back out, smiling.

"He's been staying here, but the night man says he likes to hangout at the bar down the street." Darren said. "That makes our job a lot easier."

They left the car in the motel's parking lot, walking the three minutes to the bar. Trent would go inside and find Paul, while Darren stayed outside with Meghan to make sure no drunks messed with her. They needed to get Paul outside, and away from anyone who might interfere.

Trent flashed his I.D. At the door and moved into the dirty little bar. Most of the customers were gone, closing time was creeping up and the remaining patrons were mostly drunks waiting for a ride. Others were playing sloppy games of pool in the hopes of winning enough money for just a few more Drinks. It didn't take Trent long to find Paul, sitting in the corner with a scantily dressed woman.

Trent's grin widened as he strode over, placing his hand down on the table and looking straight into Paul's dark eyes. "Paul, hey buddy." He said cheerfully, as if they'd been friends.

"Who are you?" Paul sneered, annoyed at the disturbance in his previous conversation.

"It's me, Taner." Trent gave him a fake name, to avoid trouble after the deed was done. "We go to the same school?"

"I don't know you, I'm busy." Paul gestured to the woman, who'd lost all interest in him. Without a word, she slid out of her chair and headed toward the bar for a drink.

"she's a looker." Trent smiled, sliding into her abandoned seat.

"What do you want?" Paul asked again, his irritation overly evident.

Trent dialed down his smile, leaning over the table. "I heard about what happened, the police are looking for you."

Paul scoffed, crossing his arms. "You here to turn me in?"

Trent shook his head. "Dude, I'm here to congratulate you. That little bastard deserved what he got." Trent was glad that Meghan was outside. Even though he was lying, the words were still cruel. "It's too bad you didn't get to finish the job."

Paul smiled darkly, his mind racing with possibilities for his 'friend'. "I'll get him."

"How?" Trent asked with mock curiosity.

_~...They speak about trust But make no mistake  
They're shaking your hand while they spit in your face...~_

Paul shook his head. "I only tell the people I trust about my plans. Only the people who'll_ help_." He dropped the hint, waiting to see if Trent would take it.

Trent grinned again, leaning closer. "I want to get him, to wipe that smug smile off his face. I hate that kid." The lies were easier when he didn't use Drake's name. Trent merely pretended he was talking to someone else, that the him was really Paul. "You can trust me man."

Paul shared Trent's grin, the plan unfolding in his mind. "Sooner would be better then later." He said lightly.

"How about now?" Trent suggested casually. "No one would even suspect this early in the morning. It's a simple in and out."

"I like your thinking." Paul laughed, pushing himself out of his chair. He'd leave all of the dirty work up to Trent, make it look like he'd acted alone. It would be so easy. "You got a car?"

Trent smiled, getting up from his chair. 'Right outside." he grinned, leading the way.

~.~

Meghan and Darren were waiting around the corner, in the ally next to the dumpster. Trent had only been inside a few minutes, but Meghan couldn't help but worry. Paul was vicious, and he might have friends in there. One wrong move by Trent, and they'd hurt him. She didn't want anything to happen to Trent, or Darren. She smiled as she heard Trent's voice, could practically see his smile on every word.

When she saw Paul every ounce of anger and hatred she'd harbored over the last few weeks came rushing into her, making her small fists shake. She glared at Paul, seeing Darren step forward in the corner of her eye. It was time.

"Whats going on?" Paul turned angrily toward Trent, who smiled lazily at him.

"You're going to pay for everything you did to Drake." Meghan said coldly.

Paul laughed in her face. "That whiny bitch got what he deserved, and its not over for him." Paul stepped closer to her, looking down. "I'm going to make him wish he'd died at the warehouses, and you can't stop me. You're just a little kid, a girl." He towered over her, laughing at how small she was.

Paul had been so distracted by Meghan that he'd temporarily forgotten about Trent and Darren. Once they saw him getting closer to Meghan they stepped forward protectively, eyes hard.

"No one hurts my brother and gets away with it. No one threatens either of them, and goes unscathed." Her voice sailed over the ally, a dark melody hidden by the muffled sounds of passing cars.

_~...You preach about love And teach about faith  
But all your beliefs are still rooted in hate...~_

Paul shook his head, this was too funny. "don't you understand what a waste of life your brother is? He destroys everything around him! He took Carissa away from us, from me. And the gang, because of him, our pact was reduced to scars on our hands. All of the trust, our friendship, its gone now. All because of your brother." Until now, Paul hadn't realized how strongly he believed in the words he'd been telling Cody. They have sank into his mind, becoming his beliefs. Beliefs built on hate and a need for vengeance on behalf of his own, dark feelings.

Meghan shook her head, looking up at Paul with intent, angry eyes. "Drake was never to blame for any of it. It was petty jealousy and you own, personal weakness. " She turned toward Darren and Trent, nodding at them.

They stepped forward as she stepped back.

Seeing that he was cornered, Paul clenched his fists and made himself aware of everything within arms reach. He tried to grab a discarded two by four, but Darren was faster, grabbing his arm and twisting it back before hitting Paul across the face with a closed fist.

"You made Drake afraid to speak." Meghan whispered loudly. "You shattered his self confidence and made him afraid."

Trent grabbed the two by four, patting it against his hand before swinging it at Paul's knee, shattering the left knee cap. Paul bit his lip so hard it bleed as he tried to keep from screaming.

"You broke him down and beat him without mercy." Meghan said softly, her narrowed eyes almost glowing with the hate in her voice.

"Little bitch," Paul shouted, licking the blood from his lip. He swung at Darren, trying to get his arm loose. Darren moved to the side, jerking Paul's twisted arm and avoiding the hit to the face, his shoulder taking the blow.

Trent smashed a discarded beer bottle, grabbing Paul's free arm and struggling to hold it out. He placed the broken bottle against Paul's skin, cutting it. The jagged lines, varying in depth and length bleed as the dirt and molded beer seeped into his skin.

"You made him drink to make him weak. You're actions and hate made him cut himself." She growled, stepping forward.

_~...Cracking the whip on the backs of the poor  
We asked you to stop but you still wanted more  
The blood on your hands left a trail as you crawl  
Down on your knees you just don't look so tall..."_

Paul lunged forward, pulling his cut arm free from Trent's grasp as he tried to swing his shaking fist at her. Darren twisted Paul's other arm further, feeling the pop in his shoulder as it dislocated. This time, Paul let the scream tear through his lungs as the pain sent spots over his eyes. His legs shook and he fell onto his good leg, glaring up at Meghan with every ounce of hate he possessed.

"Drake asked you to stop, he begged. But it was never enough for you, was it?" She demanded.

Paul spit at her feet, pulling at the arm Darren had grabbed a hold of again. "I loved every minute of it." He gloated on trembling, pain filled breathes. "And its not even over. I know where you live, where he thinks he's safe."

Meghan stepped forward, so close to Paul that she could smell the body Oder and blood on him. She made her fist as hard as she could, and she swung, hitting him across the jaw. Meghan hit him again before he could speak, and pulled the small, pink pocket knife from her pocket, holding the blade in front of Paul's eyes. "If you ever try to hurt him again, I _will_ kill you." She promised.

Meghan stepped back, a dark, cruel laugh emitting from her innocent face. "How does it feel, to be powerless and hurt?"

"Fuck you." Paul sneered, earning him a sharp hit from Trent.

"Without your friends, you're nothing." Meghan taunted. "And they wont be coming to your side again. They've seen what you're really like. You're all alone now, you're weak."

"No I'm not!" Paul shouted. "I don't need them, I never needed them!'

"I feel sorry for you." Meghan chuckled. "No friends, no real strength. You're pathetic, and deep inside, you know it. You were afraid of drake, his strength, and that's why you had to break him down and use your friends to take him on. You're a coward."

Paul shook his head, denying every word that Meghan spoke. They'd said the same things to Drake. But he was better then Drake, those words didn't apply to him. "You're lying." He mumbled.

Meghan shook her head, a twisted grin over her face. "You aren't as big as you think," She said, looking down at him. "You aren't as strong."

Meghan stepped passed Paul, not bothering to look back at him. "Leave him for the police." She said softly, hiding the smile on her lips. She'd beaten him, physically, and mentally.

Darren let go of Paul, watching him crumble onto the dirty pavement as he held his shattered knee. He and Trent joined Meghan, walking out of the ally as they heard Paul whispering to himself.

"I'm better then them. I don't need them. Lies, all lies."

They walked back to the car in silence, getting in and heading back. Trent handed Meghan an old rag to wipe the blood from her hands, offering a warm smile. He heard her talk big more then once, but seeing how cold she could be had been almost disturbing. He couldn't put it against her though, if someone had done to either of his sisters what had been done to Drake, he'd do the same.

Darren stopped the car a few houses down, turning in his seat before she got out of the car. "You okay?"

Meghan smiled. "It feels good, to have done something."

Darren smiled, reaching over the seat to put a hand on her shoulder. "You're terrifying when you're angry." he joked, feeling her relax.

"He deserved it." She said, stepping out of the car. "Thanks guys, for everything."

Darren and Trent smiled. Neither of them had records, and they'd both all ready graduated. Paul wouldn't be able to identify them without a lot of work.

"No problem." Trent grinned.

"Get inside and go to bed." Darren chuckled.

They waited until she was inside her house to drive home.

Once Meghan was inside the house she quietly made her way upstairs and towards the boys room. She opened the door slowly, making sure that both of them were asleep before walking over to drake's bed. She starred at him for long moments, remembering everything that had happened that night.

"It's over." She whispered softly. "You're going to be okay."

As quietly as she'd entered the room, she left it, creeping down the hall to her own room. She changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed, letting herself relax. It was over. She told herself. The monster had been defeated, and the game was finally winding down. Now, all she could do was be there next to Drake, to help him with whatever he may need. Be beside him as he rolled the dice and moved forward towards the win.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
**Disclaimer:** The beautiful lyrics in the itallics belong to _Billy talent_, from their song _'Viking Death march'_. I've wanted that song to be a part of meghan's revenge forever, because I'm in love with it.

**A/N:** This chapter got a bit intense, but, it kinda needed to be. Meghan finally got her revenge, and it was really fun to write her darker side. The story's almost over now, and paul finally got what was comeing to him. For those of you still with me on this, thank you, and I hope you've enjoyed it so far.


	25. Healing

The doorbell chimed early that morning, summoning Audrey out of the kitchen and toward its insistent call for attention. She wiped her hands on the apron, smearing the powder mix from the pancakes before turning the knob to see who was there. It was still rather early in the morning, and none of the kids were up yet.

She opened the door to see a young, handsome police officer standing outside. "Can I help you?" She asked, confused as to why he was there.

"Just a few quick questions ma'am." he replied politely.

Audrey smiled, wiping the rest of the pancake mix away as she let him into the house. "What can I do for you," She realized she hadn't gotten his name.

"Evans," The Officer smiled. "Early this morning, we apprehended Paul Hilden, the leader of your son's bullys." He paused, scratching his head. "Do you know where your daughter was around four this morning?"

Audrey's smile of relief faded to a confused frown. "She was asleep, in her room. Why do you ask?"

Again, the Officer hesitated. "When we apprehended Paul, he'd been pretty badly beaten, he claimed, that your daughter and two older male accomplices had done it."

Audrey shook her head, suppressing a sarcastic laugh. "Meghan is only twelve, she couldn't have beaten up that boy. And she has no older friends."

The officer studied Audrey's face for long moments before smiling. She wasn't lying. "If its not too much trouble, may I talk to your daughter?" He asked. He was sure that the young girl had nothing to do with what had happened, but he had to be sure.

Audrey was about to question the officer when josh came down the stairs, rubbing the remaining sleep from his eyes. "whats going on?" He asked when he saw the officer, his mind immediately waking to attention.

Audrey forced a smile, looking at Josh. "Can you go get your sister?"

Josh starred at her a moment before nodding and heading back up the stairs. He didn't like the tension in his mothers voice, nor the look in her eyes. Something was going on. He knocked on Meghan's door twice, waiting for the muffled groan to leak through the door before opening it.

Meghan pushed herself up, irritated at having been woken up. "What?" She asked groggily, rubbing her eyes.

"There's a police officer downstairs, and Mom wants you." Josh said, searching her confused face for answers.

Meghan pushed herself out of bed before turning toward Josh and ordering him out of her room. She'd expected this, and she was ready for it. Quickly, she ran her hairbrush through her hair and pulled her robe on over her pajamas. When she left her room, Josh was waiting, starring at her curiously. She didn't say anything to him as she headed down the stairs, looking first at her mom, and then the police officer.

'Did something happen?" She asked with innocent confusion.

Officer Evans smiled as he slowly approached her. "I have a few questions for you." he said softly.

"Okay." Meghan replied, making her expressions as innocent and confused as possible.

"Where were you at around four o'clock this morning?"

"I was in bed." Megan said, peaking the curiosity in her voice. "did something happen?" She looked to her mom uncertainty, spreading worry over her face. She knew how to fool just about anyone, she was proud of it.

Officer Evan's shook his head, offering a smile. "Nothing bad happened. We found the other man who hurt your brother, and he said that you had him beaten this morning."

Meghan mixed the emotions in her face, turning them to confusion and shock. "I'm too little," She said softly, putting her head down. "Is he okay?" She forced the concern.

The officer patted her on the shoulder, believing her completely. She was too young, too sweet to have done any of the things Paul had said. "He'll be fine."

Officer Evan's stood up, turning toward Audrey and offering a sympathetic smile. He could see how bothered she'd been by his visit. "I'm sorry for bothering you." he offered, shaking her hand and walking toward the door. "You folks have a good day." he said before leaving.

Meghan turned toward the stairs, seeing the look of disbelief on Josh's face.

"You promised you wouldn't go after them." he said softly, so that Audrey wouldn't hear.

Meghan smiled, flipping her hair off of her shoulder. "I promised that I wouldn't go by myself." She smiled maliciously, stepping passed Josh. "No one messes with you two, except for me." She said harshly before going back to her room.

Audrey looked up at josh, seeing the look on his face. "Are you okay?" She asked, stepping toward the stairs and reaching a hand out to grip his.

"I'm fine." josh lied, offering a smile. 'Seeing the officer just shook me up a little."

Audrey smiled, knowing how he felt. "They got the last guy, its over now." She said softly. "Drake is safe." It hurt to realize that Drake had never been safe just being home, that they had needed that last man behind bars.

"Yeah..." Josh sighed, pulling away from her.

"Breakfast will be ready soon." Audrey said, stepping toward the kitchen. "Is Drake up?"

"Yeah." Josh lied again. He'd never realized just how easy it was to lie. He turned back toward the top of the stairs, slowly going up each one as his mind ran rapid with his thoughts. Drake and Meghan had always been fantastic liars, never getting caught. To have been able to lie so easily, and to his own mother, made him feel awkward. Sure, they'd been harmless white lies, but what would he lie about next? Would he fall into those lies, and take them as far as he could like his brother and sister? Josh shook his head, smiling to himself. He could never be that good at it.

Josh walked into his room, sighing heavily as he approached his closet and pulled out fresh clothes for the day. He wasn't proud of what Meghan had done, but he was thankful for it. With Paul locked up, Drake could focus on getting better. He didn't have to be afraid of anyone coming for him.

When Josh thought of everything that Drake had been through in the last few weeks it brought tears to his eyes. There had been so much pain, physical, emotional. There had been a time when he'd thought that Drake was too simple a guy to handle it all, but he'd done it, despite everything he'd survived. Even when he'd tried to just give up, Drake had pushed through. It was amazing, just how much fight was hidden inside of him.

As if Drake knew that Josh was thinking about him, he opened his eyes and turned toward his brother, watching him wipe the tears from his deep eyes. "whats wrong?" Drake asked groggily, sitting up.

Josh turned toward Drake, smiling brightly. "It's nothing." he stepped closer to his brother. "The police got Paul." He wasn't sure he wanted to tell Drake what Meghan had done, not yet anyway.

Drake nodded, swinging his legs over the edge of his bed and watching them dangle. He'd been so afraid that Paul would come back for him, that the hate he harbored wouldn't be forgotten. He was relieved that Paul had been caught, but with the absence of fear, he didn't know what to feel. It seemed too early to be completely at ease.

"You okay?" Josh asked after long moments of silence.

Drake shrugged his shoulders, trying to find the words. He'd been trying to stay positives for his family, but now he just wanted to be alone, to break down and let the pain out. The medications had dulled the pain, and his positivity had diluted the rest of it, but it hurt more to keep pushing it back and forcing smiles.

"I don't know." he finally whispered, not looking at Josh. "I know I should feel relieved, maybe happy? But... but I can't." Drake shook his head, biting his lip against the oncoming tears.

Josh stepped toward Drake, reaching up to put a hand on his shoulder. "No one expects you to just magically recover from this. I'm here for you, bad or good." He said, looking up at Drake's pained face. "It'll get easier." josh promised.

"I know," Drake whispered. "But I'm still afraid, and its stupid."

"It's not stupid." Josh assured him. "You've been through some heavy stuff, and its not just going to go away. Being afraid doesn't make you weak." Josh offered a smile, hoping that his words were reaching drake. "You're one of the strongest people I've ever known."

Drake shook his head. "You're just saying that..." He said harshly, pushing himself off of the bed and away from Josh.

"No, I'm not." Josh said. "I couldn't have gone through what you did and come out smiling for the sake of my family. Even though you're still hurting, you're fighting that pain for everyone around you. That takes strength, Drake."

"I don't feel strong." Drake replied, looking helplessly toward Josh.

"You will." Josh looked into Drake's eyes, wishing that he could see his own strength. It wasn't something he could see with words, not from anyone else anyway.

Drake forced a smile, knowing that it would help to ease the worry in Josh's eyes. "Thanks." He said softly,

"Anytime." Josh smiled back. "Mom's making breakfast."

"I'm starving." Drake laughed. Without Cody and the others stopping him, he'd been eating all of the time.

They went down to the kitchen together. Drake pushed the hurt from his face when he saw his mother, falling into her smile and letting her warmth chase his hurt away. She'd been through too much to have to face his darkness. Drake let her hug him, allowing her as much time as she needed before feeling her hesitate to pull away.

"How'd you sleep?" She asked, trying not to suffocate him. She wanted to be attentive, but not overbearing. She didn't want to risk chasing him away when he was finally opening up.

"I'll sleep better when this cast is off." Drake joked, grabbing a plate and sitting at the table.

Audrey smiled at his light mood, taking comfort in it. She'd been so worried over the last few weeks that it felt almost foreign not to. To see Drake smiling, and eating again filled her with such relief that there were no words to describe it. She joined her boys at the table, trying not to stare smiling at Drake as he ate. He still had a lot of healing to do, and it wouldn't be easy, but she felt confident that he'd pull through what had happened.

After breakfast Josh went to work, and Drake went back to his room. He needed time alone, to let the mask fall and try to deal with everything. He put his notebook on the couch, and layed his guitar over the cushions, carefully sitting next to it. For the next few hours he wrote and crossed out lyrics, trying to put all of his feelings down into song. In the past, music had always been what helped him most. It was so much harder when he couldn't hold the guitar and let the sound flow out from his head.

With a lot of effort, he managed to work out a way to awkwardly hold the guitar and play a little, but the sound wasn't right and he became frustrated with all of it. Drake set his hands on the couch, feeling his fingers reaching for the razor that wasn't there anymore. He was glad that it was gone, because he didn't want to hurt himself anymore. But he missed that shallow relief he'd felt when he cut. That brief moment of comforting pain that had let him know he was alive.

"I don't need that..." he whispered, pulling his hand away from the couch. "I can do this."

He didn't believe his words, but he tried to. He wanted to feel that strength that Josh saw in him. Somewhere, deep inside of himself the power to get over everything that had happened was hiding, but Drake was afraid of facing the memories. With the razor in his hands, it had been easy to think about what had happened and push the pain away. He was used to pain now. But relaying on himself to get through this was so much harder then simply cutting the pain away. The memories of every word and hit struck at his mind, bringing him to tears as he tried to overcome them. He didn't want to cry anymore, to feel this growing darkness swallow him whole.

Drake took heavy, shuddering breathes as he remembered everything, and tried to see through the lies that Cody had filled him with. He wasn't weak, because he had survived it all. He wasn't alone. He had his entire family beside him, ready to do anything in their power just to help in whatever way they could. Drake tried to reason with himself, telling himself that all of Cody's words had been lies, that Paul's hatred had been a crutch to try and deal with his own problems. HE had been the victim of misguided hatred and wrongful words.

Admitting that to himself had been the hardest part. What happened, hadn't been his fault. He wasn't to blame. There would always be scars to remind him of what had happened, but they couldn't control him. He'd fallen into darkness, and he'd hurt himself to try and cheat his way through it. There was no bleeding the pain away anymore, and no matter how badly he wanted to do it, just one more time, he refused to let himself. He was going to get better, without the pain to guide him.

Drake didn't care how many times he'd need to wear those masked emotions, as long as when he was alone, he could be himself. As long as josh was by his side, to help him find that strength that he'd forgotten how to see. Drake let himself cry as he sat alone in his room, watching through blurred eyes as the hurt slipped away. When he wasn't holding it prisoner inside of himself, he felt the relief wash over him. It felt good to truly feel again. Not just the bad things, but the good.

~.~

Drake was waiting for Josh to get home when he went down to the kitchen to get something to drink. All of his tears had left him dehydrated, and it was making him dizzy. He stopped in the doorway when he saw Walter, pouring himself something to drink and humming loudly and off key.

"Hey..." He said awkwardly as he stepped toward the cabinet with the glasses in it.

Walter stopped pouring looking at Drake with a smile on his face. There was hurt in his eyes. "How are you feeling?" Walter asked. He'd felt terrible going to work when his family needed him. He wanted to be here, to help.

"I'm okay." Drake said passively as he grabbed a glass and filled it at the sink. "Just thirsty."

Walter put his own glass down, fidgeting with his hands as he looked at Drake. He wanted to say so many things, but all of the words seemed wrong to him. "Drake?" He finally said softly.

Drake looked at Walter, feeling guilty when he saw the hurt on his father's face.

Walter cleared his throat, putting his hands behind his back. "I want you to know that I'm proud of you."

"for what?" Drake asked, shocked by Walter's words.

"For standing up to them, and for pulling through. I know it must have been hard for you, and we weren't there for you when you needed us. But, I'm proud of you, no matter what happened." Drake hadn't told them everything, and he was sure that he never would. Walter couldn't imagine what had happened to push Drake toward suicide, what the last few weeks had been like, but to see Drake doing better meant everything to him.

Drake smiled, taking comfort in Walter's words. He'd never really been able to talk to Walter, but he was glad for Walter's persistence in talking to him now. "Thanks, dad." Without thinking, Drake stepped forward and hugged Walter, hiding the tears that were threatening to fall. He didn't want Walter to see him cry, to look so weak and beaten down. After a few deep, concentrating breathes Drake pulled away, smiling.

Walter smiled back. "If you need anything, we're here for you."

"I know." Drake said softly, grabbing his glass and heading back toward his room.

Everyone had told him that they were there, but just hearing the words only did so much. Drake knew that they could only do as much as he would let them, and right now, he wasn't ready to drop his guard and let them in. The wounds were too fresh, and the risk of infection too high. He needed to heal on his own right now. He needed to get his mind set and feel better before he let them tell him that he was doing good, that things would be better. He had to see it for himself, or he'd never believe them.

Drake let his legs lead him back to the couch, where he sat and fiddled with his guitar until josh got home. He wasn't so dumb that he thought he could do it all alone. Josh was the one person he could be around without the mask, because, to an extent, Josh understood. He'd felt Cody's anger, the hungry steel of Paul's blade. Even though it had been brief, Josh knew.

He looked up as Josh entered the room, letting his old smile creep across his face. "How was work?"

Josh grinned, grabbing his pajamas and walking towards Drake. "It was, crazy. Helen's been asking about you, she wants you to know that she hopes you're okay, and that she misses you." Josh chuckled.

Drake scratched his head, laughing softly. "Sounds like her." He looked josh in the eyes, his smile slowly fading. "I need your help." he said softly.

Josh felt his smile disappear as he stepped closer, his hand on the back of the couch. "Whats wrong?"

"Nothings wrong." Drake assured his worried brother. "I just, I can't do this alone." he confessed. "The doctor recommended counciling, but I don't want to talk to a stranger about this. Honestly, I don't really feel like I can trust anyone, not yet." Drake stumbled over his words, unsure of how to say what he meant. "When I need someone to talk to, I want that person to be you..." He said softly, hoping that Josh understood.

Josh smiled warmly. "When you're ready, or if you need me, I'm here." he assured Drake. "I want to be there for you, when you want it."

"Can we talk, now?" Drake asked, worried that Josh would say no.

Josh put his pajamas down and carefully moved Drake's guitar, sitting next to him. "When you're ready." he reminded Drake.

Drake took a deep breath, trying to steady the shaking in his hands. "I thought about cutting today." he confessed, feeling ashamed. "I didn't do it, but I wanted to. All of the memories keep running through my head, and sometimes, I just don't feel like its really over. The hospital, everyone being arrested, it feels more like a dream that I'm too afraid to wake up from...'

"It's real." Josh said softly. "I, I know that the cutting was important to you..." It was hard to acknowledge that their ignorance to Drake's situation was what had turned him to hurting himself. "Because no one was there for you. But the important thing to remember, for now, was that you were strong enough not to do it. The temptation will be there, for a while, but soon you wont even think about it."

"How do you know?" Drake asked, looking down at his hands.

"Because I know you." josh grasped Drake's hand, squeezing it lightly. "I believe in you."

"I'm still afraid." Drake whispered.

"Honestly, So am I." Josh squeezed Drake's hand tighter. "Not so much of Paul and the others, but of what happened, and the effects of it all. I'm afraid for you, because I've seen how close to loosing you I've been, and it terrifies me. Just the thought of you being gone," Josh shook his head. "The pain can't last forever Drake. They broke you down, but they didn't break you."

"I want to get past this josh, I want to feel whole again." Drake's voice rose as the sobs grew in his throat. He wanted to cry, to relieve some of the pain.

"You will." Josh said, pulling Drake into a comforting embrace. "I think this is the first step," Josh said lightly. "Admitting the hurt, not just to yourself. You're walking down the right road, and I'm right here with you." Josh felt his own breath hitch as Drake started to cry. It still hurt to see Drake so broken down, but he was going to help him through this.

Drake closed his eyes against the tears, taking comfort in the fact that josh was there, and he wasn't alone. It was going to be hard, and he was going to cry more then wanted to, but he was going to get better. When a cut heals, it scabs. The dying skin falls away with time and healing, and the wound becomes whole again. Drake hoped that with time, the memories and pain would fade and maybe, he would feel whole again, just like the cuts he'd made.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

**A/N:**

I'm sorry for the delay in an update guys, I've just been really depressed and I haven't wanted to be on the computer. I hope that my personal mood hasn't effected the sorry, and that this chapter is enjoyable for you guys. There's one more chapter left now, and being so close to the end is crazy. Thoughts on this chapter are appreciated, mostly because I'm worried it came out badly. Again, I'm sorry for he delay, I try not to let personal life get in the way of my stories.


	26. Epilogue: masks

**~ 5 weeks later ~**

In the weeks that followed Paul's arrest, all four boys were tried and sentenced. Andrew and Mike were incarcerated together, at a local prison. They would spend the next few years reflecting on what had happened and keeping each other's spirits high. By an odd stroke of luck they ended up sharing a cell, and Mike would get out at the same time s Andrew, based on his behavior.

Cody would spend a little time in prison, before being sent to a state mental institution. He'd spent most of his life believing that he was in control, that he knew the people around him. Paul's betrayal had left him unsure of everything around himself. The uncertainty he felt in everything, and the abandonment by his parents left him shattered.

Paul was sent to a state prison, where he would spend a majority of his adult life. After being arrested, the police had found his computer, and the detailed accounts of the actions he had committed, and those he had planned to commit had been more then enough evidence that he was dangerous. His entire sentence would be spent manipulating the other inmates against one another for his personal gain.

~.~

Drake had changed so much in those weeks, shedding his insecure shell and finally returning to the kid he'd once been. The darkness was still inside of him, but he was in control of it now. There were times over the last few weeks when he'd hear the siren call of the razor he had once trusted with his happiness, but with perseverance, and help from Josh he finally overcame the urge to hurt himself.

The nightmares had all but stopped, and as Josh had promised, the pain of the experience was dulling. The memories were the hardest part. Whenever he did something wrong he could still hear the faint echo of Cody's voice telling him that he was useless. The feel of a quarter in his hands would rise goosebumps on his skin. He would always have a scar where Paul had stabbed him, and on his wrist from his attempted suicide, but he was slowly learning to look past the scars. He was overcoming the things that had caused them.

Drake was overly enthusiastic as he rode to the hospital with his mom to get the cast removed from his arm. He was so tired of sleeping awkwardly and not being able to hold his guitar. Over the last couple of weeks he'd gotten pretty good at playing one handed, but he was ready to really play again. Drake listened as Audrey talked on about how well things were going, how happy she was for him. Today the cast would be removed, tomorrow, he'd be playing again. His arm would be weak from its weeks of not being used, but he'd find a way to get it into use in no time.

Every few minutes Audrey looked over at Drake, taking comfort in the wide grin on his face. There had been moments in the last month where she hadn't been sure he'd ever be the same, but he was pulling through. So many times he had closed himself off from them, hiding away in his room after school and picking at the strings of his guitar. When he had refused councling, she had dropped the subject and prayed that he would be okay. And now here he was, smiling, living again. Nothing in the world could make her happier, more proud.

Drake smiled at the nurses as he walked down the hall behind the doctor, winking at the prettier ones. He watched as the X-Ray was taken, to make sure his arm had healed properly before the doctor would be sure the cast could come off. He was nervous when the doctor got out the small saw to remove the cast. He looked at its dull blade and his body tensed, but after the first few seconds the tension faded. It didn't hurt at all, rather, it tickled a bit. He held back the laugh as he waited impatiently for the saw to finish its job and free his arm.

Once his arm was out, the doctor had him move it around, making sure that it was working properly and that it didn't hurt. It felt weird to be able to move it again, but there wasn't any real pain. Drake was uneasy about the look of his arm when he finally saw it again. It was pale, and seemed much smaller then it used to be. The doctor assured him that this was normal, and went over the things he;d need to do to take care of it.

When Audrey finished talking to the doctor Drake was practically running toward the car. He flexed his arm, trying to get ride of the stiff feeling as he waited for her to unlock the doors. He wanted to go home, to hold his guitar and try to readjust to playing it. He almost jumped out of the car when they got home, running up the stairs, his shoes still on. Drake picked up the notebook with his new song, and carefully picked up his guitar.

For long, quiet minutes he held it in his hands, the way he had before Cody had broken it. So much time had passed since the last time Drake had truly held the instrument, so much had happened. When the guitar had been broken, a part of himself had gone with it, and even after it had been fixed he couldn't really play it. Now, here he was, holding it whole with his own slowly, healing self. He felt more whole then he had in weeks, more like himself.

He held the pick between his fingers, remembering the first cut he'd made. It had been with that same pick that he had scraped against the skin of his wrist until it bleed. That intense feeling of near relief flooded through him as he closed his eyes. That was no longer the kind of help he needed. Drake ran the pick along the strings of the guitar, cutting through the silence and falling into the sounds of his music. It felt right to bring those sounds to life.

He played until his arm was too tired to continue holding the guitar. Josh would be home soon and he wasn't ready for anyone to hear the new song yet. Tomorrow he was going over to Trevor's to practice it with the others. He wasn't sure how he felt about anyone hearing these words just yet, not when he'd put so much of himself into them. This wasn't like any of his other songs, wasn't like anything he'd written before. There was no catchy beat or happy lyrics. Part of his healing had come through writing it, Josh had helped with the rest.

Though weeks had passed since Paul and the others had been arrested, there were still times when Drake felt afraid of them. Days when he chose to be alone so that he could cry as the words and memories echoed against his mind. Those were the days when he put on the transparent mask, to hide the hurt and fool everyone into thinking that he was all right.

He didn't like lying to the people around him anymore, but it was still something he had to do. To protect himself from the judgment he still knew they would pass over him. The pain and fear made him feel weak, and that led to the lonely isolation that still offered misplaced comfort. Drake looked down to the scar across his wrist, tracing over it with his fingers. If it hadn't been for Josh, then he wouldn't be here right now.

As if he knew Drake was thinking about him, Josh walked into the room, instantly noticing the look on Drake's face. "Are you okay?" Josh asked as he put his things down and walked over toward the couch.

Drake sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe?"

Josh sat down next to Drake. He'd spent so much time helping Drake through what had happened, but no matter how much progress he was sure they'd made, there were still times when it seemed like none of it had worked at all. He knew that the things that had hurt Drake wouldn't be easily overcome, that it would take more then a few weeks to break away the things Cody and the others had done. Josh had read more articles then he could count on ways to help Drake, and had done everything he knew to do. The rest was more on Drake, only he could pull himself out of the darkness.

"Is there anything I can help with?" josh asked.

Drake shook his head, feeling the mask of emotions close over his face. He could almost feel the nonexistent hooks pulling at the corners of his mouth as the small smile formed. He held his arm up, showing Josh the paled skin. "I got my cast off."

Josh smiled warmly, happy to see the smile. "How does it feel?'

"It feels weird." Drake replied as he stretched the weak arm. "And it tired really fast."

"It'll be back to normal in no time." he assured Drake.

"Josh?" drake's voice was almost a whisper as he held the arm against his chest, his fingers over the scar. "Do you think I'll ever be normal again?"

Josh reached toward Drake, taking the arm and covering the scar with his hand. "You might not heal as fast as your arm, but when you do, and you will, you'll be stronger then_ normal._"

"Thanks." Drake pulled his arm back to himself and gently picked up his guitar. "Are you going to the show this weekend?'

"I wouldn't miss it for anything." Josh smiled.

~.~

Drake was cleaned up and dressed by noon the next day. He walked down the stairs, his guitar protected in its case by his side. He was anxious to get to Trevor's house, to play with his friends again. Drake was convinced that one of the reason's he still felt awkward was due to him not doing the things he used to. All morning he'd been telling himself that if he did this, things would be better.

He stopped inside the kitchen to make a sandwich for the walk when he ran into his mom. Audrey was doing the dishes, the early afternoon sunlight bouncing off of her red hair. She looked up at Drake and smiled warmly, wiping her hands on her jeans.

"Are you hungry?" She saw the guitar at his side and knew he'd be leaving soon. Despite knowing that his tormentors were gone, she still felt worried about him leaving. She was at ease when he was safe in his room, hidden away from the people in the world who meant to hurt him.

"I'm gonna make a sandwich." He said casually as he pulled the meats and cheese from the refrigerator.

"Do you have your phone?" She asked, hearing the desperation she was trying so hard to hide.

"In my pocket." Drake said absently as he assembled the sandwich. "If practice runs late I'll call." he promised as he put everything back and grabbed the sandwich.

Audrey placed a hand on his shoulder, closing her fingers over him softly. Every bit of herself wanted to keep him here with her. "i love you."

Drake smiled lazily, kissing her on the cheek. "I love you too." he said as he headed for the door.

As soon as he was outside he felt his breathing change and his muscles tense. He knew that he didn't need to be afraid anymore, but that knowledge didn't seem to make sense to him outside the house. With every step he looked over his shoulders, waiting for the moment when Cody and the others would appear.

Halfway to Trevor's he stopped walking and took a moment to breath. His eyes ran over the sidewalks and yards of nearby houses, searching for the embodiments of his fears. They weren't there. Drake took another, deep breath and slowly stepped forward. This was the spot where it had all began, that first encounter all those days ago. It had been so simple the first time they'd stopped him. Just words really, but everything that had happened afterward...

Drake shook the memories away and continued down the way, concentrating on his destination._ I can do this, They aren't going to hurt me anymore._ He told himself over and over again. With every new step he took as he repeated those words, drake felt himself becoming more at ease. Slowly, the tension was fading out as relief filtered in. No one was going to hurt him anymore.

As soon as Drake arrived at Trevor's he was ushered in by his friends and surrounded by warm smiles. They were happy to have him back, to see him doing so well despite what had happened. They noticed the scar on his wrist as he pulled the notebook and guitar from the case, and though it hurt to see what he had done to himself, they said nothing. They didn't want Drake to close himself away around them.

"The new song..." Drake's voice trailed off as he looked from their faces to his notebook. "It's different from the old ones. I think I know how I want it to sound, but we have until this weekend to fix it." He was offering them a part in forming the song, but he knew how it needed to sound. He wouldn't push the sound he wanted on them, but would lead them to it.

Drake pulled his arm through the strap on the guitar, because it was still hard to hold it on his own for too long, and began to strum the notes. He was nervous, because he was afraid of what this song said about everything that had happened, what it meant to him. If they didn't like it then it would never see its true potential, and if he didn't play it the way his mind had commanded it be preformed, then he feared that he would never get any better.

~.~

Drake starred at himself in the mirror, trying to find the changes he'd been feeling over the last few weeks. The bruises were gone, but he could still feel the hurt that they had left. He looked the way he had before meeting Cody and the others, but there was a look in his eyes that wasn't the same. Looking into their reflection, he saw more about himself then he had ever believed was there. The hurt was the most drastic change. He could hide that deep suffering from everyone except himself.

But within that sadness, he could see the bright strength that whispered back to him; you are stronger now, better. For every discomfort he had suffered, there was a twinkle of the burning will to survive and overcome that he had thought he didn't have. There was a maturity to his features that shouted out _I wont give in! _Drake felt older, and from time to time he felt that strength burning deep inside of himself. He just didn't know how to hold onto it yet.

The knock at the door pulled Drake away from himself, bringing back across his face that mask of emotion that hid his uncertainty. The old smile played across his lips, but his eyes held the distant gaze that had become the norm for him now.

"Hurry up, boob." Meghan called through the door impatiently.

Drake opened the door cautiously, looking down at her. If there was one person in all the world who could lie better then himself, it was Meghan. He didn't think it was a coincidence that Paul had been caught beaten. Drake had heard about the officer who had questioned Meghan, and Josh had let slip what Meghan had said.

Looking at her, the slight annoyance hiding the affection in her eyes, Drake saw an endless well of strength that he envied. She was so young, so small, yet she had stood up to the most evil person he'd ever met and beat him down.

"Hey, Meghan?" Drake asked as he stepped out of her way.

"What?" She replied.

Drake wrapped his arms over his chest, smiling softly. He'd been waiting over a month to thank her for what she'd done. "I know what you did, to Paul. I don't know how you did it, but, thank you."

Meghan shrugged her shoulders, pushing her hair out of her face. "No one messes with you, except for me." She looked at the hurt in his eyes and her features softened. "I know that this has been hard for you, and that you aren't doing as well as mom and dad think." Meghan turned around to hide the tears welling inside her eyes. "You're gonna get over this Drake."

"I hope so." He whispered honestly. "I, I don't know if I have the strength."

"You have all the strength you've ever needed, its just buried right now." She said as she disappeared into the bathroom.

Drake walked back to his room, her words echoing against his mind. He'd made it this far, and he was determined to keep going. If everyone else could see that strength, then it had to be there, buried underneath the things he was hiding behind. He knew that he needed to stop hiding his pain behind the transparent mask of happiness that he'd grown so accustomed to. If he was going to find himself, then he had to start being himself, no matter what he was now.

He picked up his guitar, his fingers running over the strings, breaking the silence. "I'm not just a victim." He told himself quietly. "I've fought too hard to get this far. I'm a fighter, I've survived." His fingers stopped moving as the words sank in, and he started to truly believe them. He'd been through so much over the last few times, and he'd given into the pain, but not anymore. If he only dwelled on the mistakes and hurt, then he would never really be okay. Drake wanted to be okay, no matter what it took, or how hard it was going to be.

~.~

Josh walked around the crowded club looking for Mindy. Drake's band wouldn't be on stage for another twenty minutes, but he wanted to find her and push through the swarm of bodies beforehand. The last time Drake had played here Paul and the others had scared him off of the stage and shattered his stability. Weeks had passed, but he knew that Drake was still struggling with what had happened, and he wanted Drake to know that he was there. That he wasn't alone anymore.

He smiled when he finally found Mindy, the low lights making the lines of her face that much more beautiful to him. He smiled as he walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

"Thanks for coming." he whispered, though he didn't think he'd ever be able to truly show his gratitude. Mindy hated Drake, but she was here to help support him.

"We should head towards the front now, or we'll never make it." She smiled back, grasping his hand and squeezing it.

They pushed their way through the crowded club, moving toward the stage as the lighting changed. In that brief flash of alternating light josh saw the only two girls who didn't belong there. He stopped walking, the sudden cease in movement jerking on Mindy's arm.

"Are you okay?" She asked, seeing the disdain on his face.

"I'll meet you up front." He replied absently.

Josh could feel the anger shaking his fists as he moved toward them, the black lipped smiles sending disgust through his entire body. Ellen and Janet Bartleby... That they dared be there after what they'd done to Drake made him hate them more then he all ready did.

"What are you doing here?" He demanded, seeing the sarcastic grins on their faces as they stared at him.

"We're here to hear Drake play." Ellen snapped, turning away from Josh.

"We're very close to him." Janet smiled.

It took everything Josh had not to lash out at them, to make them feel even an ounce of the pain they'd inflicted on Drake. "You need to leave." He said through gritted teeth.

The sisters looked at each other before turning toward josh and laughing in his face. "Were not going anywhere." Janet snapped.

The sound of the chuckle that escaped Josh's throat was so dark that he hardly believed that he'd made it. His eyes narrowed as he flexed his fingers, shaking his head. "You two are the most pathetic, despicable girls I've ever known. Drake didn't like you before what you did, and now, he despises you. What happened had nothing to do with love, and just because it happened doesn't mean he cares about you. He doesn't think about either of you, and you mean nothing to him."

"he loves us." Ellen's face twisted into utter contempt for the things josh was saying.

"You're delusional." Josh laughed at them. "I almost pity how blindly ignorant you are. Neither of you will ever mean anything to him, and what you did to him only makes his disgust of you stronger. You don't have a chance with him, and you're too stupid to realize it."

"That's not true!" Janet growled, glaring at Josh.

"You know it is." Josh retorted. "And that's what makes it so much more pathetic."

Josh didn't care that their fists were shaking with rage, that their angry glares were cracking as the truth hit them. He wanted them to suffer.

Neither of the sisters had anything to say back to him as they held back the hurt clawing away at themselves, instead they tried to look mean as they stepped away. Josh could see them shaking as they walked away, their effort to remain in control obvious. He waited until he was sure that they were gone to start moving back toward the stage. He couldn't hurt them physically, he wasn't that kind of person, but he knew that his words had done enough.

~.~

Drake smiled at the girl behind the counter as she grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler and handed it to him. Even in the low light of the club she was very pretty. He accepted the bottle, his fingers lingering over hers for a brief moment before she hesitantly pulled her hand away.

"That'll be a dollar seventy-five." She smiled pleasantly.

Drake pulled a five out of his pocket and handed it to her, opening the bottle as he waited for the change. He accepted the ones easily, but he stared down at the tarnished quarter. _Twenty-five cents._.. He let out a slow, shaking breath and shook his head.

"Keep the change." He said, handing her back the ones and offering a soft smile.

He'd overcome a lot over the last few weeks, but facing what that quarter meant to him was still ahead of him. He headed back behind the stage and picked up his guitar, looking at his band mates. They smiled, and he nodded his head as they stepped out from behind the curtain.

Drake stepped out into the light, the cheers of countless girls flooding through his ears. He smiled, feeling almost completely himself again. The rush of playing for an audience again filled him with a sense of peace that he'd almost forgotten. He waved at the smiling faces as he approached the microphone, his eyes stopping on Josh. If it hadn't been for josh, he wouldn't be here. He wouldn't have found the strength to move on. He nodded at his brother, taking comfort in his growing smile.

Time slipped by as he played the songs everyone knew, the ones that made them smile and cheer. He lost track of the hours as the adrenaline and happiness of those moments swallowed him, filling him with such content. As hey finished the last song he turned toward the others, waiting for their approval before taking a long drink and staring out at the sea of faces, waiting to see what he'd do next.

"This next song," he started, looking down at Josh. _I can do this._ Drake told himself. "This next song is very personal. In the last few months I've been beaten, nearly killed... There was so much pain that I didn't think I'd ever be up here again, ever be myself. It means a lot to me..." his voice was almost a whisper. "I hope you like it." He said softly before playing the first, somber notes.

_"I wear this mask, and when you ask, if I'm okay I hide away... I've lived in lies, but in these eyes, lie the truthes that my words try to betray..."_

_"I force a smile, but its been a while, since I felt anything but pain. I cut my wrist, but that metal kiss, is a false escape made in vain..."_

_But your words cant hurt me anymore, I've found the truth and i'm locking those memories behind a door. your hate cant bruise me anymore, I'm putting this mask on the shelf, I'll find myself... I'll keep on living, the allusion of your suffering, but you won't control me anymore..._

_"You beat me, and ruled me... made me think i was alone... but these scars arn't only mine, and you've reaped the pains that you've sown..."_

Drake closed his eyes, feeling the rush of emotion course through himself as he let the memories go on every note he played. In this moment, he was himself, as he was now. Parts of his old self were there, but he knew life would never be the same. He could accept those changes, could beat away the demons. He had everything he needed, and he finally had the strength to let it all go.

"_But your words cant hurt me anymore, I've found the truth and i'm locking those memories behind a door. your hate cant bruise me anymore, I'm putting this mask on the shelf, I'll find myself... I'll keep on living, the allusion of your suffering, but you won't control me anymore..."_

"_I've been beaten down but i'm not broken... The mask has cracked and I'm taking my life back..."_

"_And your words cant hurt me anymore, I've found the truth and i'm locking those memories behind a door. your hate wont bruise me anymore, I'm putting this mask on the shelf, I've found myself... I'll keep on living, the allusion of your suffering, but you won't control me anymore..."_

The song ended, and as the final notes were dorwned in the applause of everyone in the room Drake felt a tear fall from his eyes. It hadnt been easy to play that song, but he had done it. The others were stepping back behind the curtain, and as he moved to follow them, he caught josh's glance. There were tears in his eyes but he was smiling, nodding his head in approval as he waved.

"Thank you." Drake whispered, knowing that Josh couldn't hear him over the noise in the club. He looked into the dimming lights over the stage and waved out at the crowd brfore stepping behind the curtains and taking a deep breath. He was going to be okay he told himself. And now, he believed it.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

**A/N**: Okay, wow... so it took me about a month to write this chapter. I deleted the previos few attemps because i didnt like them, but this one, I think works. It also took some time to get his song the way i wanted it. Its taken almost four monthes to write this fic, and I am very proad of it. A huge thank you goes to the people whove not only read it, but taken the time to leave reviews, because they can be so encouraging, and a lot has happened over the last few monthes. So, thank you guys, you are amazing.

To** Mrs bell 26**, I know the story wasnt exactly what you were expecting, but i truly hope that you enjoyed it. Thank you for giving me the initial push to start it.

To** Trikkster**, your reviews and our late night conversations have been such a huge help to writing this, thank you forevers!

Its hard to believe its over... But I hope that you guys have enjoyed the ending, and the story overall. I would really appreciate to hear what you guys thought about it, the subject matter, the ending, just the whole thing, because the story itself has meant so much to me as I've worked on it. Please, and, thank you!


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